My mom lovingly and diligently cared for my ailing dad over the past 7-8 years. He had Parkinson's, and she retired to care for him. She was an amazing caregiver.
She has been a window for about a year now, and can't find her purpose. She lives alone and is reluctant to move closer to me or my sibling.
Fortunately, she is relatively healthy and tries to take care of herself physically (through diet and exercise). She is still able to manage her house, finances, etc. So that gives her a little to do.
Her social/emotional health is poor though. She is lonely and bored. :(
She is reluctant to search for activities and volunteer opportunities. I am about 2 hours away, and when she stays with me, I find things for her to do. She is a good sport in trying things but has a hard time making social connections.
She lost conversation skills caring for my declining dad over the past 7-8 years. He had Parkinson's dementia and was unable to provide social companionship.
She is part of a small cultural community but has no close friends. She may get an invitation every 6-8 weeks.
I don't know how to help her. She rejects all advice.
She's going to have to figure that out on her own. And she will in time, so just be patient.
Your dads only been gone for a year. That is not nearly enough time for her to adjust to her new life and grieve on top of that. So cut her some slack.
I cared for my late husband for many many years and he's been dead going on 4 years now, and I am just now figuring out what I want my new life to look like. It doesn't happen overnight as you may think it does.
So give your mom some breathing room and allow her the necessary time to grieve the man she loved and lost, and don't worry, she will in time get things figured out.
If months and months go by, and if she still hasn't found her own way to activities that give her pleasure.... if you believe that she's suffering, you might gently urge her to see her PCP about meds for depression, and/or possibly short term talk therapy with a skilled PhD psychologist.
Consider whether your urgent need to find fast fixes for your mother might possibly be more about your issues than your moms (?) You're grieving, too - you've lost your father and that takes a very long time to process. It can trigger lots of anxieties about ageing and the future.
And your mom might never feel much happier despite all the advances in health that are happening. The sad reality for most elderly (including myself) is that life is more like a Dickens novel than Anne of Green Gables.
Hope things improve for you and your family. Best wishes!
Volunteer work in a local hospital with babies or young children is also a good idea. She can read to the kids, or even be a companion to elders in nursing homes. Giving back is a good way to regain ones purpose in life pretty fast.
If she rejects reading the book and volunteer work, you tried, let her alone to find her own way.
My condolences on the loss of your dad,
Volunteering in the hospital is a good idea. I will encourage her to look into it.
I am glad that she is 2 hours away so she doesn't become dependent on you. I think it's best for both of you
Sence she likes exercising, and lives in a small community, I would try to talk her into small steps. I'm thinking a walk around a block or two, and just say hi to people she sees, and maybe get her to start a little small talk.
Also I'm thinking get her to go to her local convenience store once a day for a coffee, and smile to people she sees. To get her out just around people.
Best of luck
You are right. I, too, feel that she would become dependent if she lived a few minutes away.