For over 5 years I have been the caregiver for my mom. My brother has done nothing to help. As soon as he found out that I recently obtained POA and was selling Mom's house to pay for her care at memory care/assisted living, he now is threatening to bring me to court for bogus claims. He said I have been hiding things. Mom's financial statements have always been in the top drawer of her desk. He never chose to look at anything or had any complaints, but now that Mom's house is on the market and there is money involved (I am also the realtor) he expects me to give him half of my commission because he says that is his share! Unreal! He also wants to see all offers, etc. I have begged him for help with mom for years and he never even bothered to go see her. My question is does he have any legal rights to see the power of attorney and be making financial decisions on her behalf? At this point, all I care about is my mom. She just got out of rehab for a month. I am staying with her until her house sells and then she is going to live with me until there is an opening in assisted living. All he cares about is his share. He disgust me. All the proceeds of the house are going towards her care. He is threatening that he is going to get a lawyer after me if I don’t start showing him everything. Does he have a legal right to her financial documents?
No, your brother is not entitled to any proceeds from the sale of house.
No, you do not have to disclose anything to brother.
You as mom's POA have the responsibility to act according to the POA document. As POA, you act for mom because she gave you that authority. Mom's finances are not anyone's business.
He's only entitled to whatever mom leaves him in her will AFTER she dies, if there's anything left.
Unless he has proofs of financial abuse, he's got nothing. No decent lawyer is going to take his bogus case.
If he manages to get a lawyer, you should find yourself one as well, and pay with mom's money, not yours, because you're doing it to protect mom's assets.
Sorry it is late but I will be a little more polite. Your brother has no say to anything covered under the POA or how you help your mother under it. Hold your head high knowing you are doing right.
And saying that “he is going to get a lawyer” reveals that his threats are hot air.
Thanks to his boundless boldness, he has lost the courtesy of the information he has threatened you to get.
This is not IN ANY WAY an unusual situation, as tragic as that seems.
In MY area, legal fees for this kind of “problem” are the responsibility of the patient. Wing cared for, so the ultimate result of Bro’s blathering is actually REDUCING HIS CUT.
DON’T ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE VICTIMIZED. Take care of your mom and her affairs, and yourself.
Bro will ultimately get what he deserves.
After 5 years, one must ask why this wasn't arranged/discussed at the outset when mother may have had more of her faculties to make the appointment with some conviction.
Of course you have been making sacrifices to care for her, but perhaps raising this with your complacent siblings prior, and using this argument to support your intention to become POA, could have been better received or at least given them right of reply. They would be feeling you have gone behind their backs (conveniently ignoring your contribution, no doubt!).
Since mother may not have been of sound mind, it does raise concerns, and despite your being the caregiver (albeit at the behest of your father), it isn't quite the same thing as the appointment dictates.
The tricky thing is how you managed to legally manage your mother's affairs before you obtained POA - and this may be the essence of brother's protestation.
I certainly don't believe you have taken advantage of the situation, but it is important to follow due process and meticulous records need to be kept for any impending inquiry - including the 5 years beforehand where your authority may come under scrutiny.
The issue over commission is valid - not that you owe him half, but it may be wise to engage a different agent to objectively obtain market value without blurring the lines. For instance, if you sold your own house, would you consider the commission as yours and not added to the proceeds of sale? The link to family makes this a delicate area to navigate.
While I agree that you can dig your heels in and stand firm (and I wouldn't blame you for that either), it may only be inflaming the situation.
As family, I think they are entitled to a copy of POA, and in a show of good faith, it would be helpful to advise house sale receipt (would mother have divulged this information in happier times?) and any significant financial changes that have been made - accountability should provide reassurance.
There is a certain duality in being POA - as family, you want to do the best you can to ease the burden; but as POA, you are an agent selflessly and objectively acting as mother would have done were she capable, irrespective of the conduct of her children.
I read your profile and previous post. You've been staying with your mother 2 weeks out of every month, and you state that your marriage is breaking down (you wrote this last month).
Are you sure you are ready to have your mother live with you until there is an opening in Memory Care?
You mention a sister who also does nothing. How is it that you became the one who went to live with your mother for 2 weeks out of every month?
Are you also the Executrix of your mother's will, or successor trustee of her trust? Does her will split everything equally between you and your siblings? Does your mother have the funds to afford Memory Care? How long are the waitlists?
I do see a conflict of interest in you being the realtor. But, your brother is not entitled to any of your commission. You really don't need to take ur share just let it go towards the proceeds of the house. Make sure you get Market Value in case Mom needs medicaid in the next 5 years. Place the proceeds in separate account. Never co-mingle ur money with hers. Always have a paper trail. Pay her bills by check. This way her bank statement will show money going in and out. If you purchase things for her on ur credit card or out of pocket, write yourself a check once a month keeping the receipts in an envelope with the check # and date on outside.
