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He is convinced that they must be thrown away and nothing that I say makes a difference. Right now, I'm just going through the garbage every day to find his clothes. Any suggestions?
I think everyone is on the same page here. Use the trash bin as the laundry hamper. Let him think that he is discarding the clothes instead of trying to correct ha behavior. Place another trash can elsewhere for you to actually use for your garbage.
Welcome to the World of Dementia! You can screen. you can cry. You can scold. You can beg. You can ______ (fill in your word.) Whatever you do, it will NOT make any difference! Whatever you do DO NOT get angry because you will only hurt yourself. You need to wait this behavior out. Get used to it because more changes are coming. Later, a new undesirable behavior will replace it.
How about providing a special "trash can" for his wet clothes, you can tell him it's so the regular trash can doesn't overflow. (If you have an extra large bin inside you may need to replace it with a smaller kitchen sized one.)
WearyJean, Tomorrow, there may be something new in the way of behavior(s).
Your solution is great!
He may leave this behavior behind.
When he removes his clothes is the time to pre-empt this behavior by taking the clothes away. Even if you need to say: "Here, let me throw those away for you."
I guess that's better than what my mother was doing, trying to wash her Depends. She never did get it that they are disposable and should be thrown out. That phase passed afer a while. Try not to get upset over it. You just have to do what you are doing and try to find ways to manage it. You can't reason with or give instructions to someone with dementia. Their minds are in their own place.
You have such a great attitude to dementia caregiving! Just do what you have to do and manage your stress because you can’t reason with someone with dementia. Yes, their minds are in their own place. I have to adjust my thinking to deal with their thinking!
This makes me chuckle as my Mum on the other hand just doesn’t want to have her clothes washed! There was no convincing her that they needed washing so I just learnt to do it as she was asleep or distracted with something. I’d somehow maneuver her clothes out of her room bit by bit. Anyhow she caught on to the fact that her clothes were hanging on the line or drying rack and said “I KNEW IT, you are constantly throwing my clothes in the wash, stop it! You are ruining my clothes! So,.. fast forward,... I now have a clothes dryer and voila, her washing completes and magically appears back in her room in 2.5 hours 😂
I wouldn’t try fight against it,... just replace them back/find a trick.
It will be hard to stop his habit. Leave garbage bins in the house only for his clothes. Throw "real garbage" in a bag and into the trash outside. You can always divert the "thrown out clothes" to the laundry when he is asleep of focusing on something else in another room. Might also want to talk to his doctor about this obsessive habit since it might be driven by anxiety.
I also would provide a "special garbage" container for his wet clothes. Make it a different color than other containers so he can easily pick the one for soiled clothes. You may still have to go through trash. I have to ask ...does he have a lot of wet clothes? Is he wearing an incontinence brief? Either Pull up type or tab brief? Or is it a pad that is inserted in his regular underwear? I would encourage going to the bathroom every hour or two. If he drinks a lot or urinates a lot then 1 time an hour might prevent some of the wet clothes. But.. As you say dementia provides something new everyday. If this is the only major "thing" at this point I would not stress a lot about it as it should be easy to catch most of the items that end up where they don't belong.
He's wearing pullup Depends. It's usually only overnight that they get super wet and his clothes absorb the excess. Good idea about the extra garbage can - I'll try it.
Just designate that particular trash can DH is using for his wet clothes as his 'laundry hamper' b/c you won't be able to change what he's doing anyway. If you can, have a couple of different garbage cans around so there isn't only one in use for ALL 'trash' items. I have a trash can in almost every room in my house, so the smelly kitchen trash doesn't mix in with the paper items in the den. If you can do something similar, you having to pick his clothing out of the trash won't be such a big deal.
Dementia is terrible, I know. I hope you can manage a workable solution to this issue! Good luck!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Tomorrow, there may be something new in the way of behavior(s).
Your solution is great!
He may leave this behavior behind.
When he removes his clothes is the time to pre-empt this behavior by taking the clothes away. Even if you need to say: "Here, let me throw those away for you."
I wouldn’t try fight against it,... just replace them back/find a trick.
Make it a different color than other containers so he can easily pick the one for soiled clothes. You may still have to go through trash.
I have to ask ...does he have a lot of wet clothes? Is he wearing an incontinence brief? Either Pull up type or tab brief? Or is it a pad that is inserted in his regular underwear?
I would encourage going to the bathroom every hour or two. If he drinks a lot or urinates a lot then 1 time an hour might prevent some of the wet clothes.
But..
As you say dementia provides something new everyday. If this is the only major "thing" at this point I would not stress a lot about it as it should be easy to catch most of the items that end up where they don't belong.
I know that you are doing your best, and that it is frustrating.
Dementia is terrible, I know. I hope you can manage a workable solution to this issue! Good luck!
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