Follow
Share

I and my grandmother live in California and she has late stage dementia for last 5 years. Besides that she’s very healthy physically, but I can’t handle it. The physical and emotional toll it has taken on me I can’t handle it anymore. I can’t afford memory care and we have no other family or anybody willing to help. I’m at my ends and I need a solution quick. The only issue is that My grandmother is not Eligible for Medical because of immigration status and only has emergency medical. She has turned violent sometimes, throws stuff at the walls or at me, breaks things, yells and cries and then forgets it. I feel trapped in my own home because I’m scared she will hurt herself. I find human waste from her in places where I rest. Clogs the bathrooms, hides my things, locks herself in so now I have to have a screwdriver in every room. I can’t go outside or she will scream on top of her lungs because she doesn’t want to be alone. I can’t handle it no more. What do I do?

Find Care & Housing
You can't afford a care facility for her, and she likely can't go back to her home country - or can she?
Perhaps you can afford medications that will subdue her. Talk to her doctor if she has one. At this point there's really nothing much you can do. She planned for this stage of her life very badly. But if you can keep her sedated to make your life easier, I would give that a try.

You can make some calls to Hospice providers. They might have some cost options for those who can not afford services and are ineligible for Government Medicare or Medicaid (MediCal in California). Even if you have to find a way to pay for services, Hospice would provide strong medication which might keep your grandmother knocked out.

I'm so sorry your grandmother has made this your problem.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to CaringWifeAZ
Report

Komboucha, is there no more bio family whatsoever? Or is it more like there are but they don’t want to get involved? Where is your parent that is her child? Where are the tios and tias? Your cousins? Call them up and remind them that if the family doesn’t help, abulita could be homeless especially now that she’s gotten violent. Undocumented used to use the phrase “nada para ti” decades ago when referring to benefits they weren’t eligible for. The retirement plan was more than just you. Where are your parents?
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to PeggySue2020
Report

You might want to contact an official in her home country to see if she can be transported there and taken care of. You need to protect yourself at this point.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to JustAnon
Report

So your grandmother does not have a greencard? If she does, how many years has she been here since getting her greencard?

You may need to talk to an Elder lawyer or Immigration lawyer. Seems to me its not safe for you to have this woman in your home. Maybe she needs meds to calm her.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
PeggySue2020 4 hours ago
If she’s only on emergency medi-cal, she is way removed from green card status. She is probably out of status entirely. California being a sanctuary state won’t call ice on her but won’t help her.

Perhaps the goal here is to get grandma a liquid prescription of Seroquel and Ativan that can be put into her food. Er workers would rather tack on a couple of refills so as to see her later rather than sooner.
(1)
Report
Kombucha, I’m sorry you’re in this very difficult situation. Thinking of you. Update us if you can.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to SnoopyLove
Report

Try taking her to the ER and telling them her behavior has changed and she might have a UTI but is refusing care. Don't tell them she has dementia since this is not considered a medical emergency. Make sure you tell the discharge planner that she is an "unsafe discharge" -- that you cannot care for her safely. Then ask to talk to a hospital social worker about getting her a court-appointed guardian.

Maybe the hospital will do a social admit (5150) and keep her hospitalized to try to medicate her so that she isn't so agitated and aggressive. But if she doesn't have Medicare or Medicaid... not sure the meds will be covered.

I'm so very sorry you've been put into this situation. If you find a solution please come back and tell us since you're not the only person to post about this dilemma.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Geaton777
Report
PeggySue2020 16 hours ago
Medi-cal has paused new enrollment on federally ineligible noncitizens on hold, meaning no skilled nursing or in home help or anything other than emergencies. It may well be that she will be discharged to a homeless shelter once she’s stable and deemed non emergent if you’re not around to care for her. If I were op I’d have an understanding of whether that’s the case before attempting an er drop off.
(0)
Report
See 2 more replies
California has paused new applications to medi-cal for federally ineligible noncitizen groups, which means either selling the house if she owns it to pay for memory care as it seems she is beyond the point of being able to return to her home country.

I would call Area on Aging (211; 311) and immigration groups to verify what happens if a federally ineligible noncitizen is left in the er. Would they just stabilize her and call a cab to a homeless shelter?
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to PeggySue2020
Report
Kombucha 20 hours ago
She owns no property, hasn’t worked in years. Nor has any social security
(1)
Report
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter