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FreqFlyer, I think its a requirement for aging parents to call between 5:00-6:00am with whatever they have on their minds at the time. On the first day my children were away, my father knocks on my door at 6am to "discuss" one of his bills. Needless to say that conversation did not go well.
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I hear you there, freqflyer. I *hate* late night, middle of the night, or early a.m. phone calls - that's when the "bad" phone calls come - someone has been injured or passed away, etc. There's usually nothing good in those phone calls.
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Nope, hope cannot dump her because Im not paying her. On more than one occasion this weekend my family made it clear that the HHA Aide and I are on the same level. (In other words put up or shutup). She's the paid help, Im the "help" in exchange for room and board.
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My whine of the day is a simple one.... my Mom had a doctor appt at 9:00 a.m. and we were going to drive her there using either my Dad's car or our own.

So at 6:45 this morning [we were still asleep] Dad calls saying their car won't start. SERIOUSLY, he could have called us two hours later as we live just around the corner, and our vehicles do start.

An early morning jolt out of sleep telephone ringing isn't a good way to begin the morning :P
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I'm trying to be so patient....but it's so hard today.

Mom has gone back to not changing her pads again. (Incontinence pads.) So I remind her when she goes into the bathroom....and again while she's in there, because she goes in there and "just sits" for like 30 minutes....and when she comes out, I ask, "Did you get a clean pad on, Mom?" - Nope. Then she says, "I took the other one off" - right, but did you put a clean one on? No. How about if you do that - because we've already gone through 2 chair pads today. She says "In a little bit." (sigh - from me). 20 mins later, I ask if she's going to go put a pad on. Ok - so into the bathroom she goes. Another 30 minute "sit" in the bathroom, with me reminding her gently to put a pad on while she's in there. She emerges, and I ask if she put a pad on - NO, AGAIN!! (Seriously frustrated by this time.) I ask her why now - she says she took the old one off and was going to get in the shower soon. Uh...that's not the point!! The point is that while she is sitting on her chair, she is leaking constantly, and when she gets up, she WILL have an accident, because she's not wearing a pad! Which means I will have to wash ANOTHER chair pad, wipe up the floor AGAIN and wash even more laundry than I'm already doing.

She is resisting showering more and more lately, too. All day long, we've played the shower game. She actually told me at one point to start the shower and adjust the water for her (something new she's added to my list of daily to-do's, but she can do herself. I started to go into the bathroom to do it, and she said, "Why don't you sit down for a while?" WTH???? Told her I was going to start the shower, and she said just to wait a while. So then I asked if she was going to shower a while later, and she said, yes, she was waiting for me to start the water! (Are you KIDDING me??) I told her I would, but she had just told me to sit down! She said, "Well, I thought you needed to rest for a while!"

I think I'm seriously losing my mind.
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I hired a nice young man to do all of the outside work. My whine is I should have did this long ago!! Too much to take care of mom, dogs, house, yard, food, clothes...oh yeah, and me!!

Her right foot has been hurting her and is a bit swollen. Been soaking it in epsom salt and elevating it. I find it hard to deal with other people's feet.... sigh.

