Why do I feel so overwhelmed with care giving when I know that others have a far more difficult time than I do? I know that is the case - I read lots of posts here on Agingcare and don't know how some of you do what you do.
I know that stress is perceived. How do I perceive it differently?
My family says to 'just let it go' - 'don't pay any attention to what she says' - 'you can't do anything about it' - 'stop worrying about it.'
Why can't I?
I have changed from a very caring person, happy person into someone who is uptight, stressed out and feels like crying a lot. Some days I manage OK and some days I don't. Is it ME or is it just that my hubby and kids don't understand what I deal with? If I were to explain my day - MOST would think I have it pretty good. Why does it FEEL like PRISON?
I do the care-giving. I don't feel that I get much understanding from my family. I know my husband 'cares' but I am not so sure he 'understands.' My MIL gets visits and caring phones calls - no one ever asks how I am.
I just feel that it is easy for others to say 'let it go' - because they CAN. Of course, they can also LEAVE. They have jobs and lives. :
I am even looking forward to a REAL break in a few weeks. Friends from and our kids are going to look after grandma while we go away for a while. The visiting nurse says 'go for it.' 'Don't worry' I spent 3 weeks enlisting help for twice a day visits and 5 evenings of meals and company for her. I should be thrilled to be able to leave. What's wrong? Am I dreading coming home before I even leave?
Maybe it's the gloomy weather :-( Guess this is just a rant with NO real answers required.
I take care of my mom, she is a wonderful mom. But even so things get harder as they get older, and it sucks the life and health from you.
I commend you for taking car of your MIL. I hope your husband realizes what a fantastic wife he has.
I also hope you go do something for "yourself" when she is gone. A nice vacation where you can be pampered for a change.
Keep us posted! Hugs !!!!!!
My mother's personality has changed so much I can hardly see my real mother in her. She has become extremely demanding and sometimes she can say mean things to me. My dad is quite most of the time, but he is the wild card from time to time.
My home has never been the same, I had a small episode of a nervous breakdown and then my husband went through a short period of depression. I love my husband so much, and he has been such a gentleman and so helpful, but I think he is at the end of the rope with this situation. I am not the person I used to be; from a happy, sweet, caring, outgoing, full of life, I have become irritated, sad, anxious and insecure and I even sometimes have a mean answer to my parents. I am trying to cope with everything and to go back to whom I used to be, but it's a constant battle.
I had to leave my job because my mother would call me 10 to 18 times a day with anxiety attacks or panic attacks and would drive me nuts. I had to leave the office and come home to find her better because she knew I was on my way home.
I feel my parents, (specially my mother), breathes because I breath. I do not know what to do anymore. I feel I'm inside a prison with no escape.
This is the first time I dare to express my feelings and let them out.
A desperate caretaker.
If you'd like more input, I'd suggest starting your own thread (post a link here), so more and more people will respond. DO keep us posted and let us know how it goes!
*hugs*
LadeeC
My advice is this -- go on your break. Try not to think too much about the situation at home, although I know that is hard, but just try to get a break. At some point, you might want to think about whether there's any way you can change things. It's not about how hard you do or don't have it, but that you are being weighed-down. And, honestly, the grey weather does make us feel this all the more keenly. Try to be really honest with yourself whether you'd felt this down during the sunnier weather, too. If that's the case, you probably need more help than you've had, maybe more breaks than you've had.
I was just looking at Medicare and supplemental insurance about visiting nursing care, just in case I need a nurse to help with my mother. It does say it's covered but doesn't say how much, but maybe an option is to get a nurse or a senior-sitter more often, if it's covered or if it's cheap-enough for your situation.
Also, I know it might seem cruel to ask if you have outside activities. Your reply would be that you don't have time, quite likely, but you really need something to look forward to to help give you some breaks. Each person is different, where some find they need to get out, maybe going to something like art classes, others just hide in the back room and listen to relaxing music to get their breaks.
Also people probably don't really understand what you're going through, but they're probably trying. When my mom took care of my grandmother with Alzheimer's, it was in the days when we really didn't understand it, yet, and none of her siblings would ever help out. My parents are from the era where men worked and women stayed home and my dad wasn't a particularly feelings-oriented sensitive type, but even he realized my mother needed a break.I think he pretty much "made" her go to ceramics classes, once a week, while he watched her mother. I'm pretty sure it was mostly his doing. Young as we were, even my brother and I thought she was going to end up being carted-off somewhere, because she was obviously totally stressed-out.