I cannot be there to take care of her. I've told her this. I live in another state. She's in serious denial of her mobility. She has other family close by, but they, too, are busy with their lives. I know they're going to be all over me to come help when she's out. I don't know what to do with my aunt. She's denying at home care, and assisted living, and denying she has dementia. She cannot be home alone. I know I may have posted this a thousand times, but I honestly do not know what to do with her. We're all at ease with her in rehab, but when she comes out, then what? Friends are telling me to move in to help her. No way! I work, live far, and even if I were willing, feisty, stubborn aunt doesn't want help except to clean her house. What happens next?
I couldn't respond to you:
"I take it she never assigned someone different after you told her? Or did she pick one of the local family members? No, I don't think she ever assigned anyone, afterwards.
"What I don't get is why everyone local to where she lives always thinks this should be on you. Did she raise you after your mother died or something?....Or why do they keep thinking you should do it? That's weird to me." No. She didn't raise me. She wasn't my guardian. I was grown when my mom passed. They feel it should be on me because they found out I used to be POA, and not through me. I guess my aunt told them. I do not know. But they kept throwing, "Well. you have POA, you should do this, and you need to do that.. "at me. They expected me to give up my life, job and freedom even though I don't live anywhere near them. I got sick of it.
For all you know, aunt could be telling everybody at the rehab that good ol’ Tiredniece will be taking care of her at home, and there could still be paperwork floating around listing Tiredniece as POA.
Especially after your aunt was such a raging B to you and showed her true colors.
Who really gives a damn what friends are telling you. Tell your "friends" to back the eff off and if they want to they can go ahead and move in with your aunt and assist her with ALL her needs.
Honestly I really don't know why you don't just cut this aunt out of your life already. The fact that aunt and others keep pushing and pushing and won't stop with the same old move in and give up your life and take care of me song and dance shows how little any of them care about YOU.
Thank god you live far away from aunt and the others so you can't get sucked into this vortex of care giving for a stupid old woman who needs to be in a facility but refuses to go into one. The aunt has children so you should not be involved at this point in any decisions, let her children deal with her.
But you're right. I know the cousins value little of me and my life.
At discharge if they feel that she needs home care EACH and EVRY family member needs to FIRMLY state that they can NOT care for her.
It needs to be made clear that there is no one at home to care for her.
If your aunt is cognizant and she tells the rehab, and her doctors that she will agree to home care simply to get discharged then discontinues the service that is on her. Being cognizant that is her "right" to refuse service.
(and if each family member does not think she should be discharged but she manages anyway "simply" refuse to take her home. She can take a cab, Uber, Medical transport)
If she is NOT cognizant then POA and family members need to make it clear that she is not safe at home. Rehab can not discharge her if it is unsafe.
**If she is not cognizant and there is no POA then someone should petition for Guardianship. If no one wishes to become Guardian then the Court will appoint one. (if that happens family will have little to say regarding her care.)
Often some event will occur that will force someone into AL, MC or Long Term Care/Skilled Nursing.
After she IS home, whatEVER they provide, YOU supply only her phone number and address to Adult Protective Services for wellness check, or police or sheriff office. You do NOT go to where she is.
If you DO go there, then that is your choice and your responsibility.
You ask what happens next? That is entirely up to your aunt and her caregivers. Just see to it you are not included in the latter. Unless, of course, you choose to be.
You need to call the discharge department at the Rehab and tell them that No One is coming to care for her after rehab; that she will be returning to an empty home
They will be making an "unsafe discharge"--use those words.
Tell the rest of the family to stop enabling her. Social services will step in and place her