My husband has parkinsons and still wants to do things his way. He is falls frequently and has hurt himself - lots of cuts, scabs, wounds, and a few rib fractures. He often times doesn't listen to the helper, not matter who - family member or hired help. He accuses them of being lazy and asks them to do the impossible. I have told them if they quit, he will have to go to AL,.I feel sorry for the guy as he's bored and wants to socialize, travel, and do what he use to be able to do. Retirement with parkinsons is not easy.Any advice?
Your hubby should understand that SADLY he now falls in the category of somewhat of a BURDEN, much as you love him. That you need help. And that if you cannot get help into the home to RELIEVE YOURSELF then he may need to go into care, because you cannot continue being all the answers he needs you to be.
These things are inevitable. We--my partner and I--recognize very certainly that one of us will soon represent a burden to the other unless we are lucky enough to pass quickly and certainly all of a piece. But there will be no tip-toeing about the realities. They are what they are and they WILL BE honored, whether we like them or not.
I hate to say it but your husband probably would not be a good candidate for AL. It sounds like he would be at risk for getting up and leaving the building and even the grounds. This would put him at greater risk of getting injured.
Depending on the progression of his Parkinson's there are Travel Groups for people with Parkinson's. Some are day trips others are more vacation trips.
Something like this might be an option as the people leading the groups are familiar with Parkinson's and the rest of the groups would be more understanding of the limitations he might have.
If he's bored - what does he like to do that he can still do? Give him some busy work to keep his mind and hands busy.
Socializing - I like the suggestions for going to the senior center or adult daycare.
Travel is probably out of the question. I stopped taking my mom anywhere a few years ago. It was just way too much.
Good luck.
I would suggest an Adult Day Program but he might be a bit more active than most of those participants although I have seen programs where to do go on outings, have a wide variety of things for participants on all levels.
I have to ask is he also diagnosed with LBD? If so that might be part of the problem in understanding the need for caregivers as well as not understanding your "ultimatum" with the need for caregivers vs Assisted Living.
LBD is difficult as many medications given for anxiety can not be given to someone with LBD.
Some people never give up there control right to the end. I've given up on hoping mom will stop doing things she shouldn't. She will never stop and she will continue to keep hurting her degenerative spine, no matter how much I go and how much I do. It's probably her anxiety, but there is nothing more I can do. It is what it is.
It's horrible to watch , when you now what's best and they won't listen. There is only so much one person can do, specially when you are dealing with stubbornness.
🙏😞
And you would get back to just being his wife and advocate and not his overwhelmed caregiver.
I'm sure it's hard for any of us to have to give up our independence, thus why he's not wanting to listen to anyone.
And as far as the falling, that is going to happen regardless if he's listening to his caregivers or not. That's part of Parkinson's.
You have your hands full for sure, and it will have to come down to making decisions that are not only best for your husband but for you as well.
God bless you.