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((((Elaine))))

There are no words.💔

Rest in God's comfort.
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So sorry for the loss of your Mom, Elaine.
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elaine1962: I am so very sorry to learn of your mother's passing. I send you deepest condolences and virtual hugs. That was good that your brother came. Again, I am so sorry. I hope that we may be of some comfort to you here on the forum.
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Dear "Elaine1962,"

When I didn't see an update earlier, I had a sinking feeling that your mom had passed away. I thought I'd check one more time -

I'm so very sorry and many, many tears from members of the forum are being shed along with yours. I am very thankful that your brother did make it in time and the two of you were beside her in her final moments.

May God heal your broken heart as the grieving process begins.

Sending you a hug...
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Elaine, I’m very sorry, prayers for peace and comfort for you and your family
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Elaine
I am so sorry for your loss. Glad your brother is with you.
Hugs
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My sympathies and prayers to you and your family at this very difficult time. Allow yourself the space and time to grieve but know that your Mom lived her life well and that she loved and continues to love you and the family
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Oh, Elaine

I am sorry for the loss of your mom. I am so very glad that your brother was there with you.

Death is never easy to accept even if we expect it. There are so many emotions that run through our minds.

You will grieve and it’s completely normal to grieve.
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Elaine, I am so sorry.
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Elaine so sorry. My heart breaks for you. I am relieved she went quickly. I am so glad both you and your brother were with your dear mom when she passed. My thoughts and prayers are with you and family. I am glad she did not linger too long. She is at peace now and in a better place. Please take care of yourself. Sending you a hug.
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elaine - big hugs to you...

Have a good cry for the loss of your mother. She lived her life the way she wanted. I truly believe, correction, I know when we die, we leave our bodies behind and move on to another realm, a better place, free of pain and we are whole again. Your mother is there now, with her loved ones waiting and welcoming her. You will see your mom again.

Much love to you elane.
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I am so, so sorry. I am new here and I have learned so much from your posts and I thank you for sharing so well with us. Please accept my sympathies.
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UPDATE- My mother died this morning 12:15am. My brother got in at 4:00pm and we stayed with her when she passed.

Cant stop crying. Thank you everyone for your well wishes. I appreciate all of you so much!!!

She died at the hospital 10/31/2020 12:15am.
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Elaine....just want you to know you and your mother are lifted up in prayers by so many caring people in this “family”. You have always done your very best to help your mom, please dont “what if?” yourself in to a nervous breakdown. Take care of you as much as you can now. We are all here for you! Much love....Liz
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Elaine, I am so sorry about your dear mom. My thoughts and prayers are with your mom, and family during this most difficult time. Very stressful situation. Thank God you found her and got her the help she needed. Hospice should intervene and try to keep your mom at the hospital. I know my mothers hospital has a special unit for hospice patients and a special room for patient and family. Talk to the nurse manager and she what she can do. Wishing your mother much comfort and peace.
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elaine: I am in much prayer for you and your sweet mother. I am so very sorry that she's suffered a steoke.
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elaine1962,

I just read this entire thread. You’re surrounded in spirit and love by many. Many of us feel your pain as we have gone through an all-too similar situation.

I lost my father almost two years ago- I, too, found him lying on the carpet. I cried as I read your words. He lived in his own home, on his own terms, until 97.

Please allow yourself to cry. Tears heal. It’s ok. I don’t know you, but I do feel your pain. I pray for peace for you and your family.
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As a long-distance caregiver for mom,I once asked a fellow parishioner who runs a caregiver agency what's the most useful thing she implemented for her elderly mom who lived independently. She said "Nestcam" cameras. I took her suggestion and had 4 camera put into my mom's home. Now I and my sibs can monitor her, esp if she doesn't pick up the phone when we know she is supposed to be home. After 2 years, she's finally wearing her Life Alert necklace, and has part-time home aide. We know that we'll need to assess her living situation constantly and adjust it as needed.

As I said, it took 2 years to get to this place. It took a sudden hospitalization (which mom recovered from) to get mom and sibs to align on a plan.
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I wish people would read an entire thread...
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Elaine,
Your caregiver friends are here to comfort you at this very sad, difficult time.
💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞
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elaine1962
Oct 30, 2020
Update- having our meeting soon. I’m going to ask if she can stay at the hospital. They called me to come to the hospital at 9:30am. She took a turn for the worse.

elaine1962
Oct 30, 2020
" my mother only has a few days, or weeks to live. She suffered a severe stroke and pneumonia in one lung. She is receiving comfort care at the hospital but they can’t keep her for weeks."

elaine1962
Oct 30, 2020
Update- Thankfully if she needs to be moved to a facility with hospice, it won’t happen until Monday at the earliest.

Not eating or drinking and unresponsive. I don’t want to move her. I’m going to tell hospice that. My brother coming at 3:00. I hope he makes it in time. She appears to be in a coma. I can’t stop crying.

