He encouraged her to sell her $785,000 beach condo in the very day the money was deposited had her write him a check for $230,000… He has successfully gotten her to remove me (her main caregiver for 3 decades) and make him POA, made himself POD(pay on death) in all her (6) accounts. He got her maid to be his minion and had her add the maid in will for 10,000. When maid saw me at her home she literally walked past my mother who she has taken over all financial assistance (knows her banking) and work hand in hand with my (out of state) brother. .. walked past Mom, out the door and called my brother crying knowing the gig is up. Mother wants to remove maid from will. Sees what has happened and wants to reinstate me as POA but now has slight in and out dementia. Sometimes she’s still “all there”… she said,”I trusted him… how could I give birth to such a person” now that she sees he removed me entirely from her will. It’s as though she’s woke up from what she’s done. He encouraged her to use 139,000 of the 785,000 to pay off her house, and then he had me removed from being 50-50 inheriting the house so he is to inherit the house exclusively… Our stepfather when he was alive decided to give a House to me and to my brother, my brother would call up and ask me “is he dead yet?” my brother has done other manipulative things talking out of both sides of his mouth, completely conflicting statements, and then he denies that he ever said it, but it’s so alarming you know when you hear some thing and you know what you hear… And there’s no misconstruing it… He is a retired police officer and a master manipulator, and my mother, and I fear that he with now having power of attorney is trying to work towards Proving, she has dementia, removing her from her house and putting her in a home, we have several pamphlets and papers that he has filled out trying to compare nursing homes… My mother wants to stay in her house, and if I was still power of attorney I would make sure that she did whatever she wants even if it spends her last DIME -I don’t care… I just want her to live out her life how she wants to… She met a wonderful man he lives two doors down. He’s taking her on a cruise. She’s very happy she gets up in the morning does her hair and curlers, dresses herself, beautifully drives herself to appointments, goes to the grocery store… She’s very capable and she does live at home right now, alone… Sure, she still needs some help if it’s a new doctor appointment or a place that she hasn’t been she does need help with direction getting around, but she’s almost 83 years old!… It’s a horrible situation and I just don’t know who to turn to or what to do if anyone out here has any advice please help!!
POA s, stating to have them changed by mom , she needed 2 doctors to declare her competent.. stopped it..
My brother did a similar thing with our mom, but only cut out our diseased sister's children from her will. He and his son died before our mom did and so his daughter, one out of 6 living grandchildren, got half of my mom's estate. My mom did not understand what she was signing. I know for sure my mom did not wish for one grandchild to have half of her estate. In fact she didn't want any of them to have a share. There was nothing to do about it after she died, which was when I found the new will. My advice to you is to make an appointment with an elder attorney for your mom, arm her with all information she may need, and let them figure out what she should do. The attorney may not think she is of sound mind, in which case things will stay as they are. And do not let your mom go on a cruise with the neighbor if she has any dementia.
I want to make an elder attorney appointment but since she has the beginning stage of dementia I don’t know if they will help? She needs someone other than me perhaps. Like a guardian or adult guardian who is not invested in any of her life like her children are. Thanks again for sharing your story.
She'll showtime for the lawyer. Once the villifying starts that's the sure indicator of dementia.
There needs to be an an actual diagnosis made. Then the adult kids can duke it out in the probate court over who will be appointed POA or conservator.
The OP would do well to get this diagnosis before mom heads off on her cruise with the boyfriend. It could very well turn out to be the Love Boat and they come back married.
What a fine kettle of fish it will be then. Then the adults kids can fight the death like gladiators over the money while hubs sits back and spends it.
Take with you the proof that you were the chosen POA and took care of your mother for three decades and that your brother took her during her descent into dementia to do all of this.
It's not clear to me WHEN he did all of this from out of state without your mother speaking to you of it, but that's irrelevant here, and something to discuss with your attorney.
I think on the face of what you have told us you will win guardianship.
IF you win guardianship brother can't easily get it away from you. It is a court action requiring papers, witnesses and attorneys, so he couldn't secretly have mom sign her name.
At the least with your filings he will have to bring the financials he is keeping as Mom's fiduciary to court with him. YOU should of course bring your proof of having been your mom's caregiver for three dedicated decades.
If you win guardianship court expense come from mom's estate and you can further assist her in remaining in her home.
This should be done at once as further embezzlement cannot be afforded.
This isn't for a Forum to fix. This needs an EXPERT, meaning an ATTORNEY.
Hope you will update us as you move forward.
Best of luck.
And then there's, "Why don't you talk with a lawyer without me and your son present, so you know you're doing what YOU want, not what you think either of us wants."
Let's not forget, "Mom, I love YOU, not your money. That's not why I'm here." Unless it's exactly why you're there, in which case, carry on with the soap opera.
Mom villified you and you became Public Enemy #1 and brother gets to play the hero.
Now she's villifying him and you get to be the hero.
Then she'll turn on you and it will be him again or someone else.
This is classic dementia. Your brother is right to try and get her diagnosed because she cannot be allowed to make important decisions, or drive, or go on vacation alone with her boyfriend.
And, just an F.Y.I. for you. Domestic workers, and housekeepers are not called "the maid" anymore. You are not on an episode of 'Downton Abbey'.
The "maid" has access to your mother's finances because her legal POA (your brother) allows this. If he lives out of state, someone has to take care of the day-to-day business and he doesn't trust you to. You don't know if the "maid" is ripping your mother off or if she is your brother's creature who does his bidding without question. So don't assume that.
She may have been instructed by your brother (her boss who pays her) that if you show up then call him immediately. I have been in positions where this has happened. Call the POA if one of the siblings shows up.
Did you expect her to curtsey to you and your mother when she walked by the two of you?
The fact that you speak with such contempt for this person is a real indicator to me of exactly what kind of person you are. People have a right to cut "the maid" in on their will or anyone else for that matter.
You would probably do well to see a lawyer yourself. The money being the main concern here. Prehaps you can beat your brother to the actual dementia diagnosis and get yourself made POA and conservator.
you are way off base girl.
I still view a person who comes to a home to clean as a maid. It’s my freedom of expressly and you are so beat down obviously you have little ability to see past your own opinions.
My in laws did the power struggles of constantly changing the POA’s and bank accounts to the point that the banks lawyer had to be involved…