My husband is 80 he has heath problems so I take help him. I am 62 post menopause. He suffers from erectile disfunction and has diabetes. That does not bother me but he wants sex all the time. He talks about it, he says how his old girlfriend would do it. I don't want sex or to touch it. I don't know why but I feel like a nun. It does not bother me to not have sex but I try to tell him and he thinks I am seeing someone. I am always home taking care of him. What can I do?
There was no ill intent with what I told her nor was there any religious undertones or "lecture."
Plus if you read her post she only lists ED and diabetes as her husbands "health issues" which you and I both know don't require her constant care, so I was going off of what the OP shared, as that is all any of us have to go by. No where does she mention having to change her husbands diapers or the like.
And as I said in my original response to the OP that if her husband has dementia (which she didn't mention) that there are drugs to curb her husbands sexual appetite, and for her to talk to his doctor.
I'm sorry you're going through this and wish you good luck and Godspeed with a difficult situation. If he ever pushes you past your limit or hurts you, do not hesitate to call 911 and have him transported to the ER for a psych evaluation.
She is a full time caregiver and he obviously has signs of dementia and is obsessed and delusional about this behavior, and she should be joyfully available between helping him and all the other caregiving tasks? She put forward the question on a sensitive subject and I admire her honesty. There is nothing wrong with her. It is just the way she feels She deserves practical advice and not a lecture on religion and marriage.
I don't believe that you being "post menopausal" has anything to do with you not wanting to make love to your husband as many of us post menopausal women(myself included)would love to have someone in our lives who desires us, and who could still make love in one way or another.
It sounds like there's more to your story than what you've shared. And the fact that you mentioned that your husband's health issues are just ED and diabetes doesn't really require you having to stay home and care for him does it?
And I guess since you say that you don't want to even "touch it" that you're not open for just a hand job then either huh?
I'm sorry you've lost that part of your femininity at such a young age of 62(you may need to see your doctor as to why), and I don't recommend doing anything you truly don't want to, but I do believe that there should be some kind of a compromise between the 2 of you that would satisfy you both.
I'm wishing you both well in figuring out just what that is.
Now on a side note...if your husband indeed has some form of dementia and that's what's causing his wanting to have sex all the time, then you may need to speak to his doctor as there are medications that can curb that.
Otherwise it should be all about the compromise.
If he does have dementia, the hyper-sexual behavior is common. Ask his doctor what kind of medication can put the brakes on it, then get it. If you can put it in his food and drink without him even knowing, great.
Whether he hs dementia or not, you need a break from him. You are not an old woman and should not be at home 24/7 taking care of him like a drudge.
You need a life of your own outside of the house that isn't caregiving. You can still be a caregiver to your husband. If he doesn't like it, too bad. Caregiver burnout is real and caregivers have to try to safeguard themselves against it as much as possible. Bring in outside hired help if you need to. Get out of the house as much as you can. Socialize with friends and do things you enjoy without your husband. Good luck.
You have not mentioned any cognitive impairment or diagnosis, but this type of hypersexuality can be part of some dementias, sort of like OCD. I would talk to his doctor as there is medication that can address this. Treatment depends on the severity and the cause.
From ChatGPT5.5...
1. Non-medication approaches (first-line when possible). These may include:
Calmly redirecting the person to another activity.
Avoiding arguments or shaming.
Looking for triggers such as boredom, loneliness, anxiety, or confusion.
Ensuring privacy if the behavior is not harmful.
Adjusting clothing if there is frequent disrobing.
2. Review medications - Some drugs can contribute to hypersexuality, including:
dopamine agonists used for Parkinson's disease,
certain stimulant medications,
occasionally other psychoactive drugs.
A medication review by the prescribing clinician is important.
3. Treat underlying distress - Sometimes apparent hypersexuality is driven by:
anxiety,
loneliness,
agitation,
or unmet emotional needs.
Addressing those issues may reduce the behavior.
4. Medications
When the behavior is persistent, causes significant distress, or creates a safety issue, physicians sometimes prescribe medications. Common options include:
SSRIs (such as sertraline or citalopram), which can reduce compulsive or intrusive sexual behaviors in some patients.
Other psychiatric medications may be considered in selected cases when symptoms are severe.
In rare, extreme situations where there is dangerous or uncontrollable behavior, specialists may consider medications that suppress testosterone, but these are generally reserved for exceptional circumstances because of their significant side effects and ethical considerations.