I wanted to know if there are laws that could put me at risk as the caregiver of my mother for leaving her alone for an hour to two one day a week. My mother is bedridden and I pay someone to take care of her every weekday and Saturday.
On Sundays I take care of her all day, but at times I need to go to my house which is 3-4 minutes away. She also has hospice service and they come in to bathe her every day, and a nurse from the same hospice service visits three times a week.
Recently, the nurse came in while I was at my house and said that leaving my mother alone is a violation and the next time she would put in a complaint. Is this something they can really do? My mother is not at risk by being by herself for one to two hours. She has a bed with rails and cannot fall off. I have cameras to keep an eye on her while I am not there and like I said, I live 3-4 minutes away. I find it very frustrating to think this is true as how would I even get her stuff from the grocery store when she needs it. Like I said, we always have someone here during the week, but not on Sundays.
Please let me know what are some of you doing with a similar situation. Thank you!
Yes you have bed rails, yes the chance that she would try to get up is 1 in a million.
But things happen. Unexpected things happen.
If you need to run to your house do so when the CNA is there from Hospice.
What things do you need to get from the store that can not be obtained when someone else is there? (or you text or call the caregiver to stop at the store or you arrange for delivery)
On Sunday if you have to run out ask a neighbor if they will sit for a bit.
Hospice also has Volunteers that will sit with mom while you run out. You can request one and even schedule one to come weekly so you know they will be there every Thursday from 1 to 3 (Typically a Volunteer will stay no more than 4 hours, usually in those 4 hours no "hands on care" is needed and a Volunteer can not do hands on care) You can then make plans to do some shopping, have your doctor appointment or go get a cup of coffee with a friend when the Volunteer is there.
All that said I would bet that there is not 1 caregiver that has not left someone alone for a brief period of time. And 99.999% of the time nothing happens but if something does happen you would never forgive yourself.
I appreciated your "...you all act like you stay chained to the person you are caring for.." and agree with you.
This forum is getting to be too much for me. I've cutback how often I visit.
Here's another scene. A exhausted, sleep deprived mother finally gets her baby to sleep. She has to shower, takes the trash out, cooks dinner, does the laundry, then maybe collapses into a comalike sleep. While she's doing all those things and sleeping, she can't and doesn't have time to watch the baby.
Here's another scene. A busy daycare center with two care attendants with about 12 kids. Both are busy with the other 11 kids. An infant in the backroom has been crying for 30 minutes. It'll be another hour or two before an attendant can go back to change and feed the baby.
Those who say they never leave a baby alone either forgot what it was like to take care of a baby and having millions of other things going at once, or they never had children.
All mothers do NOT leave their babies in cars while they get gas, etc.
Who would leave an infant in a crib all alone to go run an errand?
"I HOPE NO ONE WOULD."
Guess what? A bedridden person is as helpless as an infant.
Your question is not about the well being of your mother. It’s about you and “being caught.” The anxiety and fear your mother may feel about being left unsupervised doesn’t even enter into it. If she’s completely unconscious, it’s even worse. Maybe you’d get it if the house caught fire while you were supposedly at your house watching your mother on a camera. I’m sure you’ll feel really good about those bars that prevent her from getting out of bed then. With your mother in the condition she is in, if she is conscious, those bars act as restraints that would not permit her to escape in the event of an emergency.
My opinion is that the nurse should have reported you the first time she caught you as she is required by law to do. It’s obvious that you are turning to this forum hoping that someone will tell you that your conduct is ok and the authorities will condone it. And so you have (see below).
Leaving a completely vulnerable bedridden adult alone for several continuous hours a day is a crime, in the same way leaving an infant unattended would be. If you can’t give your mother your undivided attention, either hire a Sunday caregiver or place her in a setting where concerned caregivers will take care of her. And if this nurse is showing up unannounced, it must mean that you are on her radar and she will soon return to see if she can catch you again. So it behooves you to stop leaving her alone if for no other reason than avoiding a confirmed finding of neglect against you and risking the appointment of a guardian advocate who will investigate placement elsewhere and perhaps petition the court to take away your POA. If you have one.
As for the grocery store, have it delivered as so many other people are doing daily since the pandemic started. If you are also going to the grocery store on Sunday, you are probably a lot further away and for longer periods than you claim.
In hospitals and care facilities, when a patient pushes the HELP button to call for help, no nurse or CNA ever comes right away. Usually it takes 15 minutes to 30 minutes for someone to show up. Sometimes, no one shows up at all. Should they be charged with neglect?
I wonder how often the hospital and care facility staff actually check on their patients. Every minute? Every hour? Or every few hours? In between checks, patients fall all the time. I bet some patients choked to death too and no one was there.
I wonder if they should be charged with neglect.
You, my dear, are doing the best you can and sounds like you are doing a great job! Installing cameras, the anxiety of running that errand, YES, you do care very much!
Consider a different hospice, after that they should be fired! The new hospice I have for my mom is night and day difference. One week they told me mom needs 24/7 care, the next week, because she could barely wobble to the toilet she no longer qualifies. Came in and cut her off. Then I get a call from protective services. A week later mom is diagnosed with lung cancer. I may ask, why is mom bedridden? Does this hospice have her "morphed" out already?
If a person "can not get themselves to safety" is left alone, "that is NEGLECT."
For instance, if there is a fire or an emergency, the person must "be able to get themselves out" "to safety" and must also be able to call for help if needed.
You are risking something happening to your mother and you could be held responsible.
Having said that... looking back, no I don't think there was a moment after my mother returned home bedridden that she was left alone in the home. Not as far as I can recall. I barely went out, and at the time my exSO also lived with us, plus we had daily visits from care providers.
And I don't think I would if I were doing it again.
Is your mother able to operate a call button? Can she summon help/the emergency services if she needs to?
I don't want to pry or to lecture, but what is it that can't be left undone at your home on Sundays? Is it impossible to shift your schedule around?
The least expected could happen. Please don't do it.
Lord forbid, What if the home caught on fire?
Can you run errands while the nurse is there or can it be worked out so the nurse run errands?
And P.S. and by the way, how in the world did you find a Hospice agency that sends an aide out every day to bathe your mom??? I've never heard of such a thing. My husband got bathed only twice a week while he was under their care, and none during the worst of Covid.(my son and I had to do it )
Just a question, if you live so close to Mom, why can't you get her what she needs on lets say Saturday?
I hope you can find someone who can help you cover the time you need.
Did the nurse say where she would lodge the complaint? Maybe it would be of some help if you were able to find out, or ask someone (your mother’s doctor maybe?) if your plan was OK.