Our dad is not taking care of mom properly. He does not see her needs like we do. He thinks she is way more capable than she is. His pride is the biggest issue. They need to be in assisted living asap, before a major issue occurs. He thinks a year! Can we force them sooner because of lack of care? She has lewy body dementia and is getting worse everyday. He just has some mobility issues. I can't be at there house every day all day!
You have two ill people, one failing mentally and doing more than he can/should and the other failing mentally and therefore without a voice.
I believe, if your father will not listen, it may be time to call in intervention with APS so they can assess the situation. If father is competent and they find no extreme danger or deficits in the care, you will not be able, nor will THEY to intervene.
However, you do know that the call from a hospital will come, as one came to me.
You will then have to be ready to call in social workers as soon as you can.
Sorry this is happening.
Does your Mom have a PoA? If so this person needs to take action on her behalf now. It may mean she goes into facility care by herself until you can assess if your Dad can live alone (probably not). He will hopefully follow her more willingly.
The dad is in denial and needs to be medically evaluated, too.
When I mentioned moving to a lovely senior community, Mom refused, Dad said he could be packed by sundown. When I mentioned having caregivers come in to help, Mom refused, Dad was ready to hold the front door open for them.
I had to wait until there was a major medical emergency before anything like moving or caregivers could be used. Then and only then could I use my Power of Attorney. Mom, due to a major fall, had to be placed in a skilled nursing home. Dad was happy to have around the clock caregivers. I would have loved to have had both parents together, but medically it was too much of a challenge. Thank goodness they saved for a rainy day, as it was now pouring!!
It would be like living in a hotel. An easier life with less responsibilities and work. Meals prepared, snacks available, and activities. They can participate or not.
Emphasize they would both be safe, fed and taken care of. You would come visit often, and not have to do more work besides your own household chores.
Remind him that he is not trained, or a medical professional, and neither are you. You could mention the longer he stalls, the price may go up?
If he doesn't listen, you will have to be blunt and tell him you simply CANNOT be at their house every day, all day. You have your own responsibilities. What if you get sick or have an accident, then what will they do?? Insist he give you an answer!
Otherwise get a letter to their doctors, to have them help with this.
Good Luck!
I don’t know how you could speed things up as far as placement goes. Maybe if you were to show him how he could relax if they were placed in an assisted living facility.
Would he be willing to take a tour of a few of them? Most will invite prospective residents to have lunch and get a feel for what it’s like to live there permanently.
A doctor long ago told me to do this about a loved one, and it worked.
Also, visit some places and have them in mind when the time comes to make the decision. It can happen really fast.
Also, I think your dad has more than mobility issues. If he doesn't see her needs, he's possibly lost some executive function. Dementia patients are reluctant to let anyone see how they really are. They can fake it - for a while.
They can also help with nutrition they can send ensure if someone isnt eating.Now is the right time to make those decisions.They will resist at first but may accept it in time.In the future there will be piece of mind for you as hospice wil help you when placement is necessary.
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