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And so again I say, one day, if God allows me continue living til then, I will have no problem walking away from every single one of these morons....were it not for Mama enjoying their company, I'd just as soon they stay away now.
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My whine moment: The only person who ever sits with my Mama has had a mini stroke and is now moved from the hospital to rehab, just thankful she is going to be ok, but still worried about her....thankfully, I know she is in good hands.....NOW...the whining starts...my brother texts me early this morning (he never moves early on Sundays) and lets me know he can come and stay with Mama while I go and visit my cousin in rehab today as he knows I need to do it.....ok...here's the deal, I spend my life caring for Mama, with NO help, other than the cousin, who knows I love her and to whom I speak every day. She knows I cannot come to visit and on Sunday, she is going to be covered up with all the other family members who also have not been to visit Mama since her horrid accident almost three years ago now...I told him Mama and I had a very busy week, I did not feel well (I never feel great but today I am hurting all over...literally feel like I am going to cry) so I do not think I will be going today..also she has been moved from our town to an adjacent town...but WHAT GRIPES ME...is he is soooo worried about my cousin and could give a rats butt about me...EVER. I anticipate he will make the big journey to visit her, probably take the wife, who also never visits my Mom and they will make their politically correct appearance, because then they can be seen ...unlike coming here and helping his sister take care of their mother....

Also, the week one of my aunts, one of two who does come for short visits now and then, told me she would be glad to come and stay with Mama BUT cannot come next week (which is when i needed her) because they are having revival at their church...that starts a whole "nother" whine with me. I am not a biblical scholar, and may get struck down for saying this, but in my mind, God is happier when we are actually out in the world helping folks instead of dusting off a church pew....I get into a lot of trouble for my views on this, but that is my opinion on that topic...I just don't get where someone thinks it is better to be sitting on their butt all dressed up in their Sunday go to meeting clothes than it would be to be helping the ONE sister who was always there for the entire family .....just sitting here shaking my head in disgust. One thing for sure, I have finally seen that if this old gal doesn't start looking out for my own self, there is going to be no one to take care of Mama. Thanks for listening.
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Kaz, the last thing I need or want is a man! Just more neediness and things I do not need!
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Yes Glad i know what you mean! i didnt meet anyone on holidays BUT wasnt bothered and quite liked just doing stuff on my own! my friends think im nuts as they would never travel alone BUT they dont get it and how you so much need a break that being on your own is heaven!!!!!!!
I ate in some lovely tapas bars the food was great i just pigged out and went to a flamenco show then a horse and carraige around the city it was bliss VERY hot but i was just so happy not to have to think about mum or look after her!
Back at the hotel bar in the evenings a few men were chatting me up as i was on my own why do men think because youre alone youre looking for a man??? always annoys me! people seemed shocked youre on your own? i felt like screaming my head off one night "YEH IM ON MY OWN I HAVE NO MAN"!!!!!!!!
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Kaz, the house was a disaster because your sis could not care for mom and clean up too. And the cleaning lady was there on Friday?! Sis was overwhelmed regardless of what she says.
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Kaz, I am going to visit Ash though I haven't told her yet! LOL! Her little house on two acres in the middle of nowhere sounds like heaven to me!

Probably head for the mountains, cooler there, a friend will let me use her condo that overlooks a lake with lots of boat activity! Hopefully, there won't be too much activity as I really crave solitude.
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Oh Camary! what a nightmare mum hasnt started this yet? BUT house was a mess when i got back she has started clearing under the stairs mess everywhere sister said house was spotless on friday when cleaning lady was here and now its a nightmare again. BUT ive let it all go over my head ive had to i just tidy it up like a robot and keep telling myself its not her fault????? i know it dosnt help but you cant turn round to her and say "wtf are you doing you crazy woman?" !!!!!
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I was feeling like that yesterday, wishing I could have my life back. Oh sure, it is my problem, because I just keep trying and trying to fix something that can't be fixed. Had a meltdown yesterday, when Charles got home from his meeting I went to bed and pulled the covers over my head. And tried to think of something happy to focus on, but couldn't think of anything. Sad. And I wondered what I used to do on the weekends before this. Ah well, it is just a matter of time before FIL has to go to a NH. MIL is annoying but I can manage her. FIL has been doing increasingly bizarre things. Like prowling around the house at night, taking things out of the kitchen drawers and putting them on the table, rattling around in the box with their meds, (Hid those yesterday). I am thinking of getting childproof latches to put on the drawers and cabinet doors. Every day I wake up to some new insanity. I feel like I live in an asylum. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Thanks for listening to me whine,
Christine
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Glad to hear you will make more time for yourself.You have to take care of yourself, it isn't a selfish thing to do , and anyone that tells you that, well, the words I would give to for you to tell them that would probably get me banished from this web site.Take your time off, remember at these NH there is a reason that they have shifts of nurses, no human being unless you are a robot can do this caregiving thing 24/7 unless you are wanting to drive yourself crazy.Batteries have to be recharged and so do our minds. I am glad you had a good time.
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Yes when i came in the door mum rushed to hug me and PHEWY? she smelt pretty bad! then it all just hits you YEP IM HOME!!!!!!