Her perception is so off the charts these days... that is a big frustration as the smallest task becomes biggies. This whole thing just sucks... try to do good, be good and helpful, learn patience and the whole shibang that goes with AD and caretaking only to get shot down with "this tastes like sh*t". Sigh. ON a positive side.... mom doesn't fart a lot (least that I know of) she does however, belt out the worlds longest burps ... sigh sigh sigh
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My mother has always claimed to be a dog lover, and in some ways that is true. But as a dog parent, she doesn't do anything for it that doesn't interest her. My father would be the one to let them in and out, take them for walks, and he prepared their meals and washed their dishes. He gave them baths. My mother would give them all treats at the table, pet them, and decide which ones were 'smart' and which were 'stupid'. When my father died 4+ years ago, their dog stopped getting any exercise, never met other dogs, never did anything except eat. He's a dachsund mix, and is the fattest thing you've ever seen. My mother just says "Do you think maybe he's a little spoiled?" As if it's cute. And no, I don't think he's spoiled, I think he's mistreated in many ways. But he's a rescue, is now probably around 15 years old, and probably has had a comparitively good life after being adopted by my parents. I had agreed early on to take him if he outlives both my parents, but am praying that doesn't happen. I love my household now with the dog my husband and I have, and do not want to figure out how to incorporate an elderly, obese, and very neurotic dog into our lives. And yes, I am a total dog lover -- but with this one dog, I have never really bonded. That's never happened to me with ANY dog before.
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A little eyeball whine here...finally got Mom to try to read (after simple procedure two weeks ago) and she was complaining that her eyes water when she reads. And that she can't see the photos on the fridge with the glasses. She admitted she hasn't been able to read in over a year.... my fear is that she now has AMD in her left eye, which we'll know about next month. She's getting more confused about what we tell her. Oh dear heavens, Dad's dementia was awful, but Mom's baseline personality is narcissistic and nasty. I can't even imagine her personality with this horrid illness.
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Over the years I've driven a 400 mile round trip to collect mother's then dog twice when she was hospitalized with stroke and a 400 mile round trip each time to take the dog back when she got home. One was so morbidly obese I couldn't find a coat to fit it (it was mid winter) and while I was at work each day it hopped off the couch and pooped on the carpet. The other, a poodle, didn't have much between its ears and it diarrhea'd all over my home, including the couch and my bed for two weeks. When told she said "Oh dear, she must have missed me". No thought of the cost of getting my home cleaned :(

I inherited her last dog and cat when they were three and thankfully they've turned out to be normal critters.
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Heidi if he's your FIL why can't your hubby, his son, lend a hand?
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And she coughs and sneezes with her mouth open too. Always has. Anywhere, doesn't matter if it's out in the open, or at the table at a nice dinner with guests. Ewwwwwwwww!
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All your whines have been mine w/my mother since I was a kid! The gross habits, the overindulgent pet feeding. I don't do hands on care (THANK GOD), but growing up with it was yucky, and seeing it now is just as bad. Except that now, her behavior is attached to me in a way it wasn't before. Like it's my fault that the dog is morbidly obese, and gets no exercise or socialization. Or it's my fault that she leaves used fly swatters on the kitchen counter and table!!!!
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Oh God please don't start me on tissues…

Litldogtoo, maybe she ignores the farting because she can't hear it, do you think? My mother was the sort of person who (seriously) expected a person to retire to the bathroom "if you need to do *that*" - now, she trots along farting in time to her footsteps.

It was only a problem the one time, when beautifully brought-up Lovely Nephew 4 came to visit her and we unintentionally made each other corpse over it. My sister didn't know which of us to be angry with.
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OMG. I am so with you. Tissues everywhere. "Boofing" while at the dinner table, "boofing" walking anywhere, overflowing depends, no bathroom hygiene, no idea what he's supposed to do next. I'm exhausted. FIL up at 1:00 am taking this mornings medication. Up all night. Got dogs up all night. Calling me from down stairs to my bedroom asking if it's time to get up yet. I'm tired. I'm tired of having to explain each next little thing to do. I'm tired of trying to act interested in his babbling words. I'm tired of having to non stop accommodate him at every turn because he had Alz and that's what we are told to do. It's not humanly possible to continually appease him. Each day is ground hog day with the unpredictable twist of what additional part of FILS brain is missing today. I do have compassion. I think what is happening up him is hideous. That does not change the fact that I'm exhausted and there is still no relief in sight. I just want to let him fend on his own for a day but where would that get either of us? More work in the end. This just sucks.

Please excuses bad attitude. I am praying.
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I guess you can be glad she is peeing and pooping in the toilet not bedbound and able to get herself a snack. if seriously worried what she is doing in the fridge. Get a second one with a lock for your stuff and just leave enough in the other for 24 hours
As far as the bathroom is concerned put a lock on the outside of the door and tell her it is broken. Give her a comode in her room and see how she does with that.
old hahits will only get worse I am sorry to tell you. Old guts don't work as well as younge ones and burping and farting come with the territory just keep her away from visitors. Sorry for your plight you get a gold star for taking care of Mom even if she is frustrating.
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Maybe we should make a gas mask the international sign of the caregiver. Sometimes I wished I had one when I'm walking behind my mother. She simply says, "Oops. I'm glad I got that out of me before we get to ..."

