My mom has been in AL for just over 2 weeks. She finally had her doctor's appointment there with the doctor on staff to establish her as a new patient. It was a very painless exam, he just wanted to go over her medications and he could not have been nicer — she complained about how one of her pills is not delivered to her automatically and she has to ask for it, so he said, "I can change that and have them bring it to you automatically every day if you want," and she said yes. Today she has no recollection of that and was upset when the nurse brought her afternoon dose, thinking the doctor must have told them she was "wacky" and needed the pill (it's anxiety medication - lorazepam).
Now she thinks I am the one who for some reason set up this appointment and made her go to the doctor, even though of course we explained to her numerous times that she just needs to have a local PCP in case she ever gets sick or needs antibiotics or new medication or something….
She called me tonight all upset, not only about that, but also because she skipped going to dinner tonight (because I took her out for lunch today), and someone came to her door to ask if she was coming to dinner. She thinks they did this because they think something is wrong with her (because the doctor or I must have told them so). Mind you, the staff comes around before every single meal and asks if people are coming to the meal — she complained about that to me incessantly for the first week — so when I reminded her that that's just what they do, she flipped out, told me I was lying, called me a liar, and hung up on me!
I called her back later to make sure she was okay; she still is upset and paranoid that the doctor has turned everyone against her, has warned everyone that she is "wacky" and that I am the one who started it.I don't quite know how to respond to this. I realize it is pointless to argue. I told her, "I am on your side 100% and it hurts my feelings when you call me a liar." How else can I handle this, because I have a feeling this is just the beginning of a fun new phase!
It can be tough to let go and let her be. It's not up to you to manage her anymore, the staff in AL will do that. If her paranoia increases, she can be medicated for that too. My mother who lived in Memory Care and regular AL before that, always blamed me for EVERYTHING. I was The Bad Guy no matter what. Hopefully your mom won't get to that point, but if she does, you'll just learn to nod your head and let it go in one ear and out the other. Sometimes what they say IS hurtful, but we have to chalk it off to dementia, or else we internalize it. And what good does that do?
This is a stressful time for you. Back up a bit each day and let mom talk or rant to others in the AL. We need not be there for EVERY issue, it's not necessary. Because with dementia, they create issues out of thin air. Constantly. You need peace too. Make sure you get it.
Best of luck to you.