How do I get Grandmother to stop taking supplements?
Hello, looking for some advice. My grandmother is mentally ill, she has anorexia, trauma, ptsd... among other things. She often has body aches because of her anxiety; her body feels achy but when examined by doctors nobody has found anything ever over the past 30 years. She has been hospitalized several times for her anorexia and anxiety disorders. One of her ways of 'coping' is to buy supplements that she thinks her body needs and will stop the pain. She does not believe that the pains in her body are from anxiety and these other disorders (which they are), and she secretly purchases these VERY EXPENSIVE supplements from a woman in North Andover MA, who I have researched and is not even medically certified. I am looking into legal avenues to stop this. This woman has sold her THOUSANDS of dollars in supplements including (I am not kidding) snake oil. All of which she will use and then continue to feel sick. Instead of trying something else, she will try a new supplement. The entire family has spoken to her about this but she refuses to believe it. Has anyone had a similar experience or any advice? The amount of money she has spent is prohibitive, and I don't think she even knows what she is taking, so it could legitimately be causing issues. I brought it up to her doctor but the doctor was like 'I'm not about to stop her because she won't believe me otherwise' ?????? Am I crazy or shouldn't the doctor be concerned about ingesting anything that isn't food? Or prescribed?
She has HUNDREDS of bottles lying around her kitchen...none of these are cheap walmart multivitamins, they are all highly specialized and expensive. Examples are rose hips, echinacea, various oils, aluminum sulfate, calcium sulfate...I can't even begin to list I have already posted once about my grandparents situation and the advice I got was very good, so I am hoping someone might be able to help me here :)
27 Answers
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Adrianna
Get an appt with whichever dr she has that she trusts. Call or msg the dr in advance that you need him/her to review all these supplements and her meds. Go with her and take every last bottle of these supplements with you and show them to the dr. Have the dr tell grandma what is ok sjd what is not ok. Some supplements are fine. Some are not good with certain meds and can interact making one sicker or making a script ineffective. Ask another family member to go also because it sounds like you need reinforcements or to hear for yourself that these are ok to take (family witness).
If the dr approves the supplements, ask what strength and when to take (combinations, etc.) for the most benefit. Sort the supplements with the dr into ok bag and not ok bag. Just get rid of not ok bag, as in it doesn't go back in the house with grandma.
Like most elders stuck in their ways, they can be agreeable at the visit and change their minds after they get home.
Not all supplements are bad, but too many, too much or the wrong ones can be a big problem. A dr should sort this out.
If grandma won't listen to the dr, then you've got to let it go unless you're the one dispensing the meds and supplements.
Best of luck to you.
The big questions are;
Is Grandmother competent to make her own medical treatment decisions?
Is Grandmother competent to make her own financial decisions?
If yes to both, she can make these decisions - including making BAD decisions 😣
In my opinion the anorexic elder, sadly, often fails to get proper medical attention & treatment. Get fobbed off too often as 'fussy eaters' & 'just anxious' despite serious mental health flags. Anorexia, & OCD can be about maintaining control. Add some experience of medicos not helping you & some paranoia & you get someone 'self-medicating' as your Grandmother is doing.
If the right fit, kindly, open-minded therapist could be located (& your Grandmother enticed to go) it could offer some much needed support for her.
I image she blocks any naggers out, so if you can stay on her side, she may keep trusting you, against the world.
(((Hugs)))
You said the key phrase. They work for ‘some’ people. I wish vitamin B12 would have helped my mom. It didn’t. Her doctor put her on them hoping that she would improve but they really didn’t help her.
I bought them for her because she followed her doctor’s instructions. They weren’t terribly expensive. Other supplements are very expensive. If they work, great! I don’t think people mind paying for something that works. When they don’t work, it’s a waste but I didn’t care that mom wanted to take them because the doctor felt that it would help her.
Eating right is equally important! I hear people say that they take supplements because they don’t eat properly. That’s foolish to me, to eat junk and then take vitamins. Our grandmothers were correct to cook from scratch. That’s how my mom cooked and how I cook. I never even tasted fast food as a kid. I never went out for pizza until I moved out! I never felt like I missed out on anything because mom and grandma were excellent cooks.
I splurge on certain products or brands if they are useful. I am practical in other areas, so as far as money goes, it all balances out.
My 90 year old friend has pernicious anemia and her dr prescribes B12 oral supplements to keep her levels up.
