While cleaning out my mother's home, after she went to Assisted Living, I found both my grandfather and grandmother's Wills. My grandfather left me his car and my grandmother left me $2,000, neither of which I received years ago. I feel so hurt and betrayed that my mother would be so greedy as to keep this. She was always a bit shady and secretive. Now she has dementia. How do I get closure for such horrible behavior from my mother?
Consider the value of the car plus the $2K - is it worth taking the will to probate court to pass out the assets listed?
Chances are the money was spent on your grandparents care. Getting older is not cheap. I know it was a real eye opener when my parents needed help. It was costing my Mom $12,000 each month to be in long-term-care, and at that rate it can empty the best planned rainy day fund. Heck, $2,000 could be used up in just Depends products alone.
Or your grandparents could have written a new Will and never tore up the old one. If one of my relatives had gotten their hands on my parents previous Will it would have been a nightmare as that Will was filled with what I call landminds. Dad was giving away stock to various relatives, most of whom had since passed and the Will didn't say if one had passed then it is divided equally to the remaining relatives. That meant I would have had to search for heirs of relatives I never knew, and probably heirs my parents never met. Whew, glad they updated their Wills.
Therefore, many different things could have happen.
After my father died, my mother who had dementia and had suffered many mini-strokes before a year later when she had her big stroke,,, she was so angry,,,she threw away all Dad's things without consulting us, his children. It was only by God's Grace that she did not know of his storage space which I found and cleaned out while in the process of getting her into a facility. If you are the POA, you may be allowed to pay yourself legally and get back the value of the car and the $2000. Good luck. Are there any other sibs who were also treated so shabbily? Dementia really IS the demon that you should hold accountable. My mother had no control over it. She was helpless. It changed her into someone we never ever knew.
My Dad told me that:
"at the end of the day people do whatever they think will help them survive...even though the behavior may seem outrageous or crazy to us"
So your Mother rationalized her dishonesty by telling herself "she was struggling and you were okay".
Its all water under the bridge now. No going back. Now is time to appreciate the love your Grandparents had for you. They loved and remembered you sweetly
And forgive your Mother, for yourself mostly, and her also.
Your Mother has a long hard road in front of her I feel.
If they weren't filed, then there's nothing you can do except just realize that it was a car and a small amount of cash. It was a nice thought, but don't let it drive you nuts. You know your mom was capable of doing this, I suppose, so don't let this bother you anymore than anything else crummy she's done.
An inheritance is NOT something to which you are entitled. It is a gift and should be looked on as such. There are a million different reasons why people leave differing sums of money to their heirs. And why a LOT of people write family completely out and have their attorney handle the disposition of funds.
My mom has held "your inheritance" over my head all my adult life. $9K isn't going to make a wave in my life and never would have. But to her and dad, I guess a $50K life insurance policy seemed like a lot.
My 5 kids are all better off than we are, financially. I mean, 3 of them are flippin' millionaires in their 30's and 40's. They DO NOT need the money.
We will adapt/adjust our will as we age. Specific things I have promised grandchildren have been listed and accounted for. Will they want some small figurine in 20 years to remember me by? Who knows.
I inherited nothing from either set of grandparents but a couple of small household items.
My mother has 'promised' her antique bedroom set to no fewer than 4 of the family. It's ridiculous.
I'd learn to let go. I, too, was promised a car...and it is so old and beat up--brother just recently sold it for $500. And I didn't care.
This anger is weighing you down--you need to let it go and just accept that mom is what she is and live with that.
It is likely that this was a home-made will - lawyers are unlikely to write in specific bequests that may not be there when the testator dies. If so, your grandparents may easily have made more than one - my father got his rewritten many many because it gave him a kick!
If the money had to be spent to pay down money owed, the mother should have shown the will to the daughter and informed her of why, there was no money to give.
In Australia Wills for estates with any assets have to be probated, that involves lodging the original signed Wills with a government department. Only after Probate can bequests be handed out. By law the car would have had to be re registered in your name and to do that a special certificate would be required.
There is always the possibility that your grandparents did not have any assets when tbey died. That is the other explanation for the two Wills being found together. No assers, no probate required.
If you cannot move on it might be worthwhile contacting the relevant authority to see if either grandparent did in fact have an estate. You might have to pay some search fees, but it would answer a lot of questions. If you neex to give a reason just say it is for family history research.
Move on , make your own money and save for your retirement!