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It sounds on the little you have provided here, that the daughters are in a good bit of denial, and believe that their mother might go on forever, or that anything they might do or fail to do now would make a difference? Let us say she had the daughter/s at about age 40, then they are none too young themselves, are they? And may not be great at these decisions.
I am uncertain what "machine" you speak of, so I wish you'd tell us more about it. Is this a simple lift device such as a Hoyer? Is this 100 year old lady still continent (Guinness world record book then, for a woman who gave birth still having bladder stength/control at 100 that's good enough to await caregivers and their "machine").
You say that the daughters insist and that YOU don't agree. The point here, then, is-------WHO IS "the decider" or the person in charge. Daughter? Then they decide. You? Then you decide.
To be honest, it doesn't much matter WHAT choice is made at 100. Yes, the movement is good for us all. Prevents sores, helps circulation, gets lungs expanding, keeps our muscles and tendons from severely contracturing. But if mama is distressed, hurt, angry or difficult about this, then it seems to make little sense to distress her. If you are in a position to make this decision, then do it your way. If the daughters are, then bow out; it's their busines. I do wish all the best.
It sounds to me like the daughters don't want to let mom go. I don't suspect they are very young either.
From little that you said, it sounds like it's time to just let mom be , rest and giving peace to not have to get up for the bathroom. Maybe it's time for hospice.
I'm not sure if there is anything you can do here, other than encourage the daughters to accept that mom will not always be here.
It doesn't matter how old we get, it is so very important to keep as mobile as possible, so we don't lose what little mobility we may have. I have been visiting a 101 year old woman who up until a month ago was living on her own in her own house and was getting around her house using her walker and got around fine, even though slower than perhaps you or I would be. However she ended up in the hospital and her niece decided it best that she now move into an assisted living facility which she is slowly adjusting to. But her facility is now wanting to keep her in a wheelchair and not let her use her walker to even just get around in her room. And she is mad as hell about that, as she wants to try and stay as active as she possible can. And since I am just a "friend" I have absolutely no say in the situation. I can only imagine that one or both of this woman's daughters are her POA so ultimately they may have the final say.
Are you talking about a sit-to-stand machine or a total lift? A sit-to-stand is obviously inappropriate for anyone who can not reliably stand and bear weight, it's up to the DON to veto this because of liability to both the facility and the staff.
There are other pieces of equipment that would not require her to stand. When my Husband could no longer support his weight standing I was told by Hospice that I had to begin using a Hoyer Lift.. (Big deal for me as that marked another big decline) If they do not have a Hoyer Lift then they will have to discontinue getting her on the toilet and she will have to resort to using absorbent underwear, under pads and to be changed in bed. If she can not safely stand it is not safe to continue to use the Sit to Stand they are using. (I am assuming it is a Sit to Stand)
A sit to stand or Hoyer is the safest and best way to help lift someone who is immobile. It was recommended at my mom's personal care facility through my mom and her Hospice Care. You don't want someone to be dropped buy a nurse or aide. Trust their decision. Also, unless their mom is diagnosed with something chronic, she cannot be put into Hospice Care. My mom has a severe Cardiovascular disease that is affecting her legs. She cannot stand up without assistance.
Yes, a Hoyer may be needed / appropriate. My friend-companion in a nursing home used one of these to get in a wheel chair - to then be transported to the community room or go anywhere outside of his room. He might have initially used it for eliminating on / in a portable toilet, I don't recall.
However - mentioning a HOYER is an excellent suggestion / thought - Thank you.
Ask to speak to a doctor o. The one hand do t use it lose it on the other - can she maybe she can’t cope with that presently doesn’t to a doctor and express your concerns
I had a home rehab person tell me that when I used my walker I was assuring myself a safe walk! He said the alternative to using one is never possibly walking again! My doctor does not like it but she is young and has no idea what the fear of falling is like! I also noticed that in doctor's offices they do not offer to help you get up! They say take your time and leave the room! You are on your own use all of the aids bathing, getting up or sitting down you can buy! Believe me they are always used! Read this to her! I wish her good health and please use every aid you can to remain safe!
