Although I have thought about a future after my parents have passed away, it has been a daily thing over the last eighteen months. With my mother's decline into the sad hell of dementia and move to a nursing home I can feel that future hanging over my head. When that future arrives I have two siblings (out of four) that will find themselves in a very lonely world. A world where nobody is putting them before their own interest as my parents have done all their lives. My brother has left several times but has always returned to his safe harbor. My sister has destroyed the house (hoarder in training) that my parents allow her to live in. The rent they charge her doesn't even cover her bills.
If our parents pass within a year of each other my siblings will look to me and all they will see is the cloud of dust as I roadrunner my way out of here.
She was not having it and moved across the world in her late 20's.
The next sister Mildred was left to raise her siblings, look after Mum and Dad. The deal was that Mildred would get the family home after her parents were dead and her brother's married. The parents died, but the brothers did not get married until they were in their 40's. The last brother left the nest at age 45. But then he decided he needed the house for his growing family and threw Mildred out of the house that was to be hers.
She was homeless, never had a job outside the home at 50+. A wonderful family hired her to look after their new born adopted twins, then 8 months later the mother gave birth to another set of twins. That wonderful family treated Mildred with the love and care that her family never gave her. In every aspect they were her family. I was lucky to travel back 1/2 way across the world and met Mildred and her chosen family 2 years before she passed.
My brother was homeless too. No one in the family could take in a heroin addict. Haha, one brother is a cop! (Retired captain). He certainly couldn’t take him him.
An old army veteran allowed him to move into an abandoned trailer on his property. He stayed there until end of life hospice. Good thing, he owed the drug dealer so much money in another section of town that had they found him they would have killed him. He died from HepC but he was threatened to be murdered had he not escaped. Dealing drugs isn’t a charity. It’s business. They expect to be paid. They can’t take someone to court to pay a bill. They settle the score with death. Ugly world of drugs and addiction.
You have then given it to them straight. So when they come begging, just smile. 😁 Really, I don't think you'd allow them to starve. You can just point them in the right directions. Here's the Food Closets in town. Here is Social Service.
Executor, is assigned in the Will
If no Executor assigned or no will a family Member or a lawyer can be assigned by Probate to become am Administrator. Who I think has the same responsibilities as an Executor.
Affidavit, is if estate is under 20k (in NJ), no probate involved.
I worry about where she'll be when her folks pass ... the one we share is in their 80s and I'm not sure about the other one -- in SNF after a severe bout of alcohol poisoning and has had medical problems that put them in the ER. I have a husband with chronic medical problems and a mother in law who is in AL at the age of 91. I don't have a lot of mental or physical resources (never mind the financial ones) to take on another set of problems. I guess that sounds selfish. I'm sorry.
Now that I think about it, I sure hope my mom doesn’t expect me to take care of my brother! I know my dad doesn’t. If it was up to him, my brother would have been cut off a long time ago! Don’t care what anyone says, I am under no obligation to take over the role of enabler and take care of my brother. Family or not, I owe him nothing. I’ll help him get a job and encourage him to get his GED and help pay for schooling if he is serious about it but other than that, he will be on his own and out of our parents house when the time comes. And honestly with our parents health issues, it really does blow my mind that he is content living under their roof without a dime to his name. With no plan for the future. Maybe he thinks he is going to inherit a fortune when they die? Our parents aren’t rich, there are no cash assets, just their house that I have to sell per the family trust agreement and we’ll split the money 50/50. He will blow through the money so fast! I just don’t understand why he’s not planning for the future. He knows mom and dad won’t live forever! If he thinks he/we will get our parents monthly income which is around $7k a month.....he is in for a big surprise!
I’m with you. When mom & dad are gone, i’ll be a roadrunner in a cloud of dust too!!!
I understand. My brother is dead due to his lifestyle. Very hard to think about. Loved him as a brother, hated the addict.
I know my dad would have handled things differently and he got caught between a rock and a hard place (mom and brother). Mom made excuses for him but deep down knew. I think it’s easy for parents to deny if it’s painful to accept the truth.
I cared for my brother but had to cut him off. Did make peace with him before dying. Did forgive him. I wouldn’t allow him to move into my home as he wished to. Can you imagine the nightmare that would have been? Geeeez, I would be in a mental institution if I had done that!
Make people responsible for themselves and some will rise to the occasion.
In some cases I’ve seen that when the enabler passes, the sibling grew up.
DH younger sister and her three children were shameless. The two grown granddaughters would show up with hands out when MIL SS check arrived. It was a tough transition for them but they are still kicking and employed.
Oh yeah, funny how they can always remember when that check arrives!