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Happy Birthday Lu!!!
We all love you!!!
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Happy Birthday Luckylu, in December.
A most difficult and painful memory on the 4th anniversary of your
mother's passing, on your Birthday.
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You just do because you have to, and accept the fact this is your new "normal".
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Lu- those dreams are special, aren't they? So glad you had one.

Saturday the 16th, will be 3 years since Dad passed.
What I have learned is that I will always miss him, until Lord willing I see him again. A hope I delight in.
I have learned that God gives healing of grief. And that grieving is a difficult process in the journey of life.
But, the first years was definitely the hardest without him.
I hope this doesn't sound too morbid. But we have a family cemetery here on our land. And I have noticed that as the mound of dirt that was placed over my Dad, shrinks down, so does my grief. And as the Iris's I planted around him grow, and with each year they bloom, I grow stronger and stronger, and joy blooms more than tears, now.
I know that this part of life's journey is the hardest. But, i know that God helps those who love his SON. Truly HE it is that healed me of such sadness.
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It's so nice when we have those dreams Lu. I'm glad for you.
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Last night I had a wonderful dream~
I saw my Father and he hugged me and I hugged him and I felt his love,just like always.
All day today I have felt his love and that wonderful hug and Iv'e been so grateful.
It gives me hope that I will dream about my Mother too.
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Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

Mary Elizabeth Frye
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Me too FrazzledMama....I picture my Mother at her healthiest,maybe 29 or 39 years old,free from all her pain and her wheelchair and oxygen,happy and dancing all over Heaven along with my Dad who's not handicapped anymore.
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July 25th was mom's first birthday in heaven. I still have mixed feelings about everything because of our complicated relationship. I had the Facebook memory pop up on that day of last year's birthday where we took her out to eat at one of her favorite Mexican restaurants, which she enjoyed. Looking back, I'm glad we all went. I picture her now with God, healed, happy and whole.
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Thank's smeshque....we were both lucky to have one another~
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Lu- She was also blessed to have YOU as a daughter.
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Mhill- It is heart wrenching the things we feel after a loved one passes. It has been 3 years this November since I lost Dad. It has only been this year that I began to finally overcome the grief that surrounded me, and to be able to think of the good memories and especially his smile. I for the longest could not sleep because of the what ifs and the should I haves, and the scenerio playing over and over in my head,
But It really took over 2 years for me to begin healing. It varies for everyone, shorter or longer. But we musn't let it consume us, we must fight it and we must pray for strength and courage to overcome it. Hang in there. May God give you the things you need to get through this. HE is able.
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Friday Aug 9 will be 1 yr since my father died....that late afternoon summer death still haunts me.....and the way he looked when he was "dead" was something that I wasn't prepared for....so much has happened in the last 12 months - ive been working so hard trying to let go of the hospice guilt and see that I helped my father suffer less but I still get many "what did I do" moments.
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Thank you Send,
Yesterday,August 3rd,was my Mother's 4th Birthday in Heaven.
She woulv'e been 90,if she were still here.
I can't believe she's been gone so long.
I miss her so much but know I was blessed to have her as long as I did.
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Happy Birthday in Heaven, to Luckylu's Mom.
Happy Birthday in Heaven to CWillie's Mom.
Aug. 2019.
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Many thanks to you, Sendhelp, for your quick response, insight, and suggestions. I did try grief counseling with Hospice for about 6 months, but the sessions were weeks apart and the counselor wanted to know what I wanted to do with the "next chapter" of my life the second time we met...a bit too soon to answer that question, I thought. As for caregivers developing PTSD, she wasn't all that impressed with the idea. I'll give some serious thought to trying counseling again...
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https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/ptsd-and-prolonged-grief-in-caregivers-0702131
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Sulynn,
Your experience sounds like PTSD or PGR (prolonged grief response).
Family and friends will not understand what you are going through,
and will want you to just get over it.

Sure that you need to talk to someone, almost daily. Add a therapist into your support system, and gradually your symptoms can subside, or be managed, maybe with medication. PTSD requires treatment, so you no longer will be getting sick from it.