My mother doesn't understand the concept of germs. She'll run water in the morning for dishes and use the same cold water all day long for new dishes if I don't drain it. Anything she can't see, smell, or feel doesn't really exist.

And drains... don't get me started. I bought a strainer to help keep food from going down the kitchen sink. So she removes the strainer before she does the dishes. She tries to tell me that she does when she empties the strainer in the trash. The only place she empties the strainer is down the sink so the water will drain faster. I have to unplug the kitchen sink several times a month. We don't have a garbage disposal.
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Over feeding pets seems to be a "thing" with the elderly. When I inherited my mother's little dog, miniature pinscher x, she was a whopping 28lb and obnoxious. After 18 months of proper food and exercise she's a trim 20lb and the sweetest little thing.
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Oh, and what about when they burp and fart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She just walked into the room and just let out a huge one but she just walks around, like nothing is happening! I think I'm in some sort of hormonal phase today! Everything she is doing so far is driving me nuts! My God, just shoot me! Plus she's always, always putting her hands in the rubbish to put something in. She can't drop it in like normal people. She has to put it in. Years ago, she used to do this and twice she was taken to the ER with a cut on her finger from canned stuff (before recycling). I remember my dad getting really angry with her for doing this. I don't know how he ever lived with this woman before he died!

And TISSUES! There are tissues all over the place. She uses them to wipe her face, never blows her nose, just lets it run (this is something she did when I was younger, as if she'll blow a gasket or something if she actually blows her nose!)

Yesterday, she jammed the toilet at least once. The day before, "Will you come look at this'...What! Come look at what! So, there's a little pee in there with tons of toilet paper and I flush it and boom! Up it all comes. She says, "I pooped" ...
No, you didn't ma, you peed. Then she says, Well, I pooped a little while ago.

So out comes the plunger and she watches. I have to tell her to get out of the bathroom, please! I'm plunging, she's watching some infomercial on television and thinking it's a show!
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OMG Daughter! My mother was feeding the dog GRAPES one day.

Me: What are you doing?!!!!!
She: She loves the grapes!

Well, if you have a dog you know grapes are really bad for dogs, i.e., probably deadly.

So, I ask her how many did she feed her?

She: Not many.
Me: Now many?!!!!

Always, always there is no answer after that.

The dog was fine, but gees, I've told her before, DO NOT FEED THE DOG!
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Little Whine: I was out with the dog no longer than what? a minute? and my mother is getting her own orange juice. I come back in and she's pouring some juice back into the juice container. So, I say, "What are you doing?' She says: I had too much juice. I say: "Did you drink out of that glass?"

Now this is when she usually doesn't answer me, in fact, many times if I confront her with something like, "Hey, the toilet isn't flushing, what's up?" She'll say, "I didn't do it". So, she says to me: I'm not dirty, my germs aren't dirty".

ICK. I'm going to die doing this! I swear, I'm the one who's going to go nuts!

Each day I wake up I believe I'm in the movie Groundhog Day where that reporter is doomed to repeat his day forever!

Take a deep breath! Close my eyes. Try to remember what it was like before last year!
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One whine...today. Anyone have a parent who INSISTS on feeding your pet extra food when you ask them not to. I have a cat that I TAKE CARE OF. I feed it and water it every day. I groom it and take it to the vet when needed. I have asked my mom and asked her and asked her over and over to PLEASE NOT FEED THE CAT! I tell her there is food and water down for her at all times. My cat is not skinny (13 lbs). Lately I find full bowls of milk on the floor. I tell her and even make huge signs: DO NOT GIVE CAT FOOD OR MILK. This morning I find another bowl on the floor. I can't decide if she's doing it to just defy me cause she is stubborn as Taurus h*ll or what.
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I finally caved in. The kitchen sink was filthy. Why do I always think that sis will eventually do it? It was so disgusting, I had to clean it. At least sis finally bought her own toilet tissues, bread, and some food condiments. I was using my own money to feed both of us. She gets allowances from dad and from me. I've been resenting how she was eating my food and yet not pulling her weight. Yeah, yeah, she's babysitting dad Mon-Friday from 830am-630pm. But, I do the pampers (all by myself), change his bedding/clothes when he's soaking wet from the day shift, etc... Progress at work here. So, just a tiny whine today - the sink.
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Kazz, since sis had No Problems with mom, you can now use her to babysit mom while you take another trip. You may need to start decluttering around the house. What you don't need, store it in the garage or sell it off. Just try to go down to the bare necessities. Or if you have a spare room, store it there and Lock the door. I have gone to Bali Indonesia by myself for a week. I scheduled tours and just did a lot of walking and shopping. On my last day there, there was an aggressive Australian man trying to pick me up in our hotel. He just didn't know what NO was. I was soooo glad that I was leaving that day. I was getting so uncomfortable how he kept trying to get me to go to his room!

