My sister from out of town wants to visit Mom in memory care. She has stated she wants to stay at memory care with Mom for a week. I am afraid even a week will be stressful for Mom and the staff. My sister is sloppy and does not clean up after herself, and I don't want her to be a burden to the staff and Mom. She also has a history of saying she will stay for a week and then stays a month. She hasn't seen Mom in 3 years because last time she came (mom was in assisted then) she smoked pot in my Mom's room within hours of her arrival! She was asked by the facility director to leave within 24 hours. Both Mom and I were mortified. I am going to talk to the memory care director and ask about their policy for family visitors, and I am trying to be sensitive to the fact that my Mom is 90 and my sister wants to see her, but I think a week is too long ( she has money to stay in a hotel but wont) and I am afraid she will cause disruption for Mom and the staff, and not leave after a week. She cannot stay with my husband and me for many reasons. My mother wants to see her, but even she knows ( even though she would never say a word to her about it) that her visits are always troublesome and lots of drama. Any suggestions on the best way for me to handle this? I am dreading her visit.
Don't facilitate helping her make the visit happen. Don't enable her. Don't allow her to stay with you, either.
Do you have POA for your mother? If so you can limit visits. For example, saying your sister can only visit if you are also present. The facility managers know that MC residents can be taken advantage of, scammed, or become emotionally distressed, so they are willing to protect the residents when necessary, if legally permitted.
Memory care isn't a hotel for out-of-towners.