So yes, they do have benefits.
If she is not competent. Who has the POA? That person should send a registered letter letting the woman know that your mother is not competent and she should not accept an order from her. You might consider having an attorney send a cease and desist letter.
First thought .... You say the entire family has talked to her - I'm assuming you have all been against her buying and using supplements. First of all, can you imagine what that would feel like? Having the entire family against you and scolding you about something you're doing or not doing? It would feel alot like being ganged up on ... or bullying. Has anyone tried being on her side about it? Do you happen to know if she's really against prescription drugs. and for natural remedies? If she is, perhaps share that interest with her. Do some research and find out which supplements help her conditions. You might be able to influence what she purchases or doesn't purchase if she felt you were on her side.
My second thought - Is it possible that it's not about the supplements at all, but more about making online purchases? We've all heard about people who get addicted to buying things off the internet or infomercials. (My son's MIL has that problem. She has a garage and two bedrooms in her house stacked to the ceiling with boxes of things she ordered online or off infomercials. Most of which she has never even opened. It was the thrill of buying them. She didn't really need the things or really want them I guess. Just had to be shopping.) Is it possible that this could be what is going on with her? If so, it's an addiction thing. It very well could be the case. And that would require an entirely different approach. I don't have a clue how to address that - other than counselling.
Actually, I have another thought - it's posted in another reply. Maybe it's more about her way of dealing with losing control of so many aspects of her life. Personally, I think that is the most likely of all. And it definitely doesn't mean she is incompetent.
Best of luck. It's nice that you care about her.
Hopefully, somebody in the family has a power of attorney to take over grandma's financial decisions and medical decisions. If not -
1 - Contact a local lawyer that specializes in elder care or family care. He/She can guide you into next legal steps to take based on the laws where your grandma lives.
2 - Contact grandma's doctor for an evaluation for mental competence. Do not be surprised if the doctor makes referrals to a neurologist and/or geriatric psychiatrist.
3 - Be prepared to admit your grandmother for inpatient psych evaluation and treatment. Her anxiety needs to be addressed AND some of the "snake oil supplements" can be toxic. She will need medical treatment to get her mentally and physically into a better place of health.
4 - Grandmother probably can not live alone anymore. If she has a legal guardian appointed by the local courts, this person will make arrangements for placement into a full service residential facility. If a somebody has Powers of Attorney, this person should work with local resources to "place" grandmother into a situation where she is cared for and supervised 24/7.
Remember what P.T. Barnum said, “There’s a sucker born every minute.” Scammers count on gullible people buying their products so they can make lots of cash. The infomercials get to me! Geeeeeeeeez! If it sounds too good to be true, it generally is.
I wonder how many people have spent money on products to grow hair! Hahaha, I still see bald people everywhere I go!
Legitimate products will be backed up by the medical community.
She’s had numerous surgeries and may need more down the road. Her’s started off as ulcerative colitis and developed into Crohn’s disease. She does follow a specific diet for her condition to help control it.
My doctor has told me that she feels if I eat well, which I do, exercise as well, which I also do, that the only supplement needed is vitamin D. She said many people don’t have enough vitamin D. She said that excess vitamins are a waste and people are wasting money because they go down the toilet when we urinate.
I have friends that swear by melatonin and say that they sleep well with it and I know others who have tried it and say it doesn’t help them. So, who knows? All I know is that when people are suffering, they want relief.
Mom’s doc had her on vitamin B and her old doc had her on cod liver oil! She lived to 95. She had Parkinson’s disease.
My father went to a doctor that he referred to as a quack! LOL Daddy said that doctor went overboard with vitamins and supplements and that they were costing him a fortune and he didn’t feel any difference when taking them. Some of these doctors own supplement companies and make tons of money off of them. Daddy switched doctors and was told that he had been wasting money on unproven supplements. So, doctors don’t agree on this topic. I suppose that people have to decide for themselves what they want to do.
Same thing with CBD. Some say it helps and others don’t find it does.
You could try to find and dispose if her Credit Cards..
you could try to retrieve the next order and Return It as she might be on some kind of Automatic Schedule..
Have her try CBD Oil.
I had one patient PT was seeing for falls and I had to see due to the confusing and large number of catalogue medications she was taking. Under Medicare, I had to document them all. It took me TWO days and over 3 hours. She was spending over $350/mo. I researched the ingredients of many and found massive interactions with her prescribed meds and each other. Dangerous!