Camaryllis, please make sure all knives are safely secured from FIL. Disconnect the stove at nights. And keep an eye on him. He might progress from moving things around inside the house to opening the door and wandering outside, getting lost.
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Christine I've got news for you, you do live in an asylum. Yes put latches in the drawers but more important make sure he can't get out at night and wander off. Can you listen to music when you feel bad or burn some scented candles that will transport you somewhere wonderful like a forest or seashore. Listen to the sounds of birds singing or the ocean waves crashing onto the beach/ the occasional meltdown is not a bad thing especially if soothed by a good drink or a favorite food. I could just fancy a bar of Cadbury's fruit and nut chocolate right now.
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caring for my mother ended a year ago . my aunt is now in NH and its hard to say how long she'll be around . i can honestly say this tho . when aunt edna is gone i have no animosity towards any of her family members or for that matter , my own , but i dont like them , have never liked them , nor will ever like them .
i do write to my one sis every now and then tho . i feel shes the only one who has learned a dam thing from all this family turmoil ..
i have to make yet another automotive reference . if you look under the hood of modern cars you will see an electric fan in front of , and another electric fan behind the radiator -- so , it is physically possible to suck and blow at the same time .. my family in a nut shell .
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Our caretaker made $60 worth of phone calls from our parents' phone. Just another headache! Plus a breach of trust by someone we like and depend on.
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JeanetteB, did you ever think you would have over 1,000 postings to your question ~ My "whine moment today". What's yours?~
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toomuch...I don't understand...if YOU are the one who is doing the heavier part of the work...or seemingly ALL of it, I don't understand why you don't just dump her...I would rather do it ALL myself than to deal with someone like that in my home...Can you not dump her? just wondering...honestly I could not take it...
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Because it's so difficult to sit quietly, even if the moment presents itself!--I drafted my request to my mother's dr. for his letter stating that my mother is officially, formally, undeniably, heretofore perpetually INCAPACITATED! Hoping he can fax or email to me this week.
I'm expecting a busy week at work, and don't want to try to cram this task in, along with everything else.
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This morning was the icing on the cake for me. I normally prepare Dad's breakfast on the weekend. He and my sister were going out so he was pacing around waiting for breakfast. So I started the meal. Our HHA walks in says hello. My sister and I were chatting. I guess the greeting wasnt good enough so she tells me "You can handle things here today right ? Im tired and Im going home" My sister comes over and asks if everything is okay. She tells her "Im tired..she (meaning me) can handle things..Im leaving.." My sister did nothing. She didnt tell her that its her job to stay. No she told her, "do what you think is best.." So while they are chatting, IM FIXING THE MEAL. Excuse my french, but that @#$ had no intention of leaving. She was upset because she doesnt want to take direction from me. She wants to run the show. Instead of her asking what she could do to help, as always she pulls a diva move. My sister (just like my father) rushes to please her. At this point, Im living in a Twilight Zone. There was also an opportunity for my sister to address the issue of her bringing her son every day. My sister asked what does with her son during the day. She blatantly lied and told my sister she brings him "sometimes" My sister said, "thats great" Im done with this situation. Its a shame that this witch is driving me out of the home I grew up in but clearly that is the case. She sees I no longer bother with her, so she tried to suck up to my sister in order to get her way. My sister even told her she could "rest" while they were out . HUH ????
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