My aunt (single, childless, lives alone) acknowledged she was having memory issues and has been seen by the local geriatric/memory care practice. Initially she was also depressed so they opted to treat depression first, but memory is declining. However, she is VERY defensive about her memory problems and refuses to talk about it or acknowledge that she doesn't remember. She insists on being involved in all discussions regarding caregivers, doctors' appointments etc., but then forgets the discussion a day later and insists it didn't happen. The Visiting Nurse and home PT both have said she can't be left alone, her memory is that bad. Does anyone have suggestions for defusing her combative stance? Still working on getting a POA signed. (Also super defensive if you suggests she needs a shower).
First diagnosis was about 8 months ago, and a recent hospitalization and stint in rehab seems to have accelerated things a bit. And not taking the depression meds for a few days after returning from rehab also probably did not help. She is back on the meds and already seems improved mood wise.
We are taking care of POA and medical directives on Friday (we've already spoken with a lawyer and have drafts--will finalize them on Friday); have filed a long term health insurance claim and are talking with an agency about scheduling 24 hr care. Thank you for the opportunity to vent and the reminder about the importance of patience and placing myself in her shoes.
It sounds like if you are going to be in charge of her care (is that the plan?) you will do well to learn about dementia behaviors and how to deal with them. With dementia, things don't get better.
In picking your battles, I think getting medical and financial POAs and a healthcare directive in place is more important than getting Auntie to take a shower (in the short run, anyway).
I'm sorry, Weary, I do really understand that this is no laughing matter.
For the bigger picture, patience.
For the practical details, patience + trial and error with solutions that work for aunt. E.g., her involvement in making arrangements: what about getting her an organiser-type wall calendar and writing down the key details? Separate slips of paper get lost, conversations get forgotten; but if there is ONE single point of reference that she can look to she may find that a useful prop.
How long ago did she have her baseline assessment? I'm just wondering how much time she's had to adjust to a different-shaped future from the one I expect she was hoping for.
Single, childless and living alone: the options available for memory care pretty much all involve having a lot more people around for a lot more of the time, and you can see why somebody who's never experienced much intrusion into her personal life would find it an unwelcome change.
I should be incredibly selective about which battles to pick. With the shower issue, for example, let somebody else make the personal remarks! It's good that there are already professionals engaging with her, so you can be the sympathetic ear and advocate.
Going forward, avoid situations where she is faced with her memory loss. There's no reason to say, "Remember Auntie? We talked about this yesterday and you said....." Or if she insists the sky is green you reply with, "You're right, Auntie. What shade of green is that? Emerald?" Keep her calm and avoid contradicting her.