Yes. I was surprised when the doctor did not offer me help with my husband getting off and on the examining table. I am 81 and he is partially paralyzed. I only needed him to be there in case I needed help but he left the room.
It depends on abilities and limitations. No one 100 years old should be spoken to 'sternly.' Please ... if we don't get compassion at 100, when will we?
If is the most important quality we can develop for an/other - compassion.
Although ... it really depends on the person. My client who was 104 was able to go to the bathroom when 100-102. Only at 103-104 did she start to use a portable toilet at her bedside, which meant she could get up / out of bed to sit on the toilet right next to her.
The key word(s) you use here is 'FORCE'. We need more information - - Who is forcing - Is this a nursing home situation? - Family member
If at a facility, talk to the administrator and medical provider (MD). If it were me, I would ask why are they 'forcing' and what exactly does it mean when they 'force' this 100 year old to get out of bed. You are using the word FORCE - does the facility believe this is what they are doing ... or are they 'asking' the resident 'if' they want to get up and sit on a portable toilet ... or walk to the bathroom. These words make all the difference - and we do not know exactly what you mean.
It seems like the question is / could be:
1. Supporting a person to maintain / remain as independent as they can.
OR
2. "Pushing" beyond physical abilities / limitations (a serious matter for a facility)
3. Facility not wanting to change someone eliminating in bed (wearing proper disposal underwear).
As 100 years old, I personally wouldn't be concerned with independence. The issue is one of ability / limitation based on physical and mental abilities.
If you feel the facility is 'forcing,' talk to: 1. Ombudsman 2. Contact the facility's licensing board. 3. Call Adult Protective Services. * First, I would encourage you to speak to the facility administrator.
And, I don't know where this 100 year old person is - they could be at home and you could be a caregiver (or a family member - at odds with an/other family member).
We do not have all the information to make an informed statement.
The OP said the daughters are the ones insisting. So I think the facility is probably okay with having this wonderful 100 year old woman be as comfortable as she'd like in whatever position she wants.
My situation is not like yours, but I can ask you how many times you or your MIL's daughters want to take her to the hospital after a fall or have an ambulance take her to the hospital and you meet her there, and the hours you will be staying trying to determine again how much the fall has injured your MIL. My mom, who is 95 in an AL, has fallen many times this year (all unwitnessed) and has broken a wrist, a toe, two fingers, injured her elbow, broken two hips, etc., all because she refuses stand-by assistance during the nighttime bathroom trips. Now we know that Mom is going to fall, no matter how much we all try to prevent it, but to have part of the reason of the falls and injuries due to pride, stubbornness, or the inability to accept one's limitations is hard for loved ones to take and causes stress for everyone. At 75, I know that these hospital emergencies take a toll on all of us, and my mother has a terrible time emotionally and mentally in hospitals and then the subsequent rehab stays. The saying "Pride goeth before a fall" has never been truer in my mother's case.
Catgir: Although it's important that her muscles not atrophy, your MIL is a centenarian. She has certain rights at this age. She shouldn't be "forced" to do anything. Bless her.
Although her daughters may feel they are allowing their mother to "give up" on her mobility if they don't insist on her standing by using an assisting device, they are really putting undue pressure on her. Whether 100 years old or 90 years old, she knows how her body feels and what it can and can no longer accomplish. The daughters just need to embrace their Mom as she is while she is still alive.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Let us say she had the daughter/s at about age 40, then they are none too young themselves, are they? And may not be great at these decisions.
I am uncertain what "machine" you speak of, so I wish you'd tell us more about it. Is this a simple lift device such as a Hoyer?
Is this 100 year old lady still continent (Guinness world record book then, for a woman who gave birth still having bladder stength/control at 100 that's good enough to await caregivers and their "machine").
You say that the daughters insist and that YOU don't agree.
The point here, then, is-------WHO IS "the decider" or the person in charge.
