Follow
Share

She is in a care home, refusing to use machine, her daughters are insisting on it, I disagree.

It sounds on the little you have provided here, that the daughters are in a good bit of denial, and believe that their mother might go on forever, or that anything they might do or fail to do now would make a difference?
Let us say she had the daughter/s at about age 40, then they are none too young themselves, are they? And may not be great at these decisions.

I am uncertain what "machine" you speak of, so I wish you'd tell us more about it. Is this a simple lift device such as a Hoyer?
Is this 100 year old lady still continent (Guinness world record book then, for a woman who gave birth still having bladder stength/control at 100 that's good enough to await caregivers and their "machine").

You say that the daughters insist and that YOU don't agree.
The point here, then, is-------WHO IS "the decider" or the person in charge.
Daughter? Then they decide. You? Then you decide.

To be honest, it doesn't much matter WHAT choice is made at 100. Yes, the movement is good for us all. Prevents sores, helps circulation, gets lungs expanding, keeps our muscles and tendons from severely contracturing.
But if mama is distressed, hurt, angry or difficult about this, then it seems to make little sense to distress her.
If you are in a position to make this decision, then do it your way. If the daughters are, then bow out; it's their busines.
I do wish all the best.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report
Catgir Nov 25, 2024
Yes I feel they are in denial. It is a sit to stand machine. I think mom should be the decider.
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
It sounds to me like the daughters don't want to let mom go. I don't suspect they are very young either.

From little that you said, it sounds like it's time to just let mom be , rest and giving peace to not have to get up for the bathroom. Maybe it's time for hospice.

I'm not sure if there is anything you can do here, other than encourage the daughters to accept that mom will not always be here.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Anxietynacy
Report
Catgir Nov 25, 2024
I agree, they should let mom be & accept her decision
(0)
Report
What relationship do you have to this 100 yr old woman?
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to lealonnie1
Report
Catgir Nov 25, 2024
My mother in law
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
It doesn't matter how old we get, it is so very important to keep as mobile as possible, so we don't lose what little mobility we may have.
I have been visiting a 101 year old woman who up until a month ago was living on her own in her own house and was getting around her house using her walker and got around fine, even though slower than perhaps you or I would be.
However she ended up in the hospital and her niece decided it best that she now move into an assisted living facility which she is slowly adjusting to.
But her facility is now wanting to keep her in a wheelchair and not let her use her walker to even just get around in her room. And she is mad as hell about that, as she wants to try and stay as active as she possible can. And since I am just a "friend" I have absolutely no say in the situation.
I can only imagine that one or both of this woman's daughters are her POA so ultimately they may have the final say.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to funkygrandma59
Report
cwillie Nov 25, 2024
when the woman herself is against it she should have her autonomy respected
(9)
Report
See 4 more replies
Are you talking about a sit-to-stand machine or a total lift? A sit-to-stand is obviously inappropriate for anyone who can not reliably stand and bear weight, it's up to the DON to veto this because of liability to both the facility and the staff.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to cwillie
Report

There are other pieces of equipment that would not require her to stand.
When my Husband could no longer support his weight standing I was told by Hospice that I had to begin using a Hoyer Lift.. (Big deal for me as that marked another big decline)
If they do not have a Hoyer Lift then they will have to discontinue getting her on the toilet and she will have to resort to using absorbent underwear, under pads and to be changed in bed.
If she can not safely stand it is not safe to continue to use the Sit to Stand they are using. (I am assuming it is a Sit to Stand)
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Grandma1954
Report

A sit to stand or Hoyer is the safest and best way to help lift someone who is immobile. It was recommended at my mom's personal care facility through my mom and her Hospice Care. You don't want someone to be dropped buy a nurse or aide. Trust their decision.
Also, unless their mom is diagnosed with something chronic, she cannot be put into Hospice Care.
My mom has a severe Cardiovascular disease that is affecting her legs. She cannot stand up without assistance.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Onlychild2024
Report
TouchMatters Dec 8, 2024
Yes, a Hoyer may be needed / appropriate.
My friend-companion in a nursing home used one of these to get in a wheel chair - to then be transported to the community room or go anywhere outside of his room. He might have initially used it for eliminating on / in a portable toilet, I don't recall.

