I’m burned out & being told I need to be supportive. Has anyone else been told such a thing?

(((hugs))) to you as a welcome

To the Physio who told you to "be more supportive". Just nod & smile. This person does not get the depth of your situation.

I want to change their suggestion to 'more support - for YOU'.

Put your own oxygen on first is always the emergency plan right?

You are NOT responsible for your Mother's anxiety. You didn't cause it. You cannot fix it. It is not up to you to smooth her every mood.

You are only responsible for your own mental health. Putting in boundaries, lowering contact that is harmful to you IS looking after yourself & needed. Self-care.

What you can do for Mother is point out to her medical team that she is not coping.
A good Physio will be holistic - taking in the wider view. Referring their patient to other supports as needed.

Calling 911 when someone leaves the room & 'help me' in the night is communication : probably fear.

Many posters have found that behind the anxiety/fear/behaviour changes were medical issues not yet diagnosed. Small strokes & heart issues being the usual suspects.

Have you got any good support for yourself in place already? Other family, friends, councillor? Hopefully we can help too ☺️

Oh, my, yes.

If I had $1 for every time I was blamed (totally, or in part) for upsetting mother, I could pay off my car!

Mom played the victim all my growing up years. I remember my grandma chastising us kids for 'not helping your poor mother'---and I was about 6 at the time. 6. What the heck was I supposed to DO?

Mom blamed us kids for every.single.thing that went wrong in her life. She threatened suicide to get us to ''stay in line'. 4 of of my sibs just basically ignored her, but I took it to heart and lived in fear that she would indeed do this and it would be all my fault.

Her mental illness was never addressed. She had profound and untreated depression and anxiety. I understand that now. But as a child--the fear, unrelenting, that my mom would kill herself would have me waking up in cold sweats all my life until I married and left home and 'grew up'.

Her Dr never told us to 'help out' more, or whatever, but I remember sitting in on a visit she had with him and she was just crying and crying b/c we kids were 'driving her insane'. I sat there like a dummy. The Dr just gave her more Valium and whatever else she wanted and told me to try to understand how hard her life was. WTH? He knew she was 'untreatable' as it were and knew she wasn't totally honest with him, but this was the late 60's and it was what it was..

As she aged and we all left home, she began to be 'better'. Basically she should never have had children and she had 6.

She passed away 2 months aago at the age of 92. We were on OK terms, but I have struggled a lot with depression b/c I feel like she died before we could come to a meeting of the minds, as it were.

Most Drs try to get a read on the 'home situation', and as they do, they become better drs. Some don't have that quality.

You can't MAKE somebody understand your situation. Just say "well, you don't live with me or her and I am doing my best." Then let it go.

She probably needs a psych eval and appropriate meds for her anxiety. Mom never txed hers and was so proud of that.

All 6 of us kids were/are on antidepressants. Go figure. 4 of us have been in therapy.

My aunt was acting exactly like this when her Alzheimer's has gotten pretty advanced. Her phone had to be taken out of her room in AL for calling 911 repeatedly. My cousin was told the next time her mom called 911, they'd be sending out a BILL to cover the costs associated with all the wasted time. My cousin immediately removed her mother's phone and that was the end of the 911 "emergencies" that weren't emergencies at all.

It's interesting the nursing director is onto your mother's shenanigans, yet the PT called to shame you about not being supportive enough of her? I would have had a serious Come to Jesus meeting on the spot with that PT who obviously has no experience with manipulative elders! Ugh, ridiculous.

Then I'd have a Come To Jesus meeting with mom and tell her she's THIS-CLOSE to getting kicked out of AL. Which means it's off to Skilled Nursing next and that scene will be way less comfy for her than the current set up. So cut the crap NOW mom or you'll tie my hands to the point I'll be unable to rescue you this time. It's time to pull on your big girl pants and play by the rules now. Walk on your own, stop calling 911 or get your phone removed and then off to the hospital you go for a psych evaluation. Because anyone in her right mind DOES NOT EVER DIAL 911 unless there is a real emergency, and that includes YOU mom. If you continue painting a picture of me being The Devil, then I'll also have to stop coming by to visit and help you. Your choice how this plays out.

Forget about getting over the PTs advice, and focus on what the next move will be for mom if she doesn't cool it and fly right.

Call her PCP also to make him aware of this outrageous behavior and get his advice. Are meds called for? A psych evaluation he can order for her? A session with a geriatric psychiatrist? Mental illness is obviously at play here, so the question is how to dx it and then treat it.

For your sake, keep notes of all the ridiculous behavior so if/when the time comes, you'll have a journal of how she's gone downhill which could help the doctors with a diagnosis. Your mother is in managed care, so you don't have to anything for her at the moment. Look after yourself is my suggestion, and take a breather from all the histrionics she's caused for so long. I had a mother like this and was dealing with her from 2011 - 2022, but she DID have dementia. As an only child, my parents whole lives were in my hands and it was A LOT even though they were in AL. I get it.

