I receive frequent emails from relatives about in-laws’ health decline. Lately one has been diagnosed with dementia and another is clearly on the way to that diagnosis. Last year someone had a kidney hospitalization about which everyone was informed, complete with info about lab reports. With these folks, almost every doctor visit produces an update for family and friends and requests for prayer. Sometimes it's downright depressing. My husband and I prefer to keep our medical issues private, but what do you do? Do you feel the need to inform family of every little thing? Just curious about how others handle it.
For regular check up/non urgent doctor visits, don't go into detail with folks that they have an appt. Have you thought about asking one or more of them to assist with dr appt travels? If anyone agrees, tell them on the way home -- would you cc everyone on our mail chain and give an update about today's appt.
You and hubby like medical issues to be private and that's your choice. Your in-laws, evidently, have other family outside your husband. Those relatives should be aware of decline, illness, etc....as courtesy and with kindness.
I find that when I write down something, I am likely to re-review what was done and possibly get a "fresh" look at the situation. There has been more than one occasion that while writing out the details to someone, I noticed a pattern or a reminder which then caused me to take additional action.
However, I don't have anyone who is interested, so my writing is stored on my computer. My daughter told me that I needed to keep track of it all out because at some time in the future, she might be needing it for me.
As others have pointed out, not having these updates can sometimes invite others to do the coulda/shoulda/woulda ... otherwise known as giving unwanted advice and criticisms.
I personally have no issue with getting too many emails. I can easily file and scroll past. I'd much rather let them write to their hearts content, rather than unload on me face-to-face at a family gathering. On top of that, maybe there is something in there that might be of use at a later time.
File (or trash) and scroll....
Not too long ago, she was upset at me because I don't encourage her all that much or praise her for the very minor things she can do and no one reaches out to see how she's doing. If she stopped telling people she was getting better and stronger and told them how things really are, she'd have more people reaching out.
When you tell people everything's fine, don't be surprised when they assume you're better and back to normal and aren't checking in on you often.
I personally don't do a mass notification about mom. I did not tell her brothers that we had moved her to a new memory care facility. I had my hands full with the move and still working full time. I knew they didn't call her or visit her because if they had tried, they would know she is no longer there. If she were to have a stroke or fall and break a leg, I would let them know. Other than that...
people are different.
I find that no one cares about what I would share so I stopped. And my family doesn’t share anything when someone is ill.
it is nice to send a card when possible if you hear about it
If you say anything you run the risk of offending them and being cut off if there is an important development.