she was so happy to see me though god love her she was so worried with me flying after that awful crash im only now just seeing it on the news, i make a point of never knowing whats going on when im on holiday as id rather not know!

I want my life back booooooooooooooooooo hoooooooooo

Was so excited to be alone and free that i got up at 7am every morning and did everything i possibly could! it was like i had a week to live!! good thing though made me realise that i have to go away more so am planning a weekend now for my birthday YEP life is very short ill be damned if im going to spend 24/7 caring as my brother will just have to start staying here now. Im going to save every wk and treat myself to a wkend away once every six weeks now it may keep me saine!!
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Kaz when you feel the anxiety rising just close your eyes and let your mind wonder back to you sitting at the pool!!! Aaaahh!
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Gladimhere! glad youre having a break any break is better than none!! yes its depressing to come back to reality with a bang!

Have a great time and where are you going? somewhere nice i hope!
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Kazz, I am so happy to hear you had a good time! I will get my turn next weekend, for THREE days, to worry about what to wear. nOT! Never been much of a wardrobe nut , what's that some about faded blue jeans and a favorite dress? Well anyway, I am sure it is difficult to come back. I know it will be for me.

Good to have you back.
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I had a taste of freedom for a week and now i want my life back more than ever? all i had to worry about was what to wear out? oh just BLISS! i mean this is how my life used to be once? how did it come to this?

Yeh will take awhile to get back into carer mode again!
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HI!!!!!!!!!! BIG WHINE IM BACK!! DEPRESSION HAS KICKED IN! had a great time now back to smelly clothes and caring again!

Seville is lovely food etc was great BUT it got up to 50 so too hot to walk around spent most time IN the pool!

Home now and its 23 here so im cold! Sister gone today and guess what? shock horror????? Mum was FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh piss off! either my sister is so self obsessed OR shes not very clever to notice mums behaviour?????? given up just do what i can and stuff them!

cat was well looked after so thats good as missed him terribly! he didnt talk to me for a few hours boy was he angry with me for going away!! but he cant keep it up for long and slept at my feet last night!

Mum was a worry guts as she saw the plane crash and couldnt sleep until i came home she was never really like this before must be the dementia?

House is a mess and sister never cleans like i do so lots of washing to do?

Yeh back home so whine,whine,whine!!!!!!!!!!!
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Got home this afternoon after my typical 3 hour drive back from my mother's, to work on her yard and tour an AL place. Felt good that I could cross some things off my list, which never gets shorter--whatever task for her I manage to complete is immediately replaced with something else. I check the mail. Evidently, she applied for a line of credit at the bank this week (thanks to the helpful bank employee who must have swooped in and convinced her of this totally UN-NECESSARY thing)! It's not the end of the world, but I do have to call and cancel it.
I happened to be in this same bank today, asking them what I could/should do since she has dementia. They suggested that I get a not from her dr. saying she's no longer competent to handle her finances. So, that's another thing I will do this week. And I'll need to drive down AGAIN as soon as I receive it, to give it to them in person.
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My whine for the day. My brother is dying of cirrhosis and won't let me bring my mom to see him :(
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l love my mother would call from the NH every day starting at 3 p.m., ranting, raving and picking fights. The stress eventually made me ill and I changed my phone number.
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3 and 5?