My relative started a little OTC pain med habit after some dental work. Aides encouraged her to use when required. But then assisted her to buy more IN BULK to save her money. Also doubling up as 2 brands (but same active ingredients). I noticed Jaundice when visiting & finally found the reason.
If she is still a good eater who enjoys food, then most if not all nutrition can be gotten from food. There are online practitioners who espouse kitchen food benefits. There are so many excellent ones, and if your mom understands how this works, she might gradually begin to see how wonderful her body can operate when given the proper whole foods, without any price tag or directions and instructions. A consultation with a dietician? Would Medicare pay for that I wonder, if ordered by a doctor.
My dads addressed the whole nutritional issue from food and drink to supplements. I found it helpful to know what vitamins and herbal supplements would improve his quality of life.
If you feel your loved one isn't capable, you need to go to court and have her declared incompetent.
Contrary to popular myth, nutritional supplements are regulated, but not by the FDA (which does designate what things are Generally Recognized as Safe [GRAS]).
Why does your grandmother reject the anxiety diagnosis? I appreciate GardenArtist's suggestion to get her to a local alternative health specialist since she doesn't seem to trust conventional physicians. An integrative health physician is the best of both worlds - a licensed MD with extensive training in nutraceuticals and treating the whole person - mental, physical, environmental, and genetic.
Good health doesn't HAVE to be a money pit.
Your grandmother does not respect your opinion. That must be frustrating and hurtful, but the sooner you get used to it the sooner you will stop expecting her to listen to you and thus avoid a lot of the frustration.
As a potentially useful and/or interesting exercise, you could line up her supplements, take a picture of the collection, and go with it (and preferably her) to a reputable pharmacist to ask for professional feedback on what she's taking. A pharmacist could probably cost it for her, too, and tell her how much money she is literally pouring down the toilet every day.
They can do whatever they want with their money, whether you agree or not.
Someone should be in charge of her finances. Put a Freeze on her credit card so she can not use it.
If she is buying these on line you might want to put parental control on her computer as well so that she can not get to certain sites.
You might also want to do a "change of mail address form" and have all the mail directed to your house. That way you can sort through the stuff you want to keep from her. The other "harmless" stuff you can put in her mail box if you want. Or just keep it and you start paying bills and keeping an eye on what comes and goes.
Does she live alone? or is someone with her that is more responsible?
Now it just says anxiety and other.
Can you find cheaper alternatives to the expensive herbs and supplements?
I use natural medicine and nobody will ever convince me that I do not benefit from them. You don't know if they help her or not, unless you stop all of them. Which I wouldn't recommend doing without the assistance of a holistic doctor.
She could be doing harm by mixing things, so I recommend that you do what garden artists recommends and be proactive in her care.
Then take GM for an appointment, and stay with her during the entire time.
Venturing out of the traditional medical practice area can be a challenge though; you have to verify the credentials and honesty of the practitioner, which it seems as though the current provider is not a candidate.
I had the best advice from a local hospital chain, well known, and in fact had its own program from which my sister graduated and became an RN. The hospital has its own greenhouse which provides organic food for its patients, and a market for the public once a week.
You can check out Henry Ford Hospital at this link:
https://www.henryford.com/locations/west-bloomfield
Henry Ford Greenhouse:
https://www.henryford.com/locations/west-bloomfield/greenhouse
Classes and events
https://www.henryford.com/calendar
The complex is so much different from a traditional medical complex. The "pharmacy" has a variety of natural remedies, the salon sells a salve which I've bought for years and is wonderful for various aches and pains. The hospital has also been active in providing COVID 19 vaccines through community reach out (although it's not alone in this area to be a vaccine provider).
I think the basic reason why people gravitate away from traditional medicine is b/c of the overuse of drugs and the sometimes unnecessary use of expensive products as opposed to basic common sense. An example is the assumption that older people need assistance for basic functions. One PCP tried to convince us that my father needed a bunch of expensive stuff for everyday use. I told him what we used instead - basic good foods tailored to the specific issues for which the PCP felt it necessary to spend more money.
This is one of the major reasons why I have so much contempt for these types of PCPs, although I realize not all of them are like that. I did find one who was great; she never recommended anything beyond basic tests. We also found a cardiologist who took the same approach, prescribing cardiac meds only for conditions that couldn't be addressed by natural remedies.