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I can't believe it. After living in this town for four years, we finally had our first visitor! The gentleman is 95 years old and lives 25 miles away. With the beach traffic it can take up to an hour to travel that distance. He used to hang with one of her older brothers growing up, so they have known each other forever. His wife was in the same nursing home as my father. Dad passed away and a few months later his wife also passed away. Over the last several years, prior to moving mom in with me, he has proposed. Mom has always refused him. To think he would drive the distance yet not one relative on either side has shown up. Most of them live between 30 and/or 35 miles away.
He stayed maybe 10 minutes and then was walking to the door to leave. Why? Because my mother told him she was tired. She only gets out of bed to eat or go to the bathroom. She has alienated everyone. Both friends and relatives. I felt so bad for him because of her actions. If he had stayed longer, I would have fed him supper, but he was gone too fast.
Isn't it something that he drove here to see mom, especially with the road being loaded with people traveling to Ocean City and Rehoboth? It made my day when he knocked on the door even though I was doing laundry and didn't have time to chat.
I believe I will have to make him something special and take it to him the next day my #4 son is off. Maybe make him an ice cream cake. Knowing the back roads to take, hopefully it'll get to him before it melts.

Like you, I was upset when my elderly mother cut herself off socially but this is a conversation you need to have WITH HER. Not with us, about her.
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Alva, good cop bad cop.😆
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Ha, Nacy, I don't much like the human animal and often see only the BAD in people. We together would make a pair--somewhere between us exists a real person!
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Wow,you guys might be right.

Man , no matter how many life lessons are thrown at me I still only see good in people😵‍💫
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He proposed to Mom in his 90s? She rejected him? And still, in his 90s, he drives in all this traffic to see Mom?

Mom said she was "tired". I suspect mom is feeling a bit stalked by a suitor she has rejected.
I would make that lovely ice cream cake and give it to mom. I think she has a great way of getting rid of unwanted suitors.

As to a guy in his mid 90s pursuing a gal in her mid-nineties, one has to kind of wonder if he wants to be a caregiver, or wants care?
And one just MUST worry about his being in all that traffic.

Seriously, C., would talk to mom before giving any sort of attention that this sweet fellow may mistake for encouragement. But I have to say, this post gave me the giggles, and that's ALWAYS a good thing!
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This is a discussion thread. The whole purpose is to talk about things other than caring for someone.

Nice that the man came to visit. Is Mom in her 90s? If so, she probably is tired. Maybe she is not into him as much as he is her. Ask him to next time call ahead to see if Mom feels like company.
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I may be seeing this from a different angle.
This man has tried to "woo" your mom. She is clearly not interested.
If you were not in the room he may have said inappropriate things to her or tried once again to get her interested in him.
And if he can not take a "hint" telling him that she is tired and asking him to leave.
And personally I never liked people to show up un announced or un invited when I was caring for my Husband. A stranger has no idea what it is like as a caregiver and where you are in the daily routine of caregiving.
So...if you have this mans number and if your mom wants him to visit again call him up and say, "mom would love to see you when she is more able to have visitors. Thursday mid morning is a good time and you can join us for lunch"
If mom does not want to see him again that also should be communicated to him, in a gentle way.
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OMG, incredible, not increasable!!
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Actually U are, we have a discussion section on increasable things, or even on my mind, so next time instead of a new thread put it there.
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Hi uare - That's a very special story - and an especially kind man - he made a very thoughtful effort.

It sounds like you have a great idea to bring him an ice cream cake - everyone loves an ice cream cake...and that's a very thoughtful gesture back to him in return!

And I DO see this as perfect for the "Discussion" portion ....Thank you for sharing it!

Sending my very best wishes ~
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Uare, it's all good, your a caregiver and wanted to share a story, it's all Good with me
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I bet people on FaceBook or Nextdoor.com would enjoy this story so that your local community can also be happy for your first visitor. I don't see where this is a "discussion" about caregiving, and this is a global forum.
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Uare, I think that's a really nice idea to make him something. Your mom must of been special to him .
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