Sending you a hug and a prayer for a solid plan of action and very strong boundaries to deal with a VERY difficult mother. Tough love is best way to go, in my experience. If you give these women an inch, they'll take 5 MILES! Then your health is in the toilet while she's playing the innocent "What Me?" card. 🙄

In what world is a PT an expert in psychology or psychiatry?

Why did they DARE to give you advice in this area?

They have NO IDEA what you have been through, and need to stay in their lane. A PT gets to advise you on gross motor movement, and other things in their areas of expertise. THAT’S it.

Throw their advice into the trash, where it belongs.

Your mother is mentally ill.

Send the PT to talk to the Exec Director.

Have your mother seen by a geriatric psychiatrist for meds, and possibly a psychiatric hospitalization for a full work up of her outlandish behavior.

Has she had a full neuro-cognitive workup (as in 3-4 hours of paper and pencil testing by a geriatric neuropsychologist)? Not a 10 minutes SLUMS or similar dementia screening?

I think you might also benefit from finding yourself a good therapist who can be a support to you during this trying time.

(((((Hugs))))) and welcome!

Yes I am the same way

My mom is controlling and bossy and I just want to get away from her as soon as possible!

I want to wear off-the-shoulder and strapless dresses, drink a LITTLE alcohol and learn how to drive

Luckily my mom changed her mind about the dresses but the other stuff might take a while to convince her

That's pretty rich, PT telling you that! I would consider complaining about his inappropriate suggestion to you to his superior. Not OK, not at all.

I came across the term 'Fragile Narcissistic' on the forum once - describing a certain type of dependant personality. Some people are just more dependant on others, for solid things like housing, money or for emotional needs. Lack skills, confidence, were delt a fairly poor hand in life & had to battle. Many reasons.

The Fragile Narc was that extra layer on top.
Narcisstic: always all about them.
Fragile: very limited self-soothing skills.
Prone to emotional upsets of grandious scales. Lack of resilience I suppose it could be called.

Needed some good hard chats when younger. Now stop that. Settle yourself, chin up, march on! (When they really can't, roll into a ball for a bit then try again) Taking responsibility for their own feelings seems to be the underlying thing. Not just spew it outwards & expect the world to swallow it for them.

Yes, I’ve been treated that way by a doctor who had no idea what had been going on previously or how much responsibility I’d been dealing with. Hands-on caregiver for almost three years and he was ordering me to do this and that, which was physically impossible. Thank goodness I didn’t have to deal with him for very long. Don’t take some of these people seriously, though I know it’s hard.

You get ‘be more supportive’ again, my suggested response would be ‘that’s not possible’. Followed by ‘If you think that she needs more support, please provide it as part of her physical therapy’. Repeat. ‘I cannot be more supportive than I have been for many years. My only option at this point is to be much less supportive. Please deal with this in your PT’.

InlandMeg, congrats on meeting a complete blowhard of a PT! What nerve! Really reminds me of the old saying about walking a mile in someone else’s shoes before judging them. Clearly, this person has no clue. Hoping you can overlook the ignorance and move on in finding the best plan for mom. Sorry for your experience in this

I was told something similar by a nurse. Not so much directly but indirectly, if that makes sense. I made it clear "I cannot take anymore! I have been putting up with this my entire life. I am not young anymore. " After taking a good look and coming to the realization that my mother has SIX people at her disposal, I walked away. I am stilling living in the aftermath and have started therapy (something I have never done) for my ever declining mental state. People that don't have demanding, narcissist parents always have the "Just do this, just do that" answer. Well, let me tell you, it just isn't that simple! Not with these types!
Do what you have to do to take care of yourself. As long as your mom has care and is safe, YOU first. If you can't take care of you, you will be nothing for her or anyone else. Walking around the shell of a person you used to be, will benefit no one. Remember this: Your mom is in the latter years or possibly months of her life. You still have years left and a future ahead of you. Don't forego your life and mental health so that she is comfortable. It sounds like she won't be no matter what. It may seem selfish, but your own health will suffer if you do not stop, rest and breathe, do nice things for yourself and schedule her on your calendar around your life; not vice versa. We will survive this but we have to take charge to ensure a good and healthy mental and physical state for ourselves. Good luck!!

First of all, you need to back off from your mother with her mental problems to better care for yourself. Your mother's problems are not your fault. From what I read, she needs a psychiatrist for treatment and you need your own professional for therapy to help with your trauma.

