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she sounds nasty try to ignore it
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You have many people here telling you it is time to transition your mom into memory care. I know there can be guilt with putting a parent into a facility but it's clearly draining your life and you haven't developed the necessary ability to let the insults roll off your back. She doesn't mean them - it's because of her illness.

I'm confused - you say you want someone to evaluate her but you also said later that "I wanted to add to my initial post that I do have an official diagnosis of Dementia and Alzheimer's as well as a statement of incapacity from her primary care doctor." Why do you need an evaluation if she's already been evaluated?

Are you hesitating to put her in permanent memory care because you help pay for the house? Are you afraid you won't have somewhere to live if she is not at home?
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Hi TM Roger,

Lord I feel for you! And you still concerned and trying to help her and she mean and threatening! Calling you Q and F!
Well TM you aint alone, I just dont understand how people get to be this nasty and to their own children! Those they are meant to love the most!

I do not have a solution for you! Can you ask her what she would like to do going forward. Do you have somewhere else to live if she were to throw you out?
You need support! It, s not all about her! Tell her, you feel you cant cope anymore with her. I mean do you love her so much that you are willing to sacrifice your own sanity and happiness?
You cant allow her to destroy you!

Can you turn the tables on her and just be positive and firm and calm.

Take her out to lunch or to a park. Does she enjoy anything? Is there anything fun she would like to do before she dies?

Well you have this forum, you are not alone! Stay strong

Go out and do something for you. It, s not all about her! But yeh, shocking about the home helps but surely they professional people and used to dealing with cantankerous elderly?
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I feel so much for what you are going through. It can be so painful, hurtful and demoralizing when the parent you had is no longer the parent you have. And trying to not hear what they say, or rationalizing it by thinking that they don't know what they are saying due to their illness, doesn't negate the words that pierce your heart. I know, for I went through this myself- although my mother didn't have memory issues. Throughout my lifetime, she said the same things yours has -except she was fully mentally present - "I should have never had you" or "You're just like your worthless father" - dealt emotional blows to me that made me try to do everything possible to change the 'perception' she had. But with no success.

Even when she aged I did everything possible for her, she still said terrible hurtful things to me, about me to others, yet my being an only child and only family she had, I felt I had a duty/obligation/responsibility to take care of her - but it ended up being out of guilt, not love.

Next time she wants to go to the attorney, agree to it and take her. (although forewarn the attorney of her conditions). The attorney will be able to quickly assess her mental capabilities and coupled with the medical diagnosis of dementia, any legal documents can no longer be changed by her. )Btw- the medical diagnosis does enable you to enact the DPOA for her, thus you can make legal and medical decisions for/about her). But the attorney appt could have the attorney have the discussion with her about changing the DPOA, that the attorney will 'investigate' it to be discussed in a follow up appt (which your mother might forget about). But the appt could also assist the attorney in making the determination that she is incapable of handling her own affairs and that the DPOA can be enacted.

You need a support system- and given the lack of family/relatives - start checking out various agencies that could provide some relief for you. Maybe even hiring a Geriatric Care Manager who could step in at times for you. I did just that for my mother, so that I had a back up, when needed, to take her to dr appts, deal with medical issues/concerns, assist in finding the help mother needed. Plus that way, I was able to take a weekend off here and there, without worry, because mother knew she could call the Geriatric Care Manager in my absence for anything and everything. Yes, it costs, but well worth the mental relief I would get periodically.
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First recommendation is to find an Alzheimer's Support Group where you can express your frustrations & get advice from others in your type of situation. You may need to seek out counseling for yourself also. Talk with Alzheimer's Association about respite care as it sounds like you could use it. Have your mom checked out by a gerontologist for possible med changes or reasons for change in behavior.
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Oh my gosh..you have been a saint to tolerate this ABUSE from her for so long. Please make a referral to your local County Adult Protective Services unit and they will work with you as Durable POA to find a suitable placement. Think of it as saving her from herself..and you reclaiming the life you so richly deserve. Life is hard enough to give yours away to someone who is incapable of appreciating you. I am in the process of doing that too at this moment. I ended up in hospital ER with an almost deadly panic attack and low oxygen level after her most recent verbal and physical attack. Life is too short .,live yours, and find someone who deserves to love you ...Sending a hug.
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