I have this feeling of sadness in the pit of my stomach. I know it is okay to feel it. My mother is a rattled shell of herself and my brothers are busy with their own lives. It is just my mother and me, so it feels like I am living in a world of nothingness. I have three Christmas gifts I still need to buy, cookies and candies to make, and a meal to prepare. I know I will get it done. I don't feel stress or excitement -- just the sadness. I plan to go out this afternoon, hoping it will pick me up some. I'm afraid I'll just radiate the sadness around me. It's not clinical depression. I've been through that before. It is just a sadness that feels like tears are about to come.
I figured I need to start exercising and get more sleep (currently on 5 1/2 hours sleep). Find a great funny book or maybe just watch a funny YouTube videos until I lighten up a bit.
blannie, I felt better just reading that you got that bad tooth out. There's little worse than an abscessed tooth. It brought back painful memories of the one I had. It hurt so bad that I spent the first night in the bathroom lying on the floor, throwing up with the pain. What a relief the antibiotics and endodontist were!
Sunny, it isn't clinical depression. I did think about this. I think what many of us go through is situational depression. We see others doing things like going to parties and getting married. Everyone seems so happy. Then we come home to a place that is barren of the things that people need to refresh their spirits. I think it takes an exceptional person not to be sad about it. I do envy the people who have good spouses to support them. It is hard to be alone going through this.
I too will be glad when it's Jan 2nd. I don't feel sad nor happy. Lately I just feel nothing but numbness. There's a gorgeous tree 5 feet from her chair and I don't think she even notices it. Bought her a popcorn tin... that will be about it, oh and a lightweight transfer chair. Not cooking either. Why spend a fortune on stuff that she won't enjoy? I will order a Papa Murphy's Take N Bake. She loves pizza and if she's happy with it, so am I.
Don't you just love those energy spurts Susan? Haha... takes ages to recover from ONE day of energy.
My mom is getting Christmas letters (that I foolishly read) from relatives and acquaintances about "we went here and we went there and then we did this with this part of the family and that with that part of the family oh and we took this fabulous vacation here and we have 20 people coming for our holiday feast." I told my mom if I wrote a Christmas letter, it would read, "I played pickleball and took care of my mom." Of course there are a few more things in my year, but no trips, no fabulous get-togethers with kids and grandkids or hubby's family. No future plans either.
I've been out of commission for the past week with a horrible tooth abscess. I had it pulled on Tuesday. My mom can't remember any of that. I went this morning to shower her and she said she was too tired. I left and felt like walking away for a week. It just felt like too much. I had to use all of MY strength just to make myself go over there to help her and then she said no. I feel better now, but it really set me back.
So you are NOT alone. I will be VERY happy when it's January 2nd. This happens every year, but at least I am aware of it and have developed ways to cope (my friend being one). Hugs to all of us who are feeling down during this "joyous" time.
If it's not depression and it is being sad, then I do empathize with you. It's a lot to care for a loved one with dementia. It's the most challenging thing I think I've ever seen. Have you thought about getting some help in caring for your mom? Sometimes getting out from under the stress and pressure, even for a short break can you give you a fresh start. There is advice here for respite help.
My loved one is living in a Memory Care unit, but I do feel sad for her. Especially, when I think of the things she might be doing if she didn't have dementia. I attended their Christmas party this week and noticed that many of the residents still enjoyed the traditional Christmas songs. Some even knew most of the words! They laughed at the dancing and jokes from Santa too. They seemed to love the treats Santa brought. I'm not sure what they were thinking, but it seemed like a happy time. I know it was a blessing to me. Somehow it took away the sadness of seeing her condition. She was laughing and very excited over the necklace I gave her that had Christmas ornaments that lit up. She was also thrilled over the stuffed reindeer and elf I gave her. It's little things like that that can make Christmas time special to me.
Giving to others has always brought me pleasure. Maybe by giving back, you can get some as well. I'm not sure of your financial situation, but if money is not tight, giving to a charity or soup kitchen is always appreciated. It would truly brighten someones day to get a little unexpected cash or food coupon.
You are doing the right thing by coming here. There are so many great people who can support you and help you see things more clearly. And if you need more, there are hot lines to call. I hope you find some happiness this Christmas. Take care.
I feel like the house is overwhelmingly cluttered and dirty (it's really not, but I feel like it is), and that's not helping. I want to cook, bake, etc - but having 3 days worth of dishes in the sink because I haven't had time to wash them is preventing that. Working 60+ hours a week and caring for an elderly loved one can do that to you. So before I can even get to the "fun" part of baking and cooking, I have to hand-wash all those dishes. Our family party was 10 days ago, and I still have totes sitting around waiting to be put away. I had a burst of energy for ONE DAY and managed to get some things done, but then it was right back to no time, no energy, no desire to do it.
Ugh. I'm sorry Jess, that was just depressing. I guess I'm just trying to say I understand and can commiserate. I hope we can both find some happiness and joy this season. I'm going to try to kick my butt out of the doldrums (again!) this weekend and do some present wrapping and baking, so I can enjoy my time with the g'kids Sunday. I wish we lived closer to each other - we could help each other out and have a cookie baking marathon. LOL