I love it when people come out of the woodwork when they think there is money to be had. As said, brother can get nothing until Mom passes and then that is determined by the Will. Hope ur the Executor. Your POA actually does not allow you to reveal Moms financial status. You can say everything is fine but do not need to reveal any particulars. You represent your Mom, if she wouldn't tell him either should you. In my opinion, her paperwork may have been in a drawer but that does not give him the right to go thru it.
Always remember... as the POA your Mom has put you in charge. I did get a brother involved when I needed to make a big decision but in the end as POA I made the final decision good or bad.
Let brother get a lawyer, its not cheap. He could override ur POA by trying to become Moms guardian but again not cheap to get. And he really gains nothing if he thinks he is entitled to the piece of the pie. Because as guardian he reports to the State. He must show that Moms money is being used for her care. In an AL she is going to put out 60k to over 100k depending on where u live. A NH at least 10k a month. So not much left over for an inheritance. If Mom eventually needs Medicaid, there will be no inheritance.
Let him call APS. You are only responsible for her money once your POA came into effect. Actually, this could be a good thing on ur part because you will prove to them that Moms money is being used for Mom. Next time he tries to complain they will investigate but figure he is a trouble maker.
Call brothers bluff. Tell him "do what you have to do". Let him pay a lawyer to only find out that you have done everything on the up and up. That there is nothing he can do because he is not entitled to anything until his Mom passes.
My SIL was her Moms POA. She was able to sell her Moms house for a pretty good price. After closing her sister asked her when she was getting her share of the proceeds. My SIL told her "Mom is not dead and its her money for her care." Really, you have to winder about the way people think.
That said, no, in my humble opinion, he has no rights, but that doesn't mean he can't make accusations without any basis in fact. He can accuse you of elder financial abuse and take you to court. Your Mom's estate, as you are now managing it, pays the costs IF/WHEN you win. He has ZERO right to her financials and in fact YOU have a FIDUCIARY DUTY to your Mom; YOU have NO RIGHT to share her information without her competently given permission. As your Mom is not competent you cannot get a competent permission to share.
YOU should not be the realtor in this sale. PERIOD. Any commission you would get as realtor is self-enrichment on your Mom.
You badly need to see an elder law attorney. Again, you cannot guess on these things. The Fiduciary duty of being POA is considered by the court almost a sacred duty. Not knowing is not enough of a defense.
While you are serving as Financial POA have you been keeping meticulous records of every penny in and every penny out? Files? Can you law these before an APS person who comes to investigate you if your bro reports you? If so they will tell him he has no case and advise him against suit almost certainly. Again, hire a realtor. Sell at best price. Get your Mom great care, and be proud of your service to your Mom. Tell bro to go pound sand. That not only WILL you not show him anything, but you would be violating your POA to share your Mom's personal information with him.
And no, of course he doesn't get a penny. You could be sent to jail for giving your Mom's money to your brother. And for taking it yourself.
If you don't know that, then, again, it is very important you see a lawyer to understand your duty as POA before you go any farther in all of this. SEE A LAWYER.
I agree with JoAnn that there is no harm in showing him the POA. But check that out with the attorney as well. But I REALLY agree with her that you do NOT have a right to be the realtor on this.
I consulted the attorney who did my father's POA because I had the same question. He told me that because I was named POA, I had the full legal authority to act as if I was my father and on his behalf with no explanation required to my siblings.
He cannot make any decisions on your mother's "behalf" if you are the one who has her legal POA to make her financial and healthcare decisions. Your brother has no legal right to anything while your mother lives and your POA is valid.
POA expires when a person passes away though. If your brother is named in the will as an heir, he will have a right to whatever his inheritance is if all of the money and proceeds from assets did not go to the care facility.
Unless his name is on the POA documents, you do not have to show him anything or explain anything to him.
He is as they say, blowing it out of his a$$ because there is nothing he can legally do.
You however can make your life a whole lot easier and show him your paperwork. You should. Make him a copy to refer to for the next time he wants to run his mouth and make threats.
Once house is sold, you will need to keep very good records from deposit of sale and monthly expenses for her care to avoid problems with him and/or medicaid (if she runs out of money).
As long as you stay on the up-and-up with how her monies are spent now and in the future, you should be able to survive the scrutiny of any atty that he decides to hire in the future regarding his claims about you.
You getting a commission on you selling moms house as POA could be an issue. An attorney, preferably a CELA, can guide you through the process and how to do this legally. Probably the same attorney that drew up the document can help.
I am so sorry that your brother is being a jerk and making this difficult situation worse.
I never questioned if you were being ethical. I recommended checking your state laws to know what you could do without getting in trouble. Because the laws protecting anyone from a fiduciary have teeth.
Well done getting the house sold quickly and above asking.
Now to get made whole. I recommend having mom's account directly pay the expenses. There is no reason this transaction should have cost you money.
I still recommend doing research to completely understand what your responsibilities, rights and the laws governing a POA. Typically a few statutes, 1 hour reading should cover it and that's with looking up words.
