Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
I too share your pain and loss. My beautiful mom passed July 3 and I miss her so very much. I still cry and think of her often. Love much grieve much! Because I was her caregiver for 2 years, I still don't know what to do with my time. I remember all the things she said, and did. Because I am a piece of her, she will always be a part of me. A mother is such a special part of your life. My mom always spoiled me, and I tried to spoil her up until the end. Its so hard to let go, and I have to tell myself that I have thought of her enough for today. When I start to think about her, I get sad, because she is not here. I know that she is in a better place. I wouldn't want her back demented, but I miss her before the Alzheimer disease. A mother daughters bond is strong and the love is deep! I will always love my beautiful Rose!
I'm so sorry you've lost your Mom. I'm 80 years old, lost my Dad when I was 25 from a sudden heart attack and my Mom when I was 50, also from a sudden heart attack. I still have times of grieving for them both. Many days I miss my Mom's council and her quirky sense of humor and way of looking at happenings. They lived nearby and we were very close, chatting nearly every day. But I'm so grateful for all the years of living near them, sharing holidays and the births and caring for our 6 children. And I'm also grateful that neither one of them went through the long, agonizing death that many of our friends have suffered. I'm now caring for my 86 year old husband who has Alzheimer's, has had a debilitating stroke and has multiple other ailments. I don't think the "lost child" feeling ever goes completely away if we had parents we were close to and with whom we had a loving relationship. Bless you and I hope you find some solace in your memories, as I have. Shirley B
So sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. I cared for my mom for many years during which time I had health issues of my own and also a family to care for. She passed away 2 years ago in August. I still have days when I get teary just thinking about her. In a way she was like the child and I the parent when she was sick. She looked to me for everything and I always said that it was role reversal, and when she died, it was like losing a mom and a child at the same time. There is never a time frame for getting over the loss of a loved one, but in time, the memories of her and happier times will remain and the bad (or trying times during illness) will fade. Our moms will be in our hearts forever, and nothing can take that away. Just remember NORMAL is different for everyone. Hugs and prayers to you during this difficult time.
I lost my mother and she was mentally ill for 8 months leading up to her death. Yes, it feels like that at times - like you should have done more. But death is in God's hand and not ours. I recommend Griefshare - check out one around your house, they're support groups and churches all over host this wonderful ministry for those who recently (and not so recently) lost loved one.
sorry for your loss darling, it is normal to feel lost. I lost my mom 5 years ago and I still feel lost without her, its harder around holidays and birthdays. we would always spend the day out on either of our birthday's and enjoy a girls day out.
Yes, it's normal. I lost my mom six months ago, and the prior years leading up to her advanced stage I felt like she was my child, and a child in the enjoyable stages. After she died, I didn't know what to do with myself, I took care of her for so many years that my first question to myself was, now what do I do with my life. On the one hand, I have many good memories but on the other hand I have a huge hold that I fill by keeping busy, although it's a poor substitute but it is what it is. And don't expect to get over, but you will learn to live with it.
Whatever you are feeling is *normal* for you. Each person's experience of grief is unique. You may want to try this organization or something similar: http://www.communityhospice.org/services/grief-support/ May fond memories and inner peace comfort you.
My heart totally understands how you feel. I lost my mom about 1.5 years ago now and I was also her caregiver so my world didn't just get turned upside down from the loss of my mom and best friend. I was out of work too. At the same time my husband had an anxiety attach so I had no one to really talk to and I have all the things like the funeral and bills and other stuff all dumped on me! I struggled so much for what the next chapter in my life was...its better now but still is stressful and hard.
Sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad on September 16th and I was his caregiver for almost 18 years after my mom died and I took care of her before that and my heart still hurts and I cry a lot for both of them. I am getting better everyday, it just takes time but if you want to cry you need to let it out, scream out, I found this helps. You will always feel, could I have done more. But life goes on. I just want to be happy again.
I feel so deeply for you and others here who are experiencing these losses. I DREAD the loss of my mom, now 91, as I know it will be immensely difficult.
I have a friend who is still grieving the loss of her Mom three years in now, and she is unable to 'see' that it IS affecting her own health. We cannot put a 'timer' on what it takes for another to 'grieve', but as her friend, it is painful to see her lose herself. On top of that, she recently lost her brother as well. I cannot get her to seek help. She just is not 'ready' ....
My wish for you would be to seek out a support group locally to review coping strategies that you can relate to so that you don't fall into the same dark place as my friend. Call your local Area Office on Aging...or similar name...and/or try United Way..They will likely have some options you can review to see what 'fits' you and the time you have.
I will keep my own advice in mind. I've lost my father and brother as well, while caring for my Mom, but she wasn't as advanced in age or issues. Love hurts really deeply at these times. When we give so much of ourselves, and tend to the issues that elderly/dementia/physical insecurities bring, it is certainly normal to feel a mother/child relationship reversed.
