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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Search on this Forum for the word “confabulation”.
You will see that it is fairly common in dementia patients.
I read one post that said a person with dementia was so sure of their false memories that they actually passed a lie detector test. They don’t know they are lying. There memory is true to them. Their brain is broken.
My aunt (92) used to frequently tell a story about her dad throwing still born babies down a well. She did have three brothers who either died at birth or were still born. That part is true. Throwing them down the well, oh my.
For awhile, she would pass along news that the most unlikely person had moved into an apartment. Like a 16 yr old great niece who of course was living at home with her parents. Or her SIL or another elderly friend had moved away and were living in an apartment. Where this came from who knows? It caused a lot of confusion. She knew absolutely no one who lived in an apartment but it seemed so true to her that when she repeated it, she was believed. I remember very clearly conversations I had with her where I tried to explain to her why what she was saying wasn’t true. She would listen but I could tell she thought I was wrong.
This was early on in her illness and she really caught people by surprise when she would say these things.
i would be embarrassed at some of her remarks until I understood that it was part of the illness and I learned to take it in stride.
I think you’ll get over your anger as you grow in awareness that what you are angry with is the disease and not your mom. Check out the Teepa Snow videos on YouTube.
Come back to this site often and you will see that many people are dealing with similar issues.
If I could find a way to stop being angry at my mother for her chronic non-stop negativity, I'd bottle up the recipe and make a fortune. Every day I tell myself I will NOT get angry with her toxic words, and every day I DO. So I limit my time with her, both on the phone and in person. I make a conscious effort to STOP thinking about what she says right after I hang up the phone or leave her room at the ALF. Sometimes I have to rant to my husband just to get it all OUT of my system, and I find it to be very helpful. I'm not so sure how helpful HE finds it to be.......but he's a very supportive partner, thank God, so he listens to my rant and tries to give me constructive suggestions. Nothing works. I really think the only way to preserve YOUR sanity is to set down some strict rules and then follow them. You will talk for X amount of time on the phone, you will visit for X amount of time, etc. As soon as the wild stories start, change the subject immediately. If she won't be distracted and insists on continuing on with the negativity, either hang up the phone or leave her presence. There's no 'fixing' people with dementia/Alzheimers, they only get worse as time goes on, so the important thing is to care for OURSELVES. Anger can be a soul-crushing emotion, leaving us feeling guilty & miserable ourselves. So setting down boundaries is a must.
Dead relatives are fodder for her vitriol--you CANNOT have a conversation where she doesn't bring her ex-hubby and his HORRIBLE family into the mix. And she is still as angry today as the day any of the many infractions that occurred, She's got slight dementia, just basic cognitive decline associated with age--but we cannot blame that on her horrible talk--she's just lost her filter and talks louder and louder.
She is, without question, VERY ill, mentally, but it doesn't really help at all to "know" this. She's been mean since I met her, before I met my hubby.
We all just try to ignore her, even when her nastiness is pointed at one of us (mostly me).
She seems to be having beginners stages of alzheimer, try to ha patients with her it can get worse fast. And just take what she says with a grain of salt my mom does the same thing
You have to try to condition yourself to look past it. We have accepted it's no longer my mom. The mom I once had is already gone. I am just trying to make her as comfortable as I can until God takes her home. So every time you get frustrated with her, just take a deep breath, exhale, and remind yourself it's not your mothers intentions to upset you. She just can't help it anymore. She still loves you more than you know. Like my husband constantly tells me, just know when you can't take it anymore, because the last thing you need is to have some kind of mental breakdown yourself. God bless you for trying to take care of her for as long as you can because yes I know it is soooooo hard sometimes! Trust me, somewhere inside her head she thanks you for loving her........
Moms reality, TV and dreams are all meshing together. She can't tell the difference. Her brain is dying. She may have no idea what is happening to her. These are not lies, this is now how she sees her world. You can no longer reason with her. If the stories aren't hurting anyone, just let it go. If it is, just explain its the Dementia talking.
Dementia robs a person of everything they used to be. Try to be angry at the illness as opposed to your mom. I know that's difficult. Her negativity and inaccurate stories are because of her dementia. She can't help it. If someone has congestive heart failure and their legs swell and break out in ulcers and we have to tend to those wounds and make sure they take their diuretic we don't usually get angry because that's the disease, it's how it manifests. Try to think of dementia the same way. Your mom's behavior is a symptom of her illness. She has very little control over it.
Try not to contradict her and try diverting her attention when she launches into stories you know are untrue. When she becomes negative, try walking away if you can. Find a reason to leave the room.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Search on this Forum for the word “confabulation”.
You will see that it is fairly common in dementia patients.
I read one post that said a person with dementia was so sure of their false memories that they actually passed a lie detector test.
They don’t know they are lying. There memory is true to them. Their brain is broken.
My aunt (92) used to frequently tell a story about her dad throwing still born babies down a well. She did have three brothers who either died at birth or were still born. That part is true. Throwing them down the well, oh my.
For awhile, she would pass along news that the most unlikely person had moved into an apartment. Like a 16 yr old great niece who of course was living at home with her parents. Or her SIL or another elderly friend had moved away and were living in an apartment.
Where this came from who knows? It caused a lot of confusion. She knew absolutely no one who lived in an apartment but it seemed so true to her that when she repeated it, she was believed. I remember very clearly conversations I had with her where I tried to explain to her why what she was saying wasn’t true. She would listen but I could tell she thought I was wrong.
This was early on in her illness and she really caught people by surprise when she would say these things.
i would be embarrassed at some of her remarks until I understood that it was part of the illness and I learned to take it in stride.
I think you’ll get over your anger as you grow in awareness that what you are angry with is the disease and not your mom.
Check out the Teepa Snow videos on YouTube.
Come back to this site often and you will see that many people are dealing with similar issues.
Best of luck!
Dead relatives are fodder for her vitriol--you CANNOT have a conversation where she doesn't bring her ex-hubby and his HORRIBLE family into the mix. And she is still as angry today as the day any of the many infractions that occurred, She's got slight dementia, just basic cognitive decline associated with age--but we cannot blame that on her horrible talk--she's just lost her filter and talks louder and louder.
She is, without question, VERY ill, mentally, but it doesn't really help at all to "know" this. She's been mean since I met her, before I met my hubby.
We all just try to ignore her, even when her nastiness is pointed at one of us (mostly me).
It still hurts, a lot.
Like my husband constantly tells me, just know when you can't take it anymore, because the last thing you need is to have some kind of mental breakdown yourself.
God bless you for trying to take care of her for as long as you can because yes I know it is soooooo hard sometimes! Trust me, somewhere inside her head she thanks you for loving her........
Try not to contradict her and try diverting her attention when she launches into stories you know are untrue. When she becomes negative, try walking away if you can. Find a reason to leave the room.