How far do you travel to help care for your loved ones? How often and are you working?
Up until the week before Easter both my parents were working full time and managing all of their own affairs. Both are in their 80s. Short story Dad got sepsis and is in rehab, Mom is declining rapidly from stress and, God willing, Dad will be going back home in a few weeks but he will need a lot of care. I have two siblings and all of us will do what we can to help. We all have our own families. I live close to an hour away and I work so I am trying to figure out how much I can commit to. I am hoping I can manage two afternoon/evenings a week without overdoing. I have health limitations and have learned the hard way not to push so hard I end up sick. I think between the three of us and maybe some home health aid we can keep my parents safe and well cared for, at least for now. My sister is the health proxy and my brother will handle finances. I will just do what ever is needed at the time of my visit.
I guess I'm just wondering what do other part time care takers do? Do you travel to help your loved ones? Do you have outside jobs?
At first I went out about 3x weekly, but that was too much, in part because of the heavy traffic and irresponsible drivers. I became tense as soon as I left my neighborhood because of the high probability of being involved in an accident caused by texters, cell phone talkers, speeders, stop sign and traffic signal runners, and just plain irresponsible drivers. The commute was more tiring than the caregiving.
(One friend from the East Coast visited several years ago and described driving here as "bumper to bumper at 80 mph", and that's an accurate description for freeway driving.
Also, I realized that I was enabling his dependence on me by being so available, so I cut back on my visits.
Now I don't determine visits by the number of days but rather by the importantce of tasks, and I limit our excursions to no more than 3 or 4 daily depending on how much walking is required.
Typically a visit will include one medical appointment, some grocery shopping, possibly a Man Cave excursion (absolutely great for a man's mental health!), and perhaps a trip to the Dairy Queen for rewards.
If laundry is on the agenda, that trip tires both of us out as the laundrymat is noisy (with loud revolting daytime tv programs) and hot. So I don't combine laundry days with medical appointment days. In other words, I try to balance out the walking, waiting and noisy days so we don't have too much on the same day.
We go out to eat every few weeks and spend days strictly devoted to leisure.
My father is in his mid 90's and is still recovering from his second hip fracture, so his fatigue level is always a factor in what we do or don't do.
I also have had to establish boundaries in that I refuse to do some tasks unless all the priority ones have been accomplished (and that doesn't happen often).
Hope this helps.
The only thing I have any control over right now is how much time and effort I have to give to help them in their home. I'm trying to figure that out now. If I know my limitations before making commitments things will be more clear for us all.
During the tine she was in IL, I would visit once a week, take her shopping and the like. My sister in law paid her bills and brother fixed things. Now that she's in nh, brother and sil each visit several times a week. I go up each wekend. You want to look long and hard as to whether your parents can remain at home safely. Lok into assisted living nearby