I'm now sharing that my own late mother suffered bipolar with her out -bursted anger all her life, and I would not take any fuss-budgeting from her when things did not go her way. Back in 1946 to 56, she was responsible for her marital breakup and forcing six of us kids splitting up into foster care because no other family was available, and we all had our own behavioral problems from neglect. Even today, I still suffer dysfunctional family dynamics from their lack of or no communication at all, even after her death at age 95, eight years ago. My father, who had been too close to his late mother with his own trauma, let alone spend quality time with us then small kids and babies, died at age 91 in April 2014, 7 months before my mother passed.

First “suggestion” - it is YOUR JOB to stop hearing what ANYBODY SAYS, without taking the time to examine the input and assessing how the “helpful suggestions” serve to increase the balance between the LO you care for and meeting your own needs for self care.

Second “suggestion” - respectfully BUT FIRMLY indicate to people suggesting that you be more “supportive” that, while you are considering their input, you are simultaneously exploring medical intervention to help manage her anxiety AND YOURS. Also say you have been told (I’m TELLING YOU)- that adjustment to an AL setting sometimes can take months(!) and that you’d like to know what they think she needs in addition to your loving support.

Third “suggestion” - YES YES YES- get a recommendation FROM THE nursing director of the AL for a GERIATRIC PSYCHIATRIST, neurologist, or psychologist (one who can prescribe), and have a thorough work up done ASAP. it sounds as though previous attempts at medical intervention have been like trying to kill a flea with a bulldozer. Request that small doses of calming medications be TRIED for reasonable amounts of time before attempting to change her living situation again.

Fourth “suggestion” - distance yourself as much as you can from the “feeling” part of caring for your mother and instead become her “project manager”. My own mother, whom I ultimately learned to truly cherish and love dearly, was a hopeless agoraphobic who often baled on her responsibilities toward me, and gave my care to her 4 sisters. I was raised with the belief that her problem was my fault, caused by my honestly horrifying entry into the world.

I learned in my thirties that she was actually better off when she had to cope with my marriage and growing family as part of her landscape, and we formed a team that endure comfortably to her death at 95, in a wonderful residential setting that she loved,

You are worth the trouble, and you can do this. Cultivate a CANVAS HIDE, practice emotional separation, and soldier on.

You are suffering from " caregiver exhaustion". You deserve and need proper self care. You , your health and life are important.
See your own physician for needs, access appropriate support for yourself, for example a faith based clergy or counselor, a social worker or chaplain at the facility or in the community.

As for " advice" given from PT, you can give yourself permission to do with it what you want: ignore, speak with facility administration re the discipline's statement and the inappropriateness in your case etc etc.

Limit your visit frequency and length of visits with your mother as you wish. Shorter visits are often more quality visits. When your mother
" acts out" as you are describing, if you are present and she is safe, redirect the conversation or gently disengage the visit with something like " love you, Mom, see you soon" and leave. If your mother is cognitively appropriate as you say she has been assessed as so, she should begin to get the idea that negative behavior is not rewarded and positive behavior is. Have her assessed by geriatric specialist to confirm her mental state.

Do not let anyone, including staff, or your mother guilt trip you ...

Hi , I can relate totally . The only difference with my mom is everyone agrees with me !. My mom portrays a very sweet old lady for strangers but the Jeykll and Hyde personality come out with me . She is extremely draining and debilitating , my health is going down hill because of her . I suggest you support by making a schedule to go and see her, this way if something happens to her you don’t feel guilty . When you are in the right frame of mind keep the visit , if you are having a bad day skip the visit and go the next scheduled day . Be kind to yourself and don’t let her shananigans leave you feeling guilty . I am seriously looking into a second day with my current caretaker coming over , I only have her once a week now , otherwise I will monthly put her in respite it’s unbearable !

They want you to be more "supportive" so that they can do less. They want you to be there to push her around in a wheelchair, for one thing, to free up staff. Question -- if her only asset is her home (read that in another post), how is she paying for the ALF? Did you sell her house?

I got annoyed when my mother's PT in rehab would sometimes let her call me so that she could go on a delusional rant that the rehab was trying to kill her.

Do you have POA/HCPOA?

My heart aches for you. You have done more than enough and those words from ‘professionals and friends’ are uncalled for. I wish I had a solution. Hugs to you.

You do not need to be supportive. You have her in AL so they can support you to take care of her. That is why they are being paid.

My husband’s mother is the same - a mental and physical mess. She can walk but refuses to leave her room to participate in activities, is now accusing me of kidnapping her and putting her in AL when her son and nephew took her there, that I control her son and won’t let him visit when he was there last month checking on her, etc. I am tempted to tell him to tell her the next time he sees her that her granddaughter and I are dead.

I‘ve been the one after him to check on her when he would have consigned her to the state. She would otherwise have been in the state mental institution for calