For as long as I could remember, I've been caring for my mother. From being her "shrink" to helping pay the bills when dad left my 8th grade summer. Her, ongoing paranoia and delusions got worse with age. Demanding I move her every year because someone was" breaking in." Half sister spilt when I was 2yrs. Bounce in & out of our lives, mostly out! Mom lived on & off w/ me & husband 10 of our 20 yrs. Now sissy looking for $$. Legally I don't have to give her a dime... my mother monopolized my life, emotional terrorism. But, she was my mother and I loved her. I feel bipolar. Crippling sadness then relief it's over. No emotional support from husband. He hated her. I feel like he's looking for $$ too. I dream of cutting & running, but, stuck due to Corona virus.
When did Mom pass? So sorry for ur loss.
You will find that you are not the only one that is "relieved its over". I think we all are relieved when the Caregiving is over. For those who have cared for an abusive parent even more so. Just know with how your Mom was, you did the best you could for her. You were there. My Mom was easy compared to some of the stories u hear on this forum. But I wasn't a Caregiver. It overwhelmed me. Even though I understood how Dementia worked, living with it was a different thing.
You profile reads you paid out 24k a month for 5 months for Moms care. Aides having to be hired. Why couldn't the facility care for Mom, why the need for aides. I may have paid for the NH but not for extra aides.
Mom ended up in an apartment. Did you pay for that and the aide? Why do DH and sister think there is any money? And if there is, you deserve to be reimbursed for out of pocket expenses. Then what is left gets split. If Mom has no money, Sister cannot inherit. And you are not obligated personally to give her a dime.
I think with longtime Caregiving there is relief, then guilt because you are relieved. That having to be there constantly for someone else is gone. Sadness is part of grieving. Then its trying to find yourself again. Maybe when the quarantine is lifted you can get away. Even if is just a long weekend. Rent a room near a beach or lake and just veg out.
I think you need to talk to someone who can validate your feelings not try to cover them up. We were told this when we were having problems with my teenage daughter. She remember instances so much different than what we had. We were told to acknowlege this is how she preceived things and not to minimize her feelings. These were "her" feelings.