When online, I ran across a blog article at Good Therapy . org. after entering PTSD and Prolonged Grief. Excerpted here:
"Prolonged grief (PGD), also known as complicated grief, can occur when symptoms of grief are exacerbated and persist over lengthy periods of time. Experiences such as reliving the death event; being reminded of the death through mental, visual, or auditory stimuli; and even experiencing intrusive thoughts are all symptoms of posttraumatic stress (PTSD)......"

You are not alone.
These symptoms do not mean you are crazy.
Get help, the experiences tend to repeat until you find yourself isolated, frozen at home, irritable and afraid.

Admitting these experiences are the first step to setting yourself free! You have done that. Therapy does not have to last forever, and you can recover!

I recommend a CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapist) with the focus on today.

Many hugs.....
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It's been 3.5 yrs since Mom died...I used to take her to the eye doc every week for years until a few weeks before her death...yesterday I went there for myself, the first time I've been back since the last time I took her...it was tough!! My body shook, my legs were wobbly, I walked the Mall like a zombie, and could feel the wheelchair handles in my hands as if I were still pushing her chair. I felt disconnected from what I was doing and totally "alone"...I got back home and that was it for the rest of the day, I was emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted and still am today! Here's the thing that bugs me...why in the world do I react that way?...still??...I'm tougher than this, I used to be able to handle just about anything...when do I get back the strength I had to be a caregiver for all those years?...and what's with this "physical" reaction even when my brain tells me "you can do this"?? Any ideas or similar experiences out there? Thanks.
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Such a touching thread, (& replies). I feel the place spoken of by BarbBrklyn... (A conflicted relationship with mom). We were too much like them? , probably they saw themselves in us? My mom didn't like herself enough to embrace me. But "We are all full of weakness & errors, & we mutually pardon each other our follies". Sorry to quote Voltaire. I saw it on another person's post somewhere & it spoke to me. ✌
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My mom would have been 96 tomorrow. She died in Augusr 2017, nearly 2 years ago.

Still kind of numb. I had a very conflicted relationship with her.
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CWillie, I understand.

The things we stress about until we actually have something to really stress about.

My mom would have turned 96 in February if she were still alive. In my mind I always thought that would have been the age she died at for some reason.
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June is coming to an end and I've been filling my calendar with appointments in July and looking ahead to August.... Mom would have been 100 on Aug 3. It's hard to believe it has already been a year since I stressed over planing a birthday party for her at the NH, one I suspected/knew would be her last. When I'm thinking of her now I feel such pity for the way she came to her end.
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It's funny you guys should be discussing this today. I was dreaming about my dear mom a lot last night. I woke up thinking that's one thing I miss most. Her comforting, kind ways. No one in my life has ever been able to duplicate that for me. I always knew I was loved deeply when she was alive.
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I was very fortunate to have both the Mother and Father I had and they both brought me great comfort.They always said just the right things I needed to hear at the time.Now that theyr'e gone,I yearn for them all the time,but if they were here and I was hurting,I'd call out for my Mother I know.She was a caregiver to my Dad that had polio and ended up in a wheelchair,and grew up with a sick Mother,so she was always taking care of someone and I know she'd have been there for me too.
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cw - you and others in your position are fortunate. Wonder who I will call for. My mother never gave me any comfort. I guess it will be my father. He was a big teddy bear of a man.
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Today I am feeling chilly so I am wrapped up in an afghan drinking hot chocolate - both were mom's and they've got me thinking of her. Back when something first went haywire in mom's brain she used to call for her mother (me) - isn't it funny how no matter how old we get we long for the comfort only a mother can give?
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Dear Luckylu,

(((hugs))) my friend. We are all so grateful to you as well for all your kindness.

Thinking of you.
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To all of you,
Thank you for your kind,caring support and helping me to continue to put one foot in front of the other.

I wish all of you peace and more of what you enjoy doing and healing from all you've been through in this next year.
Happy New Year & Thanks~for everything
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(((((((((((Luckylu)))))))))
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