Just wondering if everyone else is finding out that you need to be either super rich or dirt poor to find some type of help for their parents?
I've been looking after my mom and dad for a few months now - the former caretaker dropped this in my lap just before I lost my job and now I'm with my parents and hours away from my wife.
My dad worked hard all his life, getting a GED and promotions in a shipyard to move from pipefitter to management and moving up in the Army Reserves for more than a decade to get a good medical insurance plan upon retirement.
It seems that the middle class really don't have that much support when it comes to either getting in-home care or a place in a facility.
Am I the only one who sees it like this?
You've chosen to help: will you now help support them to move into this next stage of their lives? Help them to choose from their real world options?
Or will you keep on as their 24/7 solution, acting as a buffer, leaving you own home & wife indefinately?
(Sorry to sound harsh. I have parents who refuse to plan for their own future with apparently sky high expectations I will just fix everything).
I think maybe you are still "new" to the caregiver needs and will find over time that there are not many resources or support services unless your family has a substantial amount of money for long term care. So "middle class" and "dirt poor" are both in the same boat. There is a massive shortage of caregivers in the US and it is getting worse because of the pandemic.
I am so sorry. I understand the point you are trying to make, but I assure you that the dirt poor are not getting a whole lot out there.
My brother was a waiter all his life. Yet he saved enough that he had enough money to take care of himself in good style until his death. To afford a really good ALF, and his good insurance supplemental, and to do as he wished. He was a saver for his entire life. Someone dirt poor would not have got that placement, but rather been put in a nursing home that accepts medicaid. And sad it is to say, there is a huge difference.
I am middle class. I have worked hard all my life at a profession I worked hard to get into. I have taken great joy in making an excellent salary and in paying my taxes to the government for "greater good" (while of course wanting always to argue how it is/should be spent; that's called normal). I will be unlikely to outlive the money I have managed to save throughout a lifetime of much loved hard work and great care in management. I consider myself very lucky, and the day will never come when I envy the poor. As to the very wealthy who give nothing back? Tis to shrug about them; I always wonder how much they need before they feel safe and can "give back." Some do. Some don't. Greed will always be with us.
I don't spent lots of time resenting anyone, but certainly I never for a second, even when I was young and struggled so hard that hunt's tomato sauce over noodles was what I ate in order to pay the 18.00 a week rent, envied the dirt poor. In fact, I didn't envy the rich either. As long as I could cough up that rental and keep working toward the life I wanted to live, it was ALL good. I feel very lucky in that.
The 5 1/2 WONDERFUL YEARS she spent in residential care cost almost the entire million dollars she’d saved in the 40 years they were married, and what was left over paid for her burial.
I didn’t begrudge her a cent of it, but if SHE had known the situation would go as it did, she would have wanted her grandchildren to have her estate for themselves.
She was ENORMOUSLY generous to her family, but as stingy as Scrooge for herself.
She’s still after many years, terribly missed.
AL cost at the least 5k a month. You get 3500 a month from SS and pension and that is all u have. Not enough to pay for an AL but too much to receive Medicaid, if like my state the income cap is a little more than $2300. Your between a rock and a hard place.
Your parents will not meet the criteria for help until their assets are spent down to 2k which is the average cap for Medicaid in most states. Thats why there are lots of people carrying for parents that are really stuck.
A call to Veterans Assistance Commission might yield better and faster results.
If he actively served he may get more but it is worth checking out. Might even want to check to see if he qualifies for any union benefits.
His 2 year war-time Army career provided him with Veterans Aid & Attendance benefits for he & my mom, thank God, so together with their SSI, I was able to place them in Assisted Living back in 2014 after he fell and broke a hip. He also had 2 stocks (believe it or not) that we cashed out that provided enough $$ to continue my mother's ongoing care after his death in 2015. One stock was from the department store she'd worked at as a clerk for about 6 years back in the 80s! They had profit sharing back then and it really paid off.
When those funds run out, the Aid & Attendance survivor benefits won't be enough (together with her SSI) to pay for her Memory Care, so I'll have to apply for Medicaid to fund her long term care in Assisted Living.
I don't think the VA pays benefits for the Army Reserves, but you should definitely check into it. You can also contact an elder care attorney for advice about Medicaid, and selling your folks' home (if they own one) and how to go about preparing for the 5 year look back. The consultation is normally free.
Finally, look into their Medicare plan to see what services are offered. Also check into the 'good medical insurance plan' your dad has that you've mentioned. If they have a house, it may be a good idea to sell it and downsize to finance in-home help for their old age. You shouldn't be the primary care giver if you're living away from your own wife & family! Check out all the resources available.
Wishing you the best of luck moving forward.