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don't be too hard on yourself.  I don't know how old she is but my mother (now 93), about 3 years ago I went up to her house. we only live 2 hours apart, we had our grandkids over and said I think I will go up to check on mom. at that time I didn't go up every day cause she was getting around good.  Well, when I went up, I yelled hello and all I heard was "help"........here she was cleaning in the bathroom and lost her balance and fell into the tub sideways so there was no way she could get up.  I had to call hubby to come help me.  she did not hit her head but she was like that for 45 minutes (not near the amount of time your mom was lying on floor). Needless to say.....she started wearing her "life alert" necklace after that cause she never wanted to wear it before.    IF you don't have one of those alert things, now is the time to get it and make sure your mother wears it 24/7  (they are waterproof - at least my mom's is).  Things will happen and we can't always be around to prevent things.  Just be glad you did go over when you did.  And maybe now if you don't go over every day.......at least call her at a certain time each day.  I am glad they are doing a scan because as we get older our brains shrink some and any bang to the head can cause problems.  I hope she will be okay and again don't blame or feel guilty.......you did find her.
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I read about you finding your mother in a different thread - this one just showed up in email. It is sad what she and you are going through, but it is what she wanted. Her terms. It's still upsetting, but that should only be because you care and are afraid you are losing her. NO guilt. You did everything and then some to try to avoid this situation. She and the medical people kept you at bay. It isn't like you didn't want to do anything.

As far as using hindsight to kick yourself, stop! Someone else did say it - even if you had been there Monday, this could've happened later, after you left if you went. There's no way to know when and there's no way you could have prevented it happening. At least you DID find her and she was still alive.

Whether she recovers or not, you did the best ANYONE could do under the circumstances. You are doing the BEST even now, being there for her. Even though she's having trouble with names, dates, places, etc, she still knows who you are and even wants the best for you! GET MARRIED!!! STOP living in sin, girl!!! (yes, I'm aware you are married...)

I just lost my old girl, Katie, who has been with me most of her life (about 21y8-9m.) I knew it was a matter of time, but my biggest wishes was that I would be here for her AND that she would pass peacefully. I was here for her. She more or less went quietly. It's tough to lose someone, esp one who is very attached and been with me so long. Hopefully you can be with your mom to the end, if that's the way events work out, and she passes peacefully. She will have won her battle to do it all HER way.

Sincerest sympathies.... Katie's "mom" Remembering the good times...
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I think it's important, even vital, to mention that a parent has to AGREE to be 'monitored' by cameras in their home or by Life Alert bracelets.......which many WILL NOT agree to. They bring a whole new meaning to the word 'stubborn', even those like Elaine's mother who do not suffer from dementia & have a lucid mind.

Last we heard, Elaine's mother was unresponsive and not eating/drinking. Let's all continue to encourage and lift her UP at this very difficult time when hospice is being called in.
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I am sorry to hear about what happened and hope for the best for your mother.

I am posting here to also make people aware of an app I use to monitor a patient while I am away. It’s call Alfred Camera, and it is like a baby video monitor to watch over someone via an app on your cell phone.
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I’m terribly sorry that you are going through this.

i hope your Mom is feeing better soon. Pneumonia feels rotten.

No one, including the doctors know when the problem started. They can only guess, in part, based on the time you saw her last. Don’t let them make you feel guilty. When you left her, it was okay to do so.

And by the way my feet were peeling last week too!

Focus now on the positives as you move forward.

if your mom had a stroke there all so many therapeutic things you can do when she gets released from the hospital.

My dad had a stroke in his eighties and in the beginning, he couldn’t walk or read, but he got better. He regained both abilities with work.

If you are able to accompany her to therapy, keep replicating the therapy later. I tried to make it more fun. If they don’t let you go because of Covid, private message me and I will send you ideas. We had to re-teach Dad the alphabet and did so by singing and using recipe cards with letters written in Sharpie.

In therapy, they had dad sort painted wooden blocks by color. I had him sort m&ms (a favorite of his). When I asked him what color they were, he said they were all different shades of beige. It seems as though right after the stroke he was seeing the world as sepia-toned. His vision came back after time.

In the beginning, Dad couldn’t recognize numbers or play games, but a couple of months later, we were playing checkers. He was able to add again, after time and practice.

if your mom can walk, get her some Vans or other skateboarding shoes. Skateboarding shoes are flat and stable and they grip. These helped dad maintain his balance as he learned to walk again.
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Any updates Elaine? Holding you & your family close to my heart today & sending prayers & love your way.
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Praying for you and your mother Elaine.
I feel your pain and intensity as if i was there in the hospital room with you.
Im praying, hugs to you and mom. Stay strong.
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Please don’t feel guilty. It’s so hard when your loved one won’t accept help.
blessing to you both🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
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Elaine, please don't feel guilty. My Mom came to visit me last December, which she loved. She fell twice AND we were there! Unfortunately, it happens.

However, now is a time to take action. Will she go to inpatient rehabilitation? If so, the hospital will generally give you short notice. Talk to the social worker immediately to see what the possible options are. A patient must be inpatient at a hospital, before medicare will pay for inpatient rehab.
We've gone through this twice. My sister and I visited facilities, that could meet my Mom's needs and had room for her, to help us make a decision. I am not sure how Covid effects this.
I suggest that Mom have a life alert at home and daily care. We started with 3 days a week, with an agency and my brother, sister and I were there the other 4 days.
I am so sorry this happened, but your Mom is getting help. I know what a scary and exhausting time this is.
Again, please don't feel guilty. Praying for you and your Mom.
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