Follow
Share

Piggy backing on last week's question of who is going to take care of us when we no longer can? The HUGE LGBTQ baby booming community is entering their final life stages. Many many of us have no relatives,etc. to look out for us. We care for each other, but that's the broken leading the broken. I intend to stay as healthy and strong as I can forever, that's my strategy, but what happens after that? Many of us are paired up for life, but many of us are solo and will be for life. This actually apply s to anyone who is solo for life with no one else income to rely on or be able to ultilize. I'm interested in what this community has to say....

Find Care & Housing
I would say the majority of Baby Boomers have no family willing to care for them, not even their children. I see on this forum a lot of those in their 80s have children in their 50s. I will be one of them. My girls have to work to support themselves. I would never ask them to quit a job to care for me. My siblings, I am the oldest at 75. Siblings are 7 and 11 yrs younger. I definitely will not be caring for them and sure they will not be caring for me.

My cousin is gay, living on the other coast. I worry about him because all his family is on the other coast. He is also getting to the age family members started showing signs of ALZ. One his mother. He is alone so no one nearby to see the signs.

We really should start worrying about old age when we are young.
(0)
Report

I do see the appeal and benefits of having family gathering together to help people.

Unfortunately I am an only child with limited extended family, but I do have to say watching how my friends have handled such situations having family support is awesome. Their entire family has gotten together to help provide care either in terms of money or time. When possible the village approach does seem ideal.

Just it is sometimes not possible. Does beg the question once more people learn about trusts and stuff will states be able to sustain Medicaid going forward.
(0)
Report

Part of the LGBTQ community or not, we apply for Medicaid to get ourselves into long term care if we have no funds, or if we do have funds, we move into Assisted Living. Those of us with a conscience do not burden our children down with the care and management of US when we're old and incontinent. My childless cousins are always griping they'd never had kids, so "who's gonna take care of us now that we're old????" You're gonna pay for your own care, cousins, and thank God you didn't HAVE kids to burden them down with your care which you obviously think is the sole purpose OF having kids. It's not.
(0)
Report

My spouse and I have no children. I couldn't have children around my father and my often stupid self couldn't and still can't give up my mom, no matter how much pain my devotion to her has brought me (and, I am so sorry for this, my spouse, too). If I did have children, I would never want to put them through caregiving and worrying about me. If I can afford it one day, I want to get a long term care insurance policy. We've also outfitted our very small home so that we can hopefully age in place for quite a while. I want him to have a good life. I'm not sure how much the husk of me will have left. I'm just glad I have not put this pain and responsibility onto a child, adult or otherwise. We didn't ask to be born, but somehow we are trained to have to care for those who may have not really cared all that much for us.
(1)
Report

Momskids, this can happen to anyone, be them LGBTQ or not. If anything should happen to my spouse, I would be alone as I don't have any children. Hubby has two grown and married children who are in their 40's and 50's but have physical health issues that would make it difficult for them to be caregivers. I would never ask their spouses to help as they have their own parents to help later down the road.


So, I followed my late parents plan to save for a rainy day, like days where it is really pouring. I plan to hire professional caregivers to help me to start off with, then move into Assisted Living which offers Memory Care. At least I would be around people from my generation and have common interest :)


For those who savings are limited, thank goodness for Medicaid where Medicaid will pay for a skilled nursing facility.
(4)
Report

I am self reporting my comment in hopes that this can be moved to Discussions where it will have more and better attention and longeivity.

Overall, imho, I think we cannot--ANY of us-- depend on family.
I have zero intention of doing so and this has been long discussed.
I will be going into care when needed; meanwhile I and my partner, then one or the other of us (he's 84 and I am 82) will be living independently at home, then with help hired in while that works, then in care.

I would say that it is now rare and will become MUCH MORE RARE for family to take on the care of elders. That's my guess.
So I would say it is about community, community, community, and that is one thing you have a head start on.
(3)
Report

My uncle who lives in AZ lost his partner many years ago. Now that he also lost his brother my father. He has echoed fears how he is going to die alone.

I am not overly close and he did not even bother to show up to my dad's funeral so he probably will die alone.

Guess what I am saying is maintain healthy relationships with others in your community make lasting bonds so at the very least you are not alone at the end.
(1)
Report

Momskids, hi, I honestly don't see this as an LGBTQ issue at all. It may be because you are in the LGBTQ community you notice it.

Me not being in that community I see this all though my community also. I know so many single , divorced, men and women, some with kids, some without, but honestly, I don't see that there really is anyone for them to take care of them when and if they need it.

Honestly there is new trend, happening that many many families are breaking away from each other more than ever.

I can honestly say about 5 percent of the people I know will have someone to help them when they can't help themselves. 95 percent, should start figuring out there plans.

As for me, I have 4 boys, scattered around US, all living there best life, no way in heck am I going to disrupt there lives to take care of me, even if they want to.

I didn't have them to be my aging slave.

So I really don't think your community is any different from mine.

We had children, my childrens job is to live there best life, not to deal with me.
(4)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter