Any words of encouragement I’d appreciate.
So heartbreaking to be dealing with covid and moving dad. I call daily, send mail ect.
His only question is when we are picking him up. I just don’t know how to explain. I just redirect the conversation. This can't be the only way.
She had ALZ and it broke my heart to watch her mind deteriorate.
I agree to let her lead in the conversation and to go along with it. it’s hard to know what they will accept or reject.
It’s more important for you to fully accept that you have done your best by allowing your father to be cared for by a professional staff.
I hope you find peace knowing that he is safe in his environment.
Take comfort in knowing that he lived a full life before his sad and unfortunate decline.
Understand that you don’t have the power to change any of this.
It is heartbreaking and no one is making light of his situation.
Your unrest is a normal transition that many go through.
It took me quite awhile before I could go see my godmother without crying.
We are grieving for the person that has lost the ability to reason and communicate with us as they did before.
My Mom [98] use to think her nursing home was a motel and she was visiting the State where she was raised. Mom use to ask to go visit her parents, so I would say "they are visiting the old country" and Mom was pleased that her parents were on vacation. I had to be quick on the draw whenever Mom asked to go visit her sisters, the fib had to match their life style.
It may be helpful FOR YOU, to attempt to connect, for the time being, with someone in his care staff who works with him more often than others.
What you are doing to yourself just now is actually empathizing much too much with what you assume he’d be thinking, IF HE WERE WELL. The painful fact is, that he is NOT able to reason and comprehend and recall, so your painful thinking is mostly yours, and likely very little his. Confusion yes, suffering? NO.
It is very VERY unusual indeed for a new resident NOT to want to be picked up, taken home, taken to the place he’d left, or thinks he’d left.
The job of the loving, heart broken caregiver who has realized that for his safety and personal welfare HE HAD TO BE REMOVED from his previous environment and relocated to the BEST SITUATION that you, that Caregiver, could find, IS TO STAY IN HIS MOMENT.
You must consciously commit to leaving him be for the first few days, because he WILL expect you to “save” him, and your common sense knows that you have done what HAD TO BE DONE, with love and respect for him.
I LOATHE the coyness of “the white lie”, so if you do too, refocus on staying with him, in HIS thoughts, where HE is. DON’T struggle to “explain”. If he thinks he’s staying in a hotel? Go with that. It has been a helpful and comforting “place” for my LO.
If he’s restless- “too cold” “too late” “not ready”.......WHATEVER GIVES HIM a few moments of peace.
AND- for yourself, limit the attempts to contact him. Everything that was difficult a year ago is many times worse because of the virus.
In a couple days, ask the staff if there’s anything they think he might want to hear about in a phone call, then give it a shot.
Always remember- you suffer in this stage far more than he. Take GOOD CARE of yourself. Many of us have felt as you do, and we understand.
With dementia reasoning won’t work. I tried having heart to heart talks with mom about why she was there, she could get it for the moment but by lunch she was asking again, thus the fibs at that point on.