I have this feeling of sadness in the pit of my stomach. I know it is okay to feel it. My mother is a rattled shell of herself and my brothers are busy with their own lives. It is just my mother and me, so it feels like I am living in a world of nothingness. I have three Christmas gifts I still need to buy, cookies and candies to make, and a meal to prepare. I know I will get it done. I don't feel stress or excitement -- just the sadness. I plan to go out this afternoon, hoping it will pick me up some. I'm afraid I'll just radiate the sadness around me. It's not clinical depression. I've been through that before. It is just a sadness that feels like tears are about to come.
I can most definitely relate to what you are going through. I know things will get better for you as well as for myself, but right now it is tough. I am sending you a hug and hope it helps a tiny bit.
FriscoLady
No Christmas tree this year. No energy, no time, too numb to even bother. Ok, I do have antique snow ball lights [saved from my childhood] on a live ficus tree inside the house. Took a mere 10 minutes to do. And yes, the OCD switch came on so I had to make sure no two lights were the same color next to each other :0
It's been years since we had Christmas on Christmas Day because of sig other's work schedule, thus we would do Christmas the Sunday prior. Since I was in the hospital this week and last week, my Dad said "well, there goes Christmas", yeah right let's throw some guilt into the situation, thanks, Dad. Christmas for my parents has been postponed until the 28th or there after.
Had a great long distance chat with my eldest son last night who mentioned "first world" problems and that pretty well all of his problems are those. I have to say most of mine are too. I can eat, I have shelter, I am not in danger of being shot at, or catching Ebola. I have reasonable health, mother is being treated, and will be moved to a new facility where I trust they can manage her. A friend's mother said all her friends either had lost their minds or died. It happens to all of us one way or another, one time or another.
Christmas Eve I will have dinner will my daughter and grandkids. I will be alone on Christmas Day as G visits his kids and grandkids and they don't want me there, and that's OK. I am still thankful for him and that he has them to visit. The following week G and I will do our holiday thing.
I try to keep my focus on the reason for the season, count my blessings and be thankful.
My mother would say, "I wish she'd sit down. She's making me nervous. I need another one of those pills," motioning toward her Ativan bottle.
Charlie, what kind of infection does your father have? Do they think he'll get his mobility back when it clears. Good thoughts coming your way this Christmas season. I hope you'll be able to spend time at rehab with your dad.
We should have a virtual party on this site on Christmas day! No explanations required, just lots of good cheer and camaraderie from one caregiver to another. I'll bring the Diet Pepsi and Reeses' peanut butter cups. WOOHOO!
I don't have a big family, just my brother and his family and me and my daughter. My daughter is going to spend Christmas with her dad's family and when I talked to my brother about me going over there for Christmas he gave some weird story about how his FIL is going to be there and will be anxious about whether he should buy me a gift or not. I barely know his FIL and it sounded like a made up story but the gist is that I'm not invited to my brother's house for Christmas. This hurt me terribly. So I'm going to work on Christmas instead.
But like several of you, I too am depressed right now. More depressed than I care to let on to anyone. I feel like a loser who has nowhere to go on Christmas. I wish I could go to sleep and wake up Jan. 2nd.
But even being in a facility, it takes lots of time and energy. She's had numerous health issues, doctor appointments, etc. I can't imagine handling all of that by myself.
Do you ever lye awake and think of options? I do. There are none for me, because my cousin named me as her DPOA and HCPOA and she has no living family or friend who will do anything except for me. I just figure this must have meant to be a lesson I learn in life. Granted, I have learned so much from my experiences, but sometimes it is overwhelming. It's like my life is not my own anymore.
Something my cousin's roommate said to me the other day did make me smile. I took some gifts to the Memory Care facility where my cousin stays for her to give to some staff members and her roommate. Her roommate also has dementia. Physically, she seems fine, but there are definite issues. Although, I allowed my cousin to present the roommate the gift, she saw it was me who brought it in. She thanked me profusely, told me I was such a kind person and that if she could ever do anything for me, just let her know. I smiled. So sweet.