All my siblings live out of state. They rarely visit. When they do visit, they either write themselves a check (Sis who is the POA) for their travel expenses, or before they even make a date to visit, they complain about how their jobs are not doing well, they need a new roof, etc "hint-hint" implying that they need money from Parents in order to come for a visit.
I live nearby, and always On-Call 24/7 for them, to take care of household issues, doctor visits, sudden ice cream cravings, etc. But I am never paid, once in awhile for a longer car trip they have given me $5.00 bill "for gas money."
Dad has dementia now, but in talking with Mom about how "un-equal" this feels to me, she seems to understand, but says the out-of-town siblings would never visit if they weren't paid.
My spouse is sick and tired of this "un-equal" system, and has greatly reduced what he is doing (no more midnight plumbing fixes, mouse-trap emptying, etc).
Mom has noticed that spouse is doing less and less. I tried to say, we're sort of tired of how "un-equal" things are.
My point is, if the other kids are getting thousands of dollars once a year to visit (on THEIR schedule) I would like to be paid for all my "travel" expenses for when it is not even MY schedule, it's when my parents WANT me to do something, whatever THEY want.
I feel like I'm a slave to their whims, and the siblings are treated like Royalty!
P.s. my spouse says, we can't be paid because of possible Medicaid lookback; but if that is true, wouldn't my siblings already be in trouble?
You are another story. You take time from your job and your family, you travel, and along with hubby do household maintenance plus care for your parents. Get yourself to an elder lawyer and draw up necessary papers to have yourself paid for what you are doing. There is info on this forum about that very thing.
I really hope when the other siblings visit you disappear and let them completely take care of Mom and Dad. Best wishes!
But, Sis went to college with one of the lawyers, so that is why my parents "chose" them. I should say the obvious-- this sounds really NOT the way to pick an attorney practice!
The travel money is a gray area. I'm not sure how Medicaid would view that. When your parents apply for Mediciad, if the money to your siblings is considered a gift your siblings won't be in trouble -- your parents will. The penalty for giving away assets that could have been used for care is a delay in Medicaid eligibility.
The situation you describe is absolutely unequal and unfair. This is one of the reasons I think adults who provide care for their parents should be paid. It helps keep things more fair among siblings.
It's not your siblings who will be effected when your parents apply for medicaid.. It's obvious they won't give back the money when your parents have to private pay for a nursing home.. Tell your parents this has to stop!
But when you are at Attorneys have him write up a caregiver agreement so you are compensated for the care you give them..