Dear mic888, My sweet and childlike Mom died May 22nd. I cared for her in my home (with my husband), for four years until her death. She was like my little buddy, really. As things progressed, it definitely became like she was the child. I could no longer just lay out her clothes on the bed for her, and tell her it was time for her to get dressed. Rather I would have actually help her button things up, etc. When we went out and it was cold, I would put her hat on her, as she would think she didn't need one, and help her with her gloves, as she would try to put two fingers in one hole, leaving an empty one...which we'd laugh together about. We laughed about so many things. She was fun and sweet, and very compliant. She had vascular dementia related to her coronary artery disease. And that was what took her quite suddenly. It was heart related, but her dementia made her confused about what was happening, and the Doctors missed it. (it all happened too fast, creating panic and anxiety at the end.). Ever since she's been gone (almost 5 months now) I have an indescribable emptiness and an aching in my heart that will probably never really go away. She was with me all of the time, every little errand I went on, Mom was there. My sidekick. Now I try to go about my life and "act as if" things are fine, but they aren't. I'm deeply sad inside. I haven't changed my Mom's place (she had a living room, bedroom, and bath in our home) I love to go in there with her kitty who is with us and see her things as they were. I lay on her couch and read. I glance around at all of her things. It makes me feel her presence. I know how you are feeling, and my heart is with you in this grief and pain you most likely are feeling. I hope for you, and myself, that time will change the grief in a way that helps us think of the sweet memories, and not feel the wrenching punch in the gut that our beloved Mom is gone. I feel certain it will get better. I know our Moms would not want us to be so sad. But, for now....it just IS. Hugs to you, and prayers to keep you strong!
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom over a year ago and still miss her keenly. I try to remember that she is alive in my heart, and I talk to her, ask her advice, laugh with her, and talk about her with family and friends who knew and loved her. These are small comforts that keep me going; maybe they will be some comfort for you as well.
Radiator81... Somehow the fact that your siblings are keeping you from seeing your mom, doesn't seem right. I'd see an ombudsman or elder attny. Does anyone else have thoughts on this? I think you should be able to see your mother.
I think, when you've been primary care-giver for a loved one, especially when they've lived in your home, when they pass? You've lost your life. For whatever time she was with you (or down the street), she became the center of your universe. Now, after she's gone, you have to pick up where you left off and live your life without her. That can be very difficult to do.
I lost mom two weeks ago after caring for her in my home for over a year. As soon as I got home from burying mom 500 miles away as she wished, last Friday, I broke down her room and donated everything except photographs, her trinket jewelry and some little hair bows she used to wear.
Yesterday, I had her bedroom recarpeted (along with my other two), and am in process of making her room into a cozy den with a big flat-screen TV on the wall. Although it'd been "her room" for the 14 years I've lived here, t'll never be that again.
I intend to honor her memory by being happy. And by generously using the money she left me to make others' lives better. And my own. I started with her brother and wife, giving them a large gift to help them move closer to their children.
How are you going to honor your mom? How will you live the rest of your life now that she's gone? Are you going to get stuck in the grieving process? Do you think that's what your mom would've wanted? I sure know it isn't what my mom wants. I'll cry in private. A pleasant smell, certain foods, a sun-shiny day, the change of seasons -- will all remind me of the love I have for her, and always will. I'll put away the bad memories as quickly as I can, and go on -- knowing that we'll meet again.
I sincerely hope you can do the same. Keep busy and "act as if". It worked when I lost my husband. And it's working now . . .
I lost my Mom last Feb. to a disease that completely shred her of any dignity ( a woman who was always fastidious about her appearance and privacy). The stress of seeing her go through that and her eventual death has me feeling still so lost. It will lessen with time I know, and it will with you too. I try to remember her as the loving and amazing Mother she was and that does make me smile. I miss her every day.
Sorry for your loss. We become so close to the ones we are caring for. I have been caring for my mother 98% of the time for 4 years. She move next door to me after my father died and she has COPD, is on oxygen 24/7 and never made friends. She has actually said I'm her mommy and nurse now. I know when the time comes it will be very hard. They really do become our children.
My deepest sympathy to you and your family. My mom past away this past April, I took care of her until due to her Dementia and my health issues had to be placed into a nursing home. I still fine myself picking up the phone to call her, tip toeing past her bedroom as if not to wake her. When my dad past it was hard but to loose a mother its like a big peice of your heart and soul is ripped out. Your mother gave you life, cared for you then to have that part of you taken away is indescribable. The pain eases but there is still the void that will never be filled. So to answer your question, yes its normal. It means the love you two had for each other lives on even after death. May God give you comfort.
Your mom is at peace now. She would want you at peace too.
What your feeling is the normal grieving process. It will get less intense in time. I know when I lost my 2 daughter's-I got real upset hearing "I'm so sorry." Needless to say I will only tell you to feel & keep feeling to get through it. God's speed.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I have been care giving for my mother for 4 years and as AKAlicious says she is like my child- the roles completely reversed. I think about my mum passing almost every day, it is like I'm trying to prepare myself because I really don't know how I will cope when she does die (and she isn't even in hospice). The anxiety around it keeps me awake some nights. You must feel so proud and content that you cared for your mum though? I will never regret the sacrifices i have and continue to make to care for mine. Sending you lots of light.
