I'm the caregiver for my 84 yr old mom with dementia. She still lives at home and her husband recently passed away in a NH. She has 2 pugs that are 8 yrs old and they never should've had them in the first place. Her husband wasn't a mentally stable person and he refused to let them out. They spent their lives in the house, not being walked, and they do not go outside in the yard, the kitchen floor is their toilet.
My mom has rheumatoid arthritis as well and is always banging her shins and arms and has balance issues. My brother's and I were estranged from mom and her husband for years due to his mental issues and my mother's refusal to admit it. He went into the NH this past April and this has been dumped on me. My mom is very stubborn and selfish and can also be sweet and funny. She complains all the time that she is sick of cleaning up urine and feces and when the dogs drink water they drip it on the floor and this sends her over the top. She is obsessed with it and inspects the floor for water drips like a detective. She uses a filthy old mop that she doesn't rinse out to mop up the water, then drags a fan back and forth from the living room to the kitchen to plug in and dry the floor. She will also lock the dogs out of the kitchen which to me in her mind means they won't go to the bathroom if they can't go in the kitchen.
I get that this is the dementia making her make these choices but the dogs are suffering and I tell her all the time I'm going to find them a home with a yard where they can run and play and be walked. I had SPCA come who didn't seem to think there is a problem. After that my mom kept saying she is going to call the guy and tell him to take them away but she never did. I've been doing this for six months and last night was the final straw for me. She had them locked out of the kitchen, and no water, which she refuses to leave out all day for them.
This summer was one of the hottest and I fought with her everyday to leave water out all day for them. She will tell me "she gave them water", which means she gave them water once, and took it away. I contacted a Pug rescue and they found a home right away and we have it set up for next weekend. My sanity is hanging by a thread. Adult Protective Services actually told me, "Well, the dogs have managed to survive this long." It's affecting my caregiving of my mother. I can barely spend ten minutes in her house anymore. I think my sanity and health are more important at this point and I feel these beautiful dogs deserve a decent home for the life they have left in them. I guess I'm writing for support. Thank you
Your sanity and health are everything if you hope to continue taking care of your mother. The problem here is admitting that your mom is too far gone to make decisions for herself---nobody likes to; it is so final.
You're not being hard-hearted, but loving.
And you're not lying! - they will be having a lovely time. It was a smart move on your part to go to the breed rescuers. Pug owners (the ones I've watched anyway, we have a club round here that meets once a quarter) make us other dog lovers look like normal sane human beings.
If your mother were emotionally attached to one very elderly dog, I'd have answered your headline question with 'don't if you can possibly help it.'
But she isn't. I'm sure she's fond of them in her own way, and feels some responsibility for them (nobody wants to think of herself as Cruella de Ville), but they are at least as troublesome to her as they are a benefit.
So as the rescue people have come up trumps, you're looking at a situation that is good for everybody concerned. Your mother may feel a twinge of guilt and regret, but I think the honest truth is she'll really be relieved.
And the dogs? They'll love you forever. Wishing them every happiness in their new home!
Honestly, if she just flat refuses, I'd push until I wore her down, but eventually she would agree.
Thank you for caring for these dogs. Not to mention, you'd be doing a great service for your mom for her to live in a clean environment and be safer.