I went to the cemetery over the weekend, as I usually do and go through the same self questioning, apologizing, and feeling sad over my mom. Then after a few minutes I suddenly came to the realization that I have to move on and start living my life. And as soon as I thought that, the feelings of sadness and grief just left me. And while I still miss my mom, it's not with the same depth of grief or yearning. That realization just snapped me out of it. My mom is in the next world, as I believe, and I am still here with who knows how many years left. So the issue is and has been moving out of state as I have wanted to do for many years. I have been vacillating back and forth, should I move or stay. And I realize that at 65 years old I need to move, just to accomplish this goal I have and wanted to do for many years. If I don't I know I will feel disappointed in myself and that an opportunity has passed. So I am trying to stick with this goal of moving. I feel I really can't and don't want to stay here anymore. So I am giving it a go in 3 or 4 months. If it doesn't work out, I am still in a good position to move somewhere else. But I feel that time is running out and I need to live the life I've wanted to live for a long time in an area I've always loved since I was young. Curious what your advice would be. Any advice, thoughts, concerns is welcome and would be helpful. Thanks.
Great list above. I retired about 7 years ago and it took me 6 years to feel "retired." Mother is still alive but in a facility at a distance so she does not occupy that much of my time, though still a lot of my thoughts.
I think it is good to build a new routine - one without work and without caring for your mum. That leaves a lot of time to fill.
You have an opportunity here to "reinvent" yourself., build a new life incorporating things you couldn't fit in before but wanted to do. It can take awhile, and maybe some trial and error, to figure out what those things are.
You still will be grieving - for your mum and possibly some for your job. Personally, as much as was ready to retire, I still missed certain aspects of work e.g socializing with co-workers, lunch time discussions...You can't really replace those but you can find alternatives.
Let us know how you are doing.
I hear you loud and clear. I think we all go through this struggle after a long time caring for our elderly parents. I wish there was an answer because I am looking for one too. First, I struggled to accept my dad's passing. I kept punishing myself because I feel I made a fatal error in his care. Now, I just feel empty because I didn't realize how much my own identity was wrapped in taking care of him.
Everyone in my life has been encouraging but I still haven't really found my way. From reading other threads, I see the following suggestions come up over and over again. I hope they will be a starting point.
Volunteering
Looking for a job
Painting
Walking
Meditation
Traveling
MeetUp groups in you area
Journaling
Adopting a pet
Read inspirational books
Watch YouTube videos about re-inventing one's life
Try and expand your social circle as much as possible. I know its all easier said than done, but keep trying. If painting doesn't work, then try something else till something really resonates with you. We have to honor our parents by living as fully as possible.
Thank you for sharing. I too wanted to start over after my dad passed last year but I too have remained to stay put for now. Glad you are feeling like you are coming out of a fog and enjoying the painting. I think the key is to keep moving forward the best we can. I too wanted my father to live to 100 and I guess as children in a way we just expect our parents to live forever.
Take care and all the best for 2018.
I am so glad you are painting again. It is a wonderful means of self expression. I am sure our survival instincts get us through the tough times. There is real comfort in knowing we will see our loved ones again.
Sounds like you are doing well!
I can relate to the dream of starting a new life somewhere else. But yes, as you say, you ARE living a new life already, and you do have time to make plans and dream and heal before doing anything too big... the idea that GardenArtist gave you about travelling, I think that is excellent; on a quest to find where your next life "could" be, without too much pressure...
wishing you the very best
I really empathize where you are coming from. You have devoted so much of your life and time to your beloved mother. Grief is a long journey. But like the others have said, its okay to take a leap if and when you are ready for change.
The first year of grief is ones of the hardest. I was raw and thought a lot about running away from my life. Everywhere I turned reminded me of my dad and it was painful. I'm still debating about buying a new home. Its a lot to consider. I'm going to follow GardenArtist's advice.:-)
You're ONLY 65; I'm 73 and do plan to move when I'm no longer a caregiver, but I plan to travel first to get a better feel for where I want to move. And I won't do it w/o a lot of research, on crime and tax levels in the areas under consideration, on opportunities for seniors, on weather and how climate change is affecting that area, on educational and medical communities in reasonable proximity, and more aspects.
There's no reason why you have to make a decision on moving now, especially as winter is approaching.
Give yourself a break, research, create a variety of plans, chart the positives and negatives, then when you feel more settled start visiting areas and make very sure that that is what you want to do, rather than doing it because you feel you just need to move forward, ready or not.