My husband died two years ago after a diagnosis of a very aggressive cancer. He lived less than three months. I did much better during his illness, death and the immediate aftermath. Now I am angry, anxious, depressed and lonely. I know he didn’t expect to die and I thought he would live “forever.” His mother is 99. He died at a very young 77. He left me with life insurance but no pension. Financial problems seem insurmountable. I miss him so very much. But I am angry at him, too. I count my blessings every day. But I have struggled with so much loss — my mother died a year after my husband. I was her caregiver until the end. I am just lost. All the online grief support groups charge fees. Does any know of any that don’t. I can’t even find a grief forum here. Thank you.
Enduring so much within a short time can be incredibly overwhelming. Condolences for all of your losses.
You mentioned you also lost a kitty, in addition to your hubby and mum. So, at this point, you've endured so much loss that the death of a houseplant will likely crush you. I hope that you 've found a support group of some kind, utilize google to find a free online group, they exist. Online forums, such as this one will help. So stay here, and keep posting and responding.
The only way to keep living is to always be thinking forward. Not through your previous life parameters, but redefined through the eyes of someone fixing things; what can be done to help your realtor sell your home, painting walls the popular gray online home-for-sale color, even if you don't like that color. It's the least expensive color, and best online color that boosts online imaging of for-sale-homes.
Move the focus away from what's missing onto focusing upon achieving your next thing to do. There's always something to do. Even if it's as simple as updating your voicemail greeting, or shoving laundry into a washing machine, or cleaning a sink, or...you'll formulate the idea. Hugs...
Financially, is a reverse mortgage possible, or bankruptcy? Bankruptcy, depending on your state would allow you to keep your home and vehicle, etc.In the end, it's Medicaid for everyone. My trust funded friend has one year remaining, she lives inside a facility.and will be eventually switched to Medicaid.
So, options exist, in comparison to how life operated a few years ago, the options are different, so perhaps re-framing things into being/thinking as a corporation trying to survive, might help.
Take the human element out of it and operating like as if were a business, helps remove anti-bankruptcy thinking.. It's how my trust-funded-friend survives; she's in her 80s protected/housed within a facility private-pay for now. But as she says eventually everyone enters Medicaid. And thus, she must operate her life in a survival mode, as if she were a business, by never looking back, maintaining shelter is her most important priority.
She says, looking back always equates to comparisons to her present very different life, now, so that's a bad idea. In 2019 the most important things she says are having shelter, food and care.
She doesn't forget the past, but she finds when thinking about how life was a few years ago, she starts getting sad, since it's quite different, meaning it's impossible to go back to her previous life, so it's best to not think about the past.
Thinking about losses only results in more sadness, and sadness is just bad.
Thinking and praying for you and your situation. May God grant you grieving mercies and strength during this difficult journey.
Hugs!
I have a friend that its been 2 yrs since she lost her husband and he was 63. I think she is just coming out of the grieving process and that is with help from close friends. You still had Mom so u really didn't have time to grieve.
"The 5 stages of grief and loss are: 1. Denial and isolation; 2. Anger; 3. Bargaining; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance. People who are grieving do not necessarily go through the stages in the same order or experience all of them."
You are in your angry part. The why me, why did u leave me with these problems, etc.
If you r having money problems, you may need help in sorting them out. See if your local Office of Aging has someone who can help.
I agree with Isthisrealyreal. Be a caregiver. You said yourself that you did much better while caring for your husband, during his illness. There are many people at the beginning of their changing life who would be so happy when you walk in the door to relieve them. You'll make a bit of cash, feel a sense of purpose, lose your fear for a few hours and fill a need for someone in stress.
I miss my Dad so much. Next week it will be a year. Seems like yesterday...
Grief endures and morphs. Your anger is expected. It's one of the stages of grief and there is no order and no timeline. It's your life and you'll go through it in your own way. We are here for you.
My best to you-
The local grief group run by the hospice was very helpful to me and to my husband, who joined in later, after we lost our daughter to suicide. I think one of the local churches (the biggest one here) also runs a grief group.
I favor a moderated group over an unmoderated one.
Best wishes to you!
The local grief group run by the hospice was very helpful to me and to my husband, who joined in later, after we lost our daughter to suicide. I think one of the local churches (the biggest one here) also runs a grief group.
I favor a moderated group to an unmoderated one.
Best wishes to you!
I bet it is hard for you being the one that everyone depends on to get them through the hard times. Always having to keep a stiff upper lip is no fun.
I wish I could just give you a great big long hug (((((((hug))))))).
You sound like a tough lady and you will get through this difficult journey. And I believe that you will be stronger on the other side.
Maybe you can start a group, you know you are not the only one grieving and financially unable to pay for help. Sometimes it's as simple as not having to paste a smile when you really want to be sad or need to be angry or whatever. Just being able to be, in a safe place.
My heart is with you today. May you find one thing that touches your heart in a positive way and gives you a heart felt smile.
Hugs!
I am sorry for your losses and I can imagine how hard it gets as reality sets in and then money becomes an issue. We can help you know how to look for local resources and some of the great members here will do research and name names for you.
Welcome and I hope you find a home here to help you get through this trying time.
Being a caregiver yourself, you no doubt have wisdom and advise you too can share.
Hugs, you have been through the ringer.