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There is a reason people are asking if you really want to do this. Hundreds of people on this board thought they could do home care too, and now they are exhausted, broken mentally (and physically) and wish someone had warned them. Your replies of "that's not what I asked" means people are saying something you don't want to hear. Consider why.

The fact that you're hoping you can skip the night diapers is but one indication that you don't see what is coming. She was placed in NH for a reason, and one of them was overnight care.

You will not be able to work from home AND take care of Mom at the same time. Your work or your mom will suffer. Again, multiple people on here thought they could do that too. Most have to handle several work interruptions daily to tend to their elder. Any sort of schedule you have now will be out the window.

Can you lift her every day?

You will need an aide, if not for this reason then another. Are you okay with workers (strangers) in your house overnight?

Can you handle multiple toilet visits, butt wiping, diarrhea, bed urine, and getting her undressed/dressed? Multiple times a day, and night too?

Are your toilets, bathtubs, etc handicap-ready? Will her bed have safety rails? Are meds stored safely?

There will be no more dinners out, no vacations. Friends and family will say to call if you need anything, but you'll find almost none will volunteer to stay with her if you want or need time out.

When do you plan to get things like errands and grocery shopping done?

If she worsens, how will you handle the medical needs? If she keeps you up at night, how do you plan to handle work the next day?

If you get sick, injured, or compromised, what plan do you have for her care?

Finally, consider she is set in a routine at NH. Taking her out of that and into a whole new one is a rough transition on an elder. If you end up having to place her again, that's another round of transition and newness she'll have to adjust to.

I've said before that people think they can "love their way" through caregiving. That love will be enough to sustain their energy and will. It isn't. Most on here loved their elder dearly and wanted to care for them. They had to place their elder to save both of their lives.

If you're bound and determined to move her to your house, certainly no one can stop you. Just go into this with open eyes and KNOW what you are taking on.
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BlueMoon22 Oct 2020
I don't need to read anymore answers, but I will, to know that this is the best answer I'll come across. I'm taking care of my wife at home, along with my wife's daughter and her 25 year old son's help. And it's everything you have mentioned LoopyLoo. It's a good thing I'm retired because my hours are all over the place. Those hours are as such because we also have a dog, Brie, who we dearly love. Brie had a disc in her back that ruptured into her spine and even after getting her into surgery within a couple of hours, she never regained the use of her hind quarters. So she has to be expressed at least 2 to 3 to 4 times a day and into the night. That means I have to manually help her relieve herself, aka #1 and #2 and give her her medicines for UTI's and dog stuff. There isn't a whole lot of time for much of anything for yourself. I used to really enjoy GOLF. I'm writing this because it's 4:30, oops almost forgot, am. Sometimes I get a moment to myself where I can go on this site for some idea's to help me along. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Sometimes I just sit back and think, what did I do in my lifetime to deserve this. It's hard. But then I come to my senses and think, nothing is wrong with me. Why did this happen to my wife? And I start thinking about what she's going through, oh yeah, did I mention I just took her to her first Chemo Treatment. So this is all going through my mind and then I hear my wife getting up and a new day is upon us and It's going to be exactly, just exactly, like yesterday. Oop's, I have to go change some diapers.
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I did the same as you, kept mom at home, with just one shift of aid.  I put barrier crème on her and rotated her any time she woke up.  BTW, I REALLY doubt the NHs check anyone every 2 hours
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lealonnie1 Oct 2020
My mother is woken up at 3-4 am religiously every night at her Memory Care for a Depends change/trip to the toilet. It's not necessary to wake them up every 2 hours, but at least once during the night is a must.
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I suspect that the NH is trying to discourage you from bringing her home. A good barrier cream might work, but I dont have any experience with this.

Have you asked for an independent evaluation of what her care needs are?
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jmorse12188 Oct 2020
I'll ask about the barrier cream thanks. The NH doctor is doing an eval this week and then insurance is as well the day she comes home.
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Hi jmorse. I use skin barrier ointments to protect skin and pads inside depends overnight. I am not changing Mom during the night. No skin issues but she is not bedridden. Not sure if your Mom is or not. Good luck!
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My question is why are you taking her out of the NH? By the time people get to a NH home its because they need 24/7 care. Are you ready to give up your life. Hiring someone will be expensive. Was Mom private pay or Medicaid. If Medicaid, she might qualify for some in home care.
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jmorse12188 Oct 2020
I've recently learned that I'm going to be able to work from home full time so I'm bringing mom home. Mom has Medicaid and Medicare, she qualifies for 7 hours of care a day. Do you have a recommendation to the question I asked though?
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The problem is that you can not leave a soaked incontinence brief on without skin breaking down.

So, if she wets half hour after falling asleep then you have a good chance of skin problems.

You can check for the 1st week and see if 1 time a night would be sufficient and about what time it is needed. If she is completely bedridden she needs to have her position shifted every two hours as well.

I would not let the nursing home dictate what you need to do but, I would listen to their advice on how to keep her skin as healthy as possible. Once sores develop they are challenging to heal and can cause other issues.

Good luck with having her home.
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I'm not a professional, but, if they say she needs to be turned on a regular basis, I'd think that is required. I'd discuss it with her doctor or hospice team, if she's on hospice.
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KaleyBug Oct 2020
The nursing homes have to say these things to protect themselves. Every time my mom had inpatient rehab after hospital stays or I declined inpatient rehab, they tried to talk me out of taking mom home and shook there heads at me. Told me my mom could not do this or that etc. I knew better because I was her care taker even when I worked. I had a great young lady that helped when I worked. We worked with my mom the exact same way. We listened and learned from home PT. We could get my mom to stand and walk because we did things a like. The hospital and rehab PT’s struggled because they did not have the patience/time to let mom do her standing and walking at her pace. When we left the Hospital two days before Christmas 2019. I was told my by the head of PT my mom could not stand. When it was time to go home I had my husband drop off off my moms transport chair. At discharge I asked the nurse to assist me getting mom in the chair. She said let me get help, I said no please just follow my instructions so you can see I made the right decision and that my mom can do this transfer with minimal assistance and guidance. The nurse was amazed. My mom stood, turned her feet and sat in the wheel chair with minimal support. I said the problem is. The hospital PT start grabbing her and try to lift her. She has dementia and does not understand what they want when they grab and just say stand and step. Mom needed specific terms. Ok mom put your hands beside you on the bed, get your feet back under you. Lean forward and push up and put your hands on the walker. Now mom move this leg (light tap on leg) and turn to sit on the chair. She would turn and reach back to sit. It the cushion on beds are soft she would stand by placing her hands on the walker and I would stabilize the walker. I always used a gait belt incase it was needed.
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Is there a reason that you are taking her out of a professional care setting?

Are you intending to try to care for a bedridden person with dementia on your own?
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jmorse12188 Oct 2020
I had another person ask the same and I posted an answer. Your question doesn't answer what I asked.
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