I and my grandmother live in California and she has late stage dementia for last 5 years. Besides that she’s very healthy physically, but I can’t handle it. The physical and emotional toll it has taken on me I can’t handle it anymore. I can’t afford memory care and we have no other family or anybody willing to help. I’m at my ends and I need a solution quick. The only issue is that My grandmother is not Eligible for Medical because of immigration status and only has emergency medical. She has turned violent sometimes, throws stuff at the walls or at me, breaks things, yells and cries and then forgets it. I feel trapped in my own home because I’m scared she will hurt herself. I find human waste from her in places where I rest. Clogs the bathrooms, hides my things, locks herself in so now I have to have a screwdriver in every room. I can’t go outside or she will scream on top of her lungs because she doesn’t want to be alone. I can’t handle it no more. What do I do?
Perhaps you can afford medications that will subdue her. Talk to her doctor if she has one. At this point there's really nothing much you can do. She planned for this stage of her life very badly. But if you can keep her sedated to make your life easier, I would give that a try.
You can make some calls to Hospice providers. They might have some cost options for those who can not afford services and are ineligible for Government Medicare or Medicaid (MediCal in California). Even if you have to find a way to pay for services, Hospice would provide strong medication which might keep your grandmother knocked out.
I'm so sorry your grandmother has made this your problem.
You may need to talk to an Elder lawyer or Immigration lawyer. Seems to me its not safe for you to have this woman in your home. Maybe she needs meds to calm her.
Perhaps the goal here is to get grandma a liquid prescription of Seroquel and Ativan that can be put into her food. Er workers would rather tack on a couple of refills so as to see her later rather than sooner.
Maybe the hospital will do a social admit (5150) and keep her hospitalized to try to medicate her so that she isn't so agitated and aggressive. But if she doesn't have Medicare or Medicaid... not sure the meds will be covered.
I'm so very sorry you've been put into this situation. If you find a solution please come back and tell us since you're not the only person to post about this dilemma.
I would call Area on Aging (211; 311) and immigration groups to verify what happens if a federally ineligible noncitizen is left in the er. Would they just stabilize her and call a cab to a homeless shelter?