Any suggestions on getting my mom, who lives with me to talk about her future. She acts like she is just waiting to die, while at 73 she is in very good health, and her mental state is good too. When I bring up wills, or funeral preparations, she shrugs it off and says it doesn't matter. She is borderline depressed, but refuses any care other than to get BP meds. She has gambled (slots) all her money and is a very non-confrontational person. I need to keep the peace since she lives in our basement, but worry that in the long run, she is putting a huge burden on me that could be avoided.
You'll see. Later.
Talking about the future with aging parents is never easy, but I think better to do it sooner than later. If crisis hits, and no one has addressed the subject of what our parents want, it can be enormously stressful for everyone involved, and some of that stress can be avoided by simply planning ahead.
how to bring the subject up depends somewhat on your relationship with your mom... It often helps to bring up changes in health or living arrangements of a friend, or a neighbor and ask her what she'd like to do in a similar situation. It gets her to start thinking about the fact that this might happen.., and also tell her that u are not telling her what to do, u just want to know how can you and her work together to make sure her wishes are met.
Another way to broach the subject is to make the conversation about you. You can tell her that u don't have a health care or a will and thinking about getting it...
Hope everything works out for you
As for driving, she stoped when she moved in with me, and I was grateful. Her driving was dangerous. I wish she were able to drive, it would open her world back up, but she just gets "scattered" easily, and does not see well, because she is too vain to wear her glasses.
People age at a different rate. To say being in your 70s isn't old, is not fair. Lifestyle, history, diet, health and disease all take a toll on people and some are just blessed to live longer than others.
Amen!
~Sooz~
What enables one to live well in her own home, cooking, cleaning, washing, watching TV, walking, while others of the same age, living in a basement, at the mercy of a child to take care of them? It couldn't be just the vitamins, the medicines, the DNA, the money in their bank accounts. It has to be something MORE.
I would like to hear comments about this subject. Don't tell me that 71- 78 is "old". It is not. Most of these people are perfectly capable of writing their own will, with legal assistance, signing their own documents if they wish, and minding their own finances. When they can no longer, feed themselves, bathe, dress themselves, walk or go potty without assistance, then it is time for us to step up and take over their care, but not until then.
My husband and I are going to plan a talk with her, in the near future, and I will try to get my siblings to participate. I am going to gather information for her to look at, with costs for funeral pre-arrangement, and living will, power of attorney, etc.
I hope everything goes well, but at least, it will be out in the open and hopefully we can deal with it and then get it behind us. Blessings to all of you and thank you.
Rose
Get a POA for Healthcare and another POA for Finance. Get a will drawn up, read it to her, let her make changes (if she will) and then let her sign it in front of a notary public. She does not need a "Living Will" right now. Stop talking about "planning".
Get her out of the basement as often as you can. How 'bout some sunshine at the park, a movie or two, some art fairs or ballgames, concerts, picnics, magazines to read.
Since she's 73, that means she should have friends from High School/or College. Keep in touch with them. Does she shop? Play cards/Board Games? Go to the Salon? Go to the Library? What was her major? Does she keep in touch with new information on her favorite subjects. In other words, let this woman LIVE, AND live FREE.
SHE'S ONLY 73.