I am so very sorry for your loss. What you are experiencing now and what you have been experiencing since her diagnosis is a traumatic crisis. Anyone in your experience would feel lost and alone after such a stressful time. I would highly recommend fining a good mental health provided to help you through this very significant loss and to process the trauma that you have experienced. I am saying prayers for you.
It's completely normal. My mother passed in March, so I've had a bit longer than you to deal with it. When you act as a caregiver for someone, they do in effect become your child. Non-caregivers who are parents seem to find it difficult to understand, but that is how I feel and how so many caregivers have felt. Good luck. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
My dad died in May 2013 and my heart hurts when I think of him everyday. I cared for him in my home except the last 6 months when he was in a nursing home.
Four months isn't a very long time. At almost a year and a half tears still spring to my eyes when I think about my dad.
It takes as long as it takes. And there's no destination. There's no place such as "When I'm Finally Over Losing My Mom" that you're trying to get to because you'll never get there. You have to live with the loss one day at a time.
I think any kind of grief is normal. When it becomes problematic is when it begins to affect our daily lives after a reasonable period of time. What's reasonable? I don't know. Are you able to get up in the morning, go about your day? Do you work? Do you socialize? Are you living with the grief or have you stopped living since the grief? That's when there's a problem, in my opinion.
I understand your loss. I was my mom's caregiver. She is still alive and my siblings have kept her from me after her fall and brain surgery. It is obvious that I will never see her again. I fell the loss and she is not even dead now. So, I feel your pain. The only thing I can think of is support and time. Best wishes.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Shirley B
http://www.communityhospice.org/services/grief-support/ May fond memories and inner peace comfort you.
I have a friend who is still grieving the loss of her Mom three years in now, and she is unable to 'see' that it IS affecting her own health. We cannot put a 'timer' on what it takes for another to 'grieve', but as her friend, it is painful to see her lose herself. On top of that, she recently lost her brother as well. I cannot get her to seek help. She just is not 'ready' ....
My wish for you would be to seek out a support group locally to review coping strategies that you can relate to so that you don't fall into the same dark place as my friend. Call your local Area Office on Aging...or similar name...and/or try United Way..They will likely have some options you can review to see what 'fits' you and the time you have.
I will keep my own advice in mind. I've lost my father and brother as well, while caring for my Mom, but she wasn't as advanced in age or issues. Love hurts really deeply at these times. When we give so much of ourselves, and tend to the issues that elderly/dementia/physical insecurities bring, it is certainly normal to feel a mother/child relationship reversed.
Heartfelt blessings and hope to you.
http://www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/wp20110301/you-will-have-a-yearning/#?insight[search_id]=f7c904b7-481c-4fe1-93ed-bea3d520c253&insight[search_result_index]=4
I lost mom two weeks ago after caring for her in my home for over a year. As soon as I got home from burying mom 500 miles away as she wished, last Friday, I broke down her room and donated everything except photographs, her trinket jewelry and some little hair bows she used to wear.
Yesterday, I had her bedroom recarpeted (along with my other two), and am in process of making her room into a cozy den with a big flat-screen TV on the wall. Although it'd been "her room" for the 14 years I've lived here, t'll never be that again.
I intend to honor her memory by being happy. And by generously using the money she left me to make others' lives better. And my own. I started with her brother and wife, giving them a large gift to help them move closer to their children.
How are you going to honor your mom? How will you live the rest of your life now that she's gone? Are you going to get stuck in the grieving process? Do you think that's what your mom would've wanted? I sure know it isn't what my mom wants. I'll cry in private. A pleasant smell, certain foods, a sun-shiny day, the change of seasons -- will all remind me of the love I have for her, and always will. I'll put away the bad memories as quickly as I can, and go on -- knowing that we'll meet again.
I sincerely hope you can do the same. Keep busy and "act as if". It worked when I lost my husband. And it's working now . . .
I miss her every day.
What your feeling is the normal grieving process. It will get less intense in time.
I know when I lost my 2 daughter's-I got real upset hearing "I'm so sorry." Needless to say I will only tell you to feel & keep feeling to get through it.
God's speed.
I think about my mum passing almost every day, it is like I'm trying to prepare myself because I really don't know how I will cope when she does die (and she isn't even in hospice).
The anxiety around it keeps me awake some nights.
You must feel so proud and content that you cared for your mum though?
I will never regret the sacrifices i have and continue to make to care for mine.
Sending you lots of light.
I'm sorry about the death of your mom.
My dad died in May 2013 and my heart hurts when I think of him everyday. I cared for him in my home except the last 6 months when he was in a nursing home.
Four months isn't a very long time. At almost a year and a half tears still spring to my eyes when I think about my dad.
It takes as long as it takes. And there's no destination. There's no place such as "When I'm Finally Over Losing My Mom" that you're trying to get to because you'll never get there. You have to live with the loss one day at a time.
I think any kind of grief is normal. When it becomes problematic is when it begins to affect our daily lives after a reasonable period of time. What's reasonable? I don't know. Are you able to get up in the morning, go about your day? Do you work? Do you socialize? Are you living with the grief or have you stopped living since the grief? That's when there's a problem, in my opinion.