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🙂 I’m actually weirder
thank you think.
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🙂 My guess is:
you haven’t been diagnosed yet.
(3)
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Well aren’t you a waste of 2 billion years of evolution.
(3)
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🙂 When I die, I want my last words to be, “I left $1 million under the
(3)
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🙂 I used up all my sick leave, so I called in dead.
(2)
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🙃🙃🙃

“When people say ‘it’s always the last place you look’. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?”
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🙂

"A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy, but they prefer to watch you die." 
(1)
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🙂

"I look at husbands the same way I look at tattoos. I want one, but I can't decide what I want and I don't want to be stuck with one I'm just going to grow to hate and have to have surgically removed later."
(1)
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🤪😜🤯

“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.”
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🙂

“I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots.”
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🙂

I think it's about time I had unlimited money.
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New Year's Resolution:
1. Get finances in order
2. Get finances
(2)
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Family member: What are you doing with you life?

Me: It's a surprise.
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I may look fine
but deep down
I don't remember
any of my passwords.
(5)
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“I stand corrected,” said the man in the orthopedic shoes.
(4)
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“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.”
(4)
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“Told you so.”

Sincerely,

Your intuition
(5)
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🙂
“Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver.”
(1)
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🙂
“I don't care if we don't talk. Your existence still irritates me."
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🙂
"My brain cells will die
if I have to talk to you."
(1)
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Brain

For sale, barely used.
(2)
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You can teach a cat to do anything

that it wants to do.
(3)
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🙂
"I'd like people more
if they were cats instead."
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🙂 I care deeply about like 7 people in my life,
and about 400-600 dogs on the internet that I've never met.
(2)
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🙂 I'm a leader, not a follower,
unless it's dark. Then you're going first.
(2)
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Making fun of someone you're angry with
is childish.
Be an adult and hit them with your car.
(2)
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🙂 On a scale from 0-10, how focused are you?

Banana.
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🙂 If you like someone, set them free.
If they come back, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
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There are 7 billion people in the world.
I like 6 of you.
(1)
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I hate spelling errors.

You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.
(4)
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