Sundowners is increased confusion, sometimes aggressive behaviors that start to happen in the afternoon about 4 for my mom and continues until she goes to bed.
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3 and 5 is this Sundowners?
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Thanks, Captain -- I would use the plastic, but she lives in a desert area, and so it really is just dirt! :)
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looloo , i hope your putting the black cloth under the landscape gravel . if you dont the weeds will hop right back up thru the gravel . if your too cheap to buy the cloth , green colored garbage bags works fine . clear ones not so much . they let the sun in and plastic , stone and all head for the sky with weeds pushing it ..
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All in all, it's been a productive day. Visited an AL/memory care facility anf put my mother on the wait list, although she will never go unless/until a crisis necessitates it. It looks like a place anyone would would be happy at (but my mother? Lol!).
My only whine is that I am horrible at "eyeballing" things like distance, weight, measurements, etc. I had to work on my mother's landscaping because her HOA gave her a notice to fix things. This is my second time going over to fix her yard. I had to buy a few hundred pounds of gravel, and after putting today's load all over, saw that I STILL didn't get enough. I'm in town overnight, and so will get another load tomorrow and do it again. Maybe the 3rd time will be the charm.
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hope, i dont think you can change hospice providers . its a big fat lie . we tried 3 times . maybe im wrong but that was our experience ..
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My birthday is next week (turning 46). I have coverage for our aide to watch my mom & my mom is upset that I am going out of town for the day & not staying w/her. #guilttrip She is 93 and I am w/her every single day because she lives with me and I am losing my mind.
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My whine moment for today... Can't think of anything. Mom is doing great this week. My sister is visiting for a couple weeks and is staying with Mom and helping her. The weather is only in the mid 90's. Air quality is supposed to be good all week (good news for Moms copd and asthma). No homicides or suicides at work (I work at a prison). When the sun came up I was alive to see it. Life is good.
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Veronica...yes, I agree with you and also let the nurse know that all I had been needing and wanting to know was who was going to do it...them or me...I had early on told them I understood if they could not pay for it, but I could not let her sit here in pain and I needed to get on it right away...so they kept saying the team was meeting, they were talking about it, blah blah blah..everything they said indicated they were working on it and then to just waltz in today and say, "what they told me this morning was they could not pay for it " and add if I wanted their social worker to "help me" find an ambulance they would do so...but they would not pay for it...the issue with me is , they sat there and allowed Mama to be in pain for ten days whereas if they had just told me that was not something they would be able to do from the outset, I could have handled it...
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Hope the above posted without any help from me.
The transport company would probably have required you to pay for their services as will the dentist unless Mama has Medicaid in addition to Medicare. The principle of hospice is to provide comfort care for patients in their own home or an institution, BUT if a patient is being moved into a NH on hospice there is never any question about the need for an ambulance. You are changing hospices now so it does not matter but don't be afraid to make calls to the nursing supervisor every day or the hospice executive director and to cause the most trouble a letter to the chairman of the board of directors. these are a group of people from the community who meet monthly in a not for profit and often have little idea of what it takes to care for terminally ill patients and can stir up a lot of difficulties. if you described how badly your Mama is suffering with her teeth I guarantee they will all have toothache by the end of the meeting and Mama will be on her way to the dentist the next day. Bring with up when the new hospice comes to visit mama and get a promise she will go to the dentist within two days. Don't tell them she does not have pain tell them she never complains but you are sure how badly it must hurt and show them the blackened stump. in other words play up the negative and that the dentist is demanding to see her without delay.
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I wish you luck with your new hospice, lucky you have a choice. Please don't blame your nurse for this she has absolutely no power to make any decisions that will cost the organization money, everything is left to the "team" which may only meet every two weeks. What she could have done was explained this all to you and put you in touch with a medical transport company
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2tsnana I visit the nursing home about once a week. Meaner than a rattlesnake life long just about sums my mother up. I'm an only child and no-one visits as she trampled anyone who crossed her path (though my father and I took the brunt of it) and ran off any friends she may have had. The last visit she had from another was four months ago (her birthday) and that same person might (maybe) visit again at Christmas.

Any time I visit there are only one or two cars in the visitors lot, often not one, and this may be for many reasons - distance, work, family responsibilities, that the resident is "out of it" or just plain demanding, mean and nasty. In any event, the staff are wonderful, the place spotless and everyone is well cared for.
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