Daughter? Then they decide. You? Then you decide.
To be honest, it doesn't much matter WHAT choice is made at 100. Yes, the movement is good for us all. Prevents sores, helps circulation, gets lungs expanding, keeps our muscles and tendons from severely contracturing.
But if mama is distressed, hurt, angry or difficult about this, then it seems to make little sense to distress her.
If you are in a position to make this decision, then do it your way. If the daughters are, then bow out; it's their busines.
I do wish all the best.
From little that you said, it sounds like it's time to just let mom be , rest and giving peace to not have to get up for the bathroom. Maybe it's time for hospice.
I'm not sure if there is anything you can do here, other than encourage the daughters to accept that mom will not always be here.
I have been visiting a 101 year old woman who up until a month ago was living on her own in her own house and was getting around her house using her walker and got around fine, even though slower than perhaps you or I would be.
However she ended up in the hospital and her niece decided it best that she now move into an assisted living facility which she is slowly adjusting to.
But her facility is now wanting to keep her in a wheelchair and not let her use her walker to even just get around in her room. And she is mad as hell about that, as she wants to try and stay as active as she possible can. And since I am just a "friend" I have absolutely no say in the situation.
I can only imagine that one or both of this woman's daughters are her POA so ultimately they may have the final say.
When my Husband could no longer support his weight standing I was told by Hospice that I had to begin using a Hoyer Lift.. (Big deal for me as that marked another big decline)
If they do not have a Hoyer Lift then they will have to discontinue getting her on the toilet and she will have to resort to using absorbent underwear, under pads and to be changed in bed.
If she can not safely stand it is not safe to continue to use the Sit to Stand they are using. (I am assuming it is a Sit to Stand)
Also, unless their mom is diagnosed with something chronic, she cannot be put into Hospice Care.
My mom has a severe Cardiovascular disease that is affecting her legs. She cannot stand up without assistance.
My friend-companion in a nursing home used one of these to get in a wheel chair - to then be transported to the community room or go anywhere outside of his room. He might have initially used it for eliminating on / in a portable toilet, I don't recall.
However - mentioning a HOYER is an excellent suggestion / thought -
Thank you.
o. The one hand do t use it lose it
on the other - can she
maybe she can’t cope with that presently
doesn’t to a doctor and express your concerns
No one 100 years old should be spoken to 'sternly.'
Please ... if we don't get compassion at 100, when will we?
If is the most important quality we can develop for an/other - compassion.
Although ... it really depends on the person.
My client who was 104 was able to go to the bathroom when 100-102.
Only at 103-104 did she start to use a portable toilet at her bedside, which meant she could get up / out of bed to sit on the toilet right next to her.
The key word(s) you use here is 'FORCE'.
We need more information -
- Who is forcing
- Is this a nursing home situation?
- Family member
If at a facility, talk to the administrator and medical provider (MD).
If it were me, I would ask why are they 'forcing' and what exactly does it mean when they 'force' this 100 year old to get out of bed. You are using the word FORCE - does the facility believe this is what they are doing ... or are they 'asking' the resident 'if' they want to get up and sit on a portable toilet ... or walk to the bathroom. These words make all the difference - and we do not know exactly what you mean.
It seems like the question is / could be:
1. Supporting a person to maintain / remain as independent as they can.
OR
2. "Pushing" beyond physical abilities / limitations (a serious matter for a facility)
3. Facility not wanting to change someone eliminating in bed (wearing proper disposal underwear).
As 100 years old, I personally wouldn't be concerned with independence. The issue is one of ability / limitation based on physical and mental abilities.
If you feel the facility is 'forcing,' talk to:
1. Ombudsman
2. Contact the facility's licensing board.
3. Call Adult Protective Services.
* First, I would encourage you to speak to the facility administrator.
And, I don't know where this 100 year old person is - they could be at home and you could be a caregiver (or a family member - at odds with an/other family member).
We do not have all the information to make an informed statement.
Gena / Touch Matters