How can one take the constant repetition of questions and the same answers all the time? My Husband asks the same questions and then repeats them after the answers I give. He and I live together at home and only when I can get out do I get a break from them. I have found other ways to entertain him but this does get to me. This is really tough to take.
So it became a challenge. Can I control myself and answer her with the same loving tone she deserves on the 10th time she asks the same question? How many times can I answer the question _slightly_ differently? Is she asking the same question because she's anxious about something? What could it be? Can I relieve her anxiety?
I became aware of the little ears that were watching me when my little grand-nephew (who loved to visit his great-grandma every day) would answer the question for me.
It was so hard to cope with when it started but somewhere along the journey it became much easier; maybe because I accepted this outward manifestation of her disease when she seemed so "normal" otherwise? Mom has been gone in a physical sense for three months now. What I wouldn't give to go back to those early days when her repeating questions was my big challenge. You have started a journey filled with sadness and frustration, responsibility and indecision, moments of self-doubt but also filled with moments of joy when you know you have helped your loved one. God bless and comfort you.
That said, the best thing you can do is to remove yourself from the situation at home for a few hours every day. Hire in home help and/or get DH into adult day care so you can have some respite from the endless questions. Also, call his doctor to see if there is any medication that could be prescribed to address the issue. IDK that there is, but it's always worth a try to ask.
Wishing you the best of luck finding respite time for yourself every day.
There are some ways that can help break a dementia loop. Like offering them a snack or a toy or some other distraction.
If none of these do the trick, you have to ignore the subject of the loop. You answer a few times then stop answering. If it persists, then you must persist in ignoring it.
I've been in elder homecare a long time and have had many clients who got into dementia loops. Believe me the patience of paid caregivers wears thin as well when it's hour after hour of the same repetition.
I would answer a few times then ignore and stop answering. Sometimes the repeating gets to the point where you have to firmly state that you've already answered it and will be answering it again. I find that this often works well to break a dementia loop after a while.
You're living in the caregiving situation. Learn how to ignore with love.
Once she descended into her own fantasy world where my father, her devoted husband of 66 years, no longer existed, and she was married to the high school boyfriend she hadn't seen since 1945, we knew we'd lost her once and for all. I had nearly three years of conversing with a stranger who knew me as a friendly face but not as her daughter, because Mom and the boyfriend weren't old enough to have a 60-year-old daughter -- they were forever sixteen years old and in love.
Try to understand that a person with dementia is like a small child in many ways. Remember the days when you were asked "Why?" a hundred times a day by a toddler, and you'll know how to handle your husband's repetitive questions.
With patience.
1.Watch Teepa Snow videos for good information
2. Get the book called the 36 hour day.
3. Try to break this loop with distraction, write out signs with the information. Like the day or the schedule. Try to give food, change the venue, smile and touch their arm,comforting them. Anxiety can cause this presentation. Afternoon evening can be worse as in sundowners.
Also found a YouTube doctor called Careblazers and it has great info.
Best wishes,
The good news is that this too shall pass. I’m sure some loved ones are more repetitive than others but my DH aunt did that quite a bit in the beginning and then it tapered off.
Today her repetitive question is “what happened”. She is asking why is she in bed, with an ice pack on her foot…. I assume. Her sentences are pretty short.
Some days I tell her the whole story of how she fell etc.
Some days I say well I got old…
Or … we are having a pandemic
Or…the little boy who went blind at 7 is now playing football.
She seems to like one answer as well as the other. and she usually only asks once.
I think the key is to learn how to roll with it or it will drive you wild.
Try training yourself to do three slow Kegels before answering his questions. Lower your shoulders. Do something simple that is beneficial and relieves your anxiety.
I’m sorry this disease has happened to you and your husband.
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