I have been taking care of my mother solo for more than five years now. I live with her in her home and have to do everything for her as she is no longer capable of caring for herself. She, however, can use the toilet alone and without help but everything else is left up to me. I wait on her all day long up until her bed time and then she stays up much later than I do, so I am forced to lie in my bed, eyes wide open waiting for her to call me to help her to bed. I am exhausted and extremely depressed. I would like to work part-time but she has made me feel guilty about leaving her for any length of time. I can not hire caregivers as her income is small and wouldn't cover what a caregiver would charge by the hour. Sometimes, I just get up before dawn and take a ride in my car to buy a cup of coffee and pray that I won't go insane. I have no social life, and no one to vent to when I really need to talk. I am thankful for this site as the stories I read here have given me hope to keep going for another day. I am a Christian and it is all I can do some days to just pray as I go about my chores taking care of her. My son lives here as well and has a 2 year old daughter who spends more than half of the time living in my mother's home with us. My son is a good father and helps around the house as much as he is able but complains if he has to wait on my mother. In addition to taking care of mom, I also help out with the baby. I feel like I am burning the candle at both ends. My brother and his wife will not accept any responsibility in helping me nor do I have any resources in the community to rely on. I am so very depressed even though I take pills for depression and an anti-anxiety pill. I wish I knew what to do. At times I feel like life is not worth living as each day is the same waiting on my mother and being made to feel guilty that I am not doing enough to help her. Thank you for letting me vent.
I know what you mean about your coffee in the morning i too have to wait up with droopy eyes until shes safe in bed at night. She goes to bed at 1am then I try and switch off and watch TV usually CSI? I go to bed at 2am and try and sleep am taking stilnoct to sleep which is fine as long as she dosnt get up at night to go down stairs and make tea and wake me up. Then just like you i get up early just to have time to myself? lucky so far she dosnt get up until 12pm i have started to get palpatations when i hear her getting up as shes always in a mood and ready to bitch and moan about something?
I recently had a ministroke from the stress of the last 5yrs and have decided to leave as soon as i can. I know she has an illness but the emotional abuse is too much for me and her constant threats of kicking me out on the street are although "rantings" they scare me. Its so very hard when its "their" home.
I just want you to know you are not alone and all I have to say is you need a break and timeout or your health will get serious look at me a ministroke at 48yrs old this is no longer funny.
Ask yourself "what if I got ill?" who would look after her then? I have a very selfish family but like my doc said if anything happened to me the family would have to cope! you are doing too much on your own and you need to STOP and think about YOU. I know if i stay here and look after mum with no help from family I will end up "hating her" and I dont want that to happen. If she was just ill and not such an unhappy ungrateful person who does nothing but moan then it would be different.
I have hardened up the last few months because im important too and my health is just as important as hers. My mum will not go into a NH she wont even go to respite well then my brother can look after her he lives down the road.
I will leave but come and visit and helpout anyway i can BUT from a distance.
Try and get help and a break for once in your life think about what you want to do before you end up ill like me and close to a breakdown you will see here that theres always a point when enough is enough and we just cant mentally cope anymore.
My mum would not want me to be unhappy and depressed the dementia took my old mum and left behind a "monster".
Hugs this is the toughest job youll ever do! XX