Hi AC Forum,
I feel like I run the gamut of emotions on a weekly basis. I think that is a difficult side of this caregiving. Not being able to fully satisfy - or not being able to satisfy for what should be a normnal period of time. And on the same token know that each day you go down this path you just running to the finish line.
It's the craziest and horrible life as I am not able to live my life, yet I have a hard time thinking of my mom living with less. Also not being the face of which she says to at first seeing her and asking her how she is, "Better now that I see you!" Knowing that you are the comfort in their sight. Yet what it takes from one feels enormous - emotionally, monetarily, physically.
How are you doing?
LastOne
The apartment is within walking distance of my house. My aunt agrees to watch my mom when she's home. My aunt won't have to pay rent. I will go there at least twice a day to check on my mom and give her medication. My mom will still have her daily outing with me, and 2 times a week outings with a sitter. I will also have another sitter who will come and stay with my mom to keep her company a few days a week during the day. When no one watches her there, she will come to my place and hang out in her own room.
She won't be at my place 24/7. That will give me and my kids much needed breathing space. My kids are so stressed out by my mom, and so am I. Next week, my brother is going to come and help move her stuff. I hope and pray that this arrangement will work.
Both my brother and I will have to chip in more money to help. For my sanity and that of my kids, it's worth it. My husband is very patient and he doesn't mind my mom living with us, mostly because she doesn't bother him so he's unaffected.
This entry is not consistent with the spirit and intent of this particular thread, so I hereby give my permission for the sponsors here to DELETE this entry! It is, to be sure, only my view and self-serving, but the need is there. Don't overlook the significance of this entry.
And you lived your love for her and she felt it in her heart all up to the last breath she took! I hope that fills your heart with peace and eases your pain a little.
A hug sent your way!
Agree, this forum is very helpful.
Nice that you could take care of her while on hospice. No one really "wants" to be in a NH, do they? I think that no matter how good a place is on paper, it is still an institution and there's only so much they can do. To provide the kind of care a person can get at home? Could you imagine how many people that would take? And we think NHs are expensive now?? It's just crazy.
I like your optimistic streak in finding the joy in the little things. Good reminder!
I hope that when it's disease related, it can make it somehow "easier" (NOT easy) to deal with since the LO isn't really responsible.
Hoping you get more good day and have those help you make it through the tougher ones.
I hope you could up your time away from not to be ONLY for one wicked long day of work.
I guess I am one of the lucky ones - my mom currently spends a few days a month at my sister's house.
Seems like the "that's so wonderful you can do that for your LO" is followed by something like "I could never do that!".
Unless there's an actual emergency, you shouldn't have to miss things like your granddaughter's 2nd birthday party.
"I am not able to live my life" in your OP isn't my outlook because I do live my life, although much of it has to do with Spouse. Calculation of time means that of 24 hours, 3 are spent in full interaction with him. About 2 are spent in housework that benefits us both, such as cooking. This is on days without dr. appts., where the percentage of us completely together is greater. It helps to logic one's way through this part of life, ha! I really like your phrase "you are the comfort in their sight."
My life contains things his does not, such as ability to get around without a scooter, lack of multiple dr. appts. monthly, lack of relying on smoking for pleasure, and I'm grateful for these aspects of existence. It's a heavy responsibility being a caregiver that I gave happily to my children and more grudgingly to Spouse. I enjoy daily numerous things that make me feel silly, and happy, and silly, thank God.
It's very frustrating to see our LOs do so very little to better their health, back when they could. Taking meds and sitting in front of the TV is not going to give you a healthy life, unless you're VERY lucky.