My mom is only 70, but has advanced dementia. She is wheelchair bound, incontinent, does not speak, does not feed/bathe herself. Nothing. You can be right next to her trying to talk to her and she is just vacantly staring off. If you want her to see you, you have to get in her line of vision, and even then, she may not see you.
The guilt part...I very much want her to now be with the Lord. She has no quality of life and is a shell. She has voiced many times before she got sick that she never wanted that kind of life or to be a burden on her children. But my #1 reason for wanting her released is for myself, and #2 for her. She lives in a nursing home, as I am unable to care for her, or else I would. But all her affairs that I have to handle cause me great anxiety on a daily basis, that I am missing out on my own life and it's all I think about. Does this make me bad/selfish to feel this way? To want this for myself before her? I've been beating myself up over this.
If you are still feeling guilty, consider my case. I made a change to my mother's medicine, because I knew it was hurting her memory. (It was.) (I bypassed her doctor, who was convinced she had Altzheimers, and consulted a P.A. who I should have suspected was too inexperienced.) The change in my mother's medicine caused a heart attack, which after three weeks of living hell, killed her. She was completely functional up until the heart attack, driving and meeting friends at age 93. She trusted me. Now I will have to live the rest of my life with the thought that I killed my dear, sweet mother. So no, you haven't done anything wrong by wishing she would pass.
If you get a chance pray for me. I will say a prayer for you and your Mom.
My dad just passed and before he did, he responded well to music. His favorite was the old country music. When I put on his Ernest Tubb, he relaxed and I could see peace on his face. Try her favorite music.
Good luck to you sister in this journey.
I am about to embark on this care journey for my mother. I read your post and others' responses and still want to give it a shot. I am an only child and I have always been there for my mom so I feel I can't stop now when she probably needs me most. I realize she is in the beginning stages of it because she still recognizes my entire family, but cannot keep new memories or experiences. She eats breakfast and forgets that she ate soon after. She moves into my dining room this coming week. I am relieved she isn't very far, but also very scared as to what's coming down the road in my/our care journey. I can't wait to hear tips from everyone.