You have enough on your plate trying to help your mother. Very sorry he is adding to your stress. From experience, when your Mother is gone, you will feel good that you did everything possible for her.
You are teaching your children how to care for an elderly parent.
If you are realtor and get a commission, you may be opening door to investigation by Adult Protective Services. Probably not as they are grossly understaffed and underpaid. If it were my mother, I would take no commission to be on safe side.
Make sure to track expenditures and income carefully, and maybe have someone do the taxes. Having a program like Quicken or even a written ledger or spreadsheet would help.
Have the attorney who prepared the POA ensure its legality and explain the brother wants to contest your authority under the POA.
Organization is the key. Also, remind brother that the funds are not his, but his mother’s money and intended for her support and maintenance. There is no guarantee that there will be anything remaining once she passes. If he sues, he will need a good reason to sue, because he hasn’t done anything to care for her in the last 5 years and doesn’t know her situation. It will be his own money he is spending and why does he want to waste hers, because that is what will happen? Who will he sue? You? His mother? Can you sit down with him and your mother and show him where the money is going and what the plan is? Can you ask him to step up and do some work? Can your mother tell him to bug off or is she not able to do that? Were you able to get a medical mental competency when the POA was prepared? Sometimes that can do an end-run around any contesting.
It is too bad he is so confrontational. He doesn’t know how expensive, hard, frustrating and time consuming caregiving can be when obstacles like the ones he is throwing up are there.
I am sorry for your struggle and wish you the best.
With that said, I wanted to maintain an amicable relationship with my brother so agreed to the following:
1. I would send him a quarterly review of the finances. I just take a picture of statements.
2. As there were other incidental costs outside of the cost of care, I would pay myself $250 a month for incidentals. This covers things like her clothes, favorite foods, etc. As these are usually small amounts, it was easier for me to just pay these, rather than track everything down to the dollar.
3. I provided him with a forecast on how long her money would last and what would happen if she ran out of money. I did this as I wanted him to realize that care is incredibly expensive and it is unlikely he will get any large inheritance. We have already spent over $200k on care and any inheritance is dwindling quickly.
I put all of this in writing and had it notarized.
In regards to getting commission for selling your mother's house. He has no right to say anything providing you are paying yourself a market recognized commission. You are doing your job, for which you are trained. You will do a better job than anyone else selling your mom's house as you love your mother and want the best for her. You can seek legal advice, but legally you have a right to work, do your job, and get paid accordingly. I can guarantee your mother would have selected you as her agent if she wasn't moving into memory care.
and you're soooo organized mountaingyrl :).
sometimes (even though you're not at all obligated), it's indeed wise to be transparent, as you are with your brother, to prevent future fights.
That is a definite conflict of interest. If you were not Mum's POA, it is just bad taste to benefit financially as her daughter, but as POA you have a fiduciary responsibility to not profit from your POA duties.
I suggest you talk to the lawyer who drew up the POA documents and figure out how to fix this asap.
The only way I would put him an a P.O.A. is if it states his SPECIFIC duties and decision making. You both need to go to a lawyer and hash this out.
Mountain girl had the best advice. You can't let emotions carry the day. All kids are entitled to their parents estate if it is the parents request. If no will, the TWO of you need to sit down with a lawyer, and take your parent to speak about her will. Our lawyer said that my Dad may have had dementia, but he knows what his heart wants.
a) It is confidential. If your mother had wanted it made available to him she could have said so at any time.
b) Your mother gave you power of attorney so that you could manage her decisions for her. If she had wanted your brother either to do this or to be involved in, for example, monitoring financial activity, again she had every opportunity to say so.
The tempting response would be "eff off a.hole" but don't be tempted. If he wants to see the POA documentation it might save a lot of trouble just to send him a copy, but he has no right to the rest of it. You are certainly accountable for your actions as POA - and professionally no doubt as a realtor - but you are not accountable to *him*.
Make sure EVERYTHING is properly documented and recorded. People with real authority may come asking legitimate questions and you want to be ready regardless of any steps your brother does or doesn't take.
But I agree that there probably are relevant ethical guidelines, and I'd suggest asking whichever professional body the OP belongs to what they are for realtors.
And whatever else - the brother does NOT get half the fee for sitting on his behind and whining about it!!!
I, personally, would not take my cut of the proceeds. Just itemize and reimburse my costs in promoting, etc. Then tell my brother and anyone else they can have their share of my profit, which will be ZERO.
It never ceases to make me sick when people feel entitled to an inheritance, especially when a person is still living. Gaaaggaag!!
You get to see peoples true colors when the chips are down...but my guess is you already knew this about your brother. I certainly knew it about mine.
My advice is to continue to make good decisions and care for your mom and ignore your brother. If he has the money and the gall to haul you to court, just take all of your documentation and simply tell the judge that things are being managed for your mom and your brother is unaware of all the details because he has chosen not to assist.
You don't work for your brother. He has three options...he can help and therefore be in the loop, he can say thank you for all that you are doing or he can shut the hell up.