Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Great progress, Oceana! You set TWO boundaries! You went to therapy without her and you resisted telling her what went on!

Keep up this good work!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Congrats!

My youngest and I were talking yesterday. She is a very sensitive person, as am I, but puts up a wall. She said she found early on that people take advantage of people who are caring. This is true. My other daughter is finding this out too. But my youngest puts a wall up so no one sees that side of her. She is quick witted and can be sarcastic using that as a cover up. She feels you do not let people see you vulnerable. Me, took me a little longer to learn what she has. I have found in dealing with stressful situations, I tend to "harden" myself to get thru it. Things I really don't want to do but it needs to be done and I am it. I wouldn't have gotten through it if I hadn't hardened myself to a point.

You are on the right track, keep going.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

UPDATE.

It's been a while.
I snapped, and not in a bad way. I was truthful and I feel respectful.
I send a message to explain my feelings.
She took is SO BADLY.
I spoke to her on the phone and when I told her that I self harmed in the past because of her (she didn't know) she told me that I did it to get my own way.
And that my eating disorder as a teen was because I need control over everything.
That REALLY hurt.

Shes continuously posting quotes to Facebook with how wonderful she is. Ie.... Making out I'm the awful one.
But I've removed her and I've not seen her in 8 weeks.

I've started being a bit more open to seeing her now I feel like I have enough of a wall built up.
I booked Christmas day dinner out so she doesn't need to come to my house. She still isn't welcome to be honest.
And I will see her next week to take her to an appointment. She tried to get me to rush her to the emergency hospital as she had vaginal bleeding but I told her they wouldn't do anything and to go to the GP. so she did that and now has an appointment at the hospital. Not sure how that's happened so quickly 👀 since I'm waiting myself to see gynaecology and have heard nothing....
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
TeethGrinder65 Nov 2022
Atta girl!
(0)
Report
Oceana, good work on the boundaries.

Bad luck at having a mom who is so self centered. I'm not sure that given her response to your disclosures of self-harm that I would be back in contact with her. Proceed with caution and protect yourself.

Why does a 65 year old need to be "taken" to an appointment with the gyn?

Juse for reference, I'm 69, took myself to the gyn on Monday via subway. I have pretty bad arthritis and HBP, but so does everyone else my age. We deal with it.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
JoAnn29 Nov 2022
When I went for my yearly exam at my PCP, I asked if they could do a GYN exam. (My "old" GYN retired) The answer was yes but pap smears were no longer a requirement at my age (72). I only needed the exam if I was having a problem. I was one happy camper.
(1)
Report
Oceana, I just went back and read through the whole thread.

You do realize your mom has some serious mental issues, yes? This is NOT normal behavior.

Read up on Fear, Obligation and Guilt. (F.O.G). It's a thing. "Mom does so much for me, but at a cost".

That's not how loving relationships work.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
BurntCaregiver Nov 2022
You are right about that, Barb. That is not how a loving relationship works. That's how a manipulative, selfish, gaslighting relationship works.
Nobody needs a relationship like that.
(2)
Report
See 2 more replies
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter