I live near and do things with mom a few times a week. It's never enough. She tells my siblings that we seldom do things. They call her often and come 2 times a year. When my sis comes from across the country she will do whatever sis wants and basically treat me like an old shoe. I do way more things for mom than my siblings. My sis has always been her favorite which is fine with me. At times I feel trapped, I wanted to move and asked mom to come so I won't.
I have almost 0 in common with them both. Sis trys to change every thing like bossing my adult kids to be around mom more. Her kids haven't seen mom in years, tries to run my life and mold me. I've been alone for 16 years and it seems her and mom want me to be beat down and keep mom happy.
I will tell you NOTHING will change...so go on with your life, that's all you can do...do for you...she won't change and will never be the mother you wanted or needed....ever...and I'm sorry for that you deserve better ;)
I called one of my dads friends and they were completely floored that I was calling, as far as they had been told, I was never around. Really, I see him 5xs weekly and talk multiple times a day. Yep, telling everyone and anyone that would listen that I put him in a home and disappeared.
If he was 15 pulling these stunts I would have washed his mouth out with soap for being such a fibber. Dial in the teeth might have made him think. Ugh!
You have done all you can, relationships are two way streets. Go, find your life and happiness.
She got very angry when I pointed out that I was the only one who was doing anything to keep her in her home. I was then told that I didn't do much at all, that my time wasn't worth anything, etc.
Now that one of my brother has taken over her finances, as she is no longer competent (she's in a NH), I am being paid hourly (and no, it's not minimum wage) for what I do for her AND I got back pay for all the aggravation I had to endure for the two years prior.
She still doesn't think much of me, but the money is going a long way towards my acceptance of the whole situation. She told me, "You don't pay family." Okay, then, but you also don't expect one child to do everything and then disrespect them and their time. She was so adamant that her trust be split four ways. And so it shall be. I'm getting paid as I go before the trust is split and distributed after her death.
My dear late mother would be bedraggled, sore and tired but as soon as my sister and her husband showed up or you name it, it was like the sun suddenly came out from behind a cloud.
I guess familiarity does breed contempt. Not always, but sometimes.
Based on my experience, the parents often favor the adult child who does the least and behaves the worst. I'm not sure why that is. It's not fair. That's for sure.
But, since you aren't happy, I'd work on building tools so you can move on making more positive experiences. You are in charge of your own life and free to do things that make you happy. Others may praise and show gratitude for the things you do. Even if you mother is not like that.
Your mother can make her choices. You can make yours. You don't need anyone's permission to make changes that work for you and your kids.
Mind you, the same holds good for your adult children. Your sister lecturing them about seeing their grandmother more often can't force them to do anything they don't want to do.
Why do you feel that your mother and sister have the power to keep you down? Is this a habit you've got used to all your life? Habits can be broken, you know. Bad ones especially.
I know how upsetting it is when you feel taken for granted, but your "rare bird" sibling gets the full celebrity treatment. It makes you wonder why you bother! But when you think about it, it is natural. Your sibling is a novelty. You are routine. It isn't hard to understand.
So - what about that move? What would you like to change about your life?