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My part time care recipient (I only go in the early mornings, go to work, come back for afternoons and later) is having accidents. She seems really uncomfortable and embarrassed by them. She will try to build up the courage to tell me after them, and I tell her it is ok. But sometimes, especially with poop accidents-which only happen about once a week-, she struggles to tell me. We are pretty close and I used to provide care for her husband before he passed. She has had tests to rule out UTIs and other medical problems. I can always tell if she is going to tell me, because of the embarrassment and humiliation in her voice. Her husband was incontinent, so she has an understanding of briefs and other products and I have seen sites and Google searches up for "How to talk about wetting/soiling with caregiver" etc. How can I best help her? Has anyone else ever struggled with this? Or is it just me?

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When the support plan requires me to check somebody's personal hygiene and/or continence pad but the care recipient requires me to mind my own dam' business, I cross my fingers behind my back and ask permission to check "skin integrity." If you make this part of the routine during every visit, she won't have to tell you and you'll bypass her embarrassment and humiliation at having to ask for help.

You've already succeeded in winning her trust and confidence, so perhaps she'll let you order some samples for her to try out.
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If not already wearing them she needs pull ups. My Mom had problems since her 30s and used pads. When she was in rehab they suggested she wear pull ups. She loved them.

Set up small trash can with a lid lining it with a plastic bag. Have her put the soiled pull ups in it and remove them when u come. Have wipes (I like Huggies) handy for a good cleaning. If she cannot care for herself in this way she needs more care. Either another aide or placing her.
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Firstly, you are fortunate she tells you at all.
Perhaps you could initiate the conversation routinely or just make a quick 'appraisal' of the situation and act independently of any request/notification.
Otherwise, factor it into your daily routine as a matter of course and see if it helps to coordinate without the embarrassment of becoming an 'issue'.
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