Should I continue to tell my Mom, who has Alzheimer's, that her husband has died?
My father died years ago. My mother was healthy at the time, therefore she planned the funeral and of course was there. Since his passing she has developed Alzheimer's. She does not recall his death. She frequently asks, " Where is dad?" I had been telling her that he died and she would break into tears, asking many questions about his death and wondering if we were going to have a funeral. She would be overcome with grief. I would distract her or she would cry herself to sleep. The next day we would repeat this process. I am her caretaker and seeing her grieve all over again day in and day out was just upsetting. I began to wonder if this was really necessary. One day she asked when dad would be back from his fishing trip. I took this opportunity to go with her reality and I told her in 3-4 days. This is the catcher, She remembers he is on a fishing trip. After about a month of this she became quite worried about him and said she thought something was wrong. She felt like we were hiding something from her. I went back to telling her that he had died. We are back grieving regularly. She does not remember his death and she spends hours crying and asking questions. What should I do? Her neurologist suggested that I go with her reality. No need for her to re-live the grieving. A friend thinks this is horrific and believes I should always tell her the truth and that one day she will remember. I do not know what to do. This is exhausting for me and I think horrific for her.
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Your friend means well but unless he/she has walked a mile in your shoes, you need not give the ideas any credit.