However - mentioning a HOYER is an excellent suggestion / thought -
Thank you.
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
Ask to speak to a doctor
o. The one hand do t use it lose it
on the other - can she
maybe she can’t cope with that presently
doesn’t to a doctor and express your concerns
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Jenny10
Report

The legs are the first to go and she is 100. All PT could do is keep her muscles from atrofying.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

I had a home rehab person tell me that when I used my walker I was assuring myself a safe walk! He said the alternative to using one is never possibly walking again! My doctor does not like it but she is young and has no idea what the fear of falling is like! I also noticed that in doctor's offices they do not offer to help you get up! They say take your time and leave the room! You are on your own use all of the aids bathing, getting up or sitting down you can buy! Believe me they are always used! Read this to her! I wish her good health and please use every aid you can to remain safe!
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Ihave4dogs
Report
Annanell Dec 8, 2024
Yes. I was surprised when the doctor did not offer me help with my husband getting off and on the examining table. I am 81 and he is partially paralyzed. I only needed him to be there in case I needed help but he left the room.
(0)
Report
Ps. I don’t think anyone should be forced btw. Encouraged sternly and with compassion
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Jenny10
Report
TouchMatters Dec 8, 2024
It depends on abilities and limitations.
No one 100 years old should be spoken to 'sternly.'
Please ... if we don't get compassion at 100, when will we?

If is the most important quality we can develop for an/other - compassion.
(1)
Report
No.

Although ... it really depends on the person.
My client who was 104 was able to go to the bathroom when 100-102.
Only at 103-104 did she start to use a portable toilet at her bedside, which meant she could get up / out of bed to sit on the toilet right next to her.

The key word(s) you use here is 'FORCE'.
We need more information -
- Who is forcing
- Is this a nursing home situation?
- Family member

If at a facility, talk to the administrator and medical provider (MD).
If it were me, I would ask why are they 'forcing' and what exactly does it mean when they 'force' this 100 year old to get out of bed. You are using the word FORCE - does the facility believe this is what they are doing ... or are they 'asking' the resident 'if' they want to get up and sit on a portable toilet ... or walk to the bathroom. These words make all the difference - and we do not know exactly what you mean.

It seems like the question is / could be:

1. Supporting a person to maintain / remain as independent as they can.

OR

2. "Pushing" beyond physical abilities / limitations (a serious matter for a facility)

3. Facility not wanting to change someone eliminating in bed (wearing proper disposal underwear).

As 100 years old, I personally wouldn't be concerned with independence. The issue is one of ability / limitation based on physical and mental abilities.

If you feel the facility is 'forcing,' talk to:
1. Ombudsman
2. Contact the facility's licensing board.
3. Call Adult Protective Services.
* First, I would encourage you to speak to the facility administrator.

And, I don't know where this 100 year old person is - they could be at home and you could be a caregiver (or a family member - at odds with an/other family member).

We do not have all the information to make an informed statement.

Gena / Touch Matters
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to TouchMatters
Report
JanPeck123 Dec 8, 2024
The OP said the daughters are the ones insisting. So I think the facility is probably okay with having this wonderful 100 year old woman be as comfortable as she'd like in whatever position she wants.
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
My situation is not like yours, but I can ask you how many times you or your MIL's daughters want to take her to the hospital after a fall or have an ambulance take her to the hospital and you meet her there, and the hours you will be staying trying to determine again how much the fall has injured your MIL. My mom, who is 95 in an AL, has fallen many times this year (all unwitnessed) and has broken a wrist, a toe, two fingers, injured her elbow, broken two hips, etc., all because she refuses stand-by assistance during the nighttime bathroom trips. Now we know that Mom is going to fall, no matter how much we all try to prevent it, but to have part of the reason of the falls and injuries due to pride, stubbornness, or the inability to accept one's limitations is hard for loved ones to take and causes stress for everyone. At 75, I know that these hospital emergencies take a toll on all of us, and my mother has a terrible time emotionally and mentally in hospitals and then the subsequent rehab stays. The saying "Pride goeth before a fall" has never been truer in my mother's case.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to asfastas1can
Report

Catgir: Although it's important that her muscles not atrophy, your MIL is a centenarian. She has certain rights at this age. She shouldn't be "forced" to do anything. Bless her.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Llamalover47
Report

Although her daughters may feel they are allowing their mother to "give up" on her mobility if they don't insist on her standing by using an assisting device, they are really putting undue pressure on her. Whether 100 years old or 90 years old, she knows how her body feels and what it can and can no longer accomplish. The daughters just need to embrace their Mom as she is while she is still alive.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to JanPeck123
Report

So who are you? I would say it is up to the care home as to what procedures they require. End of discussion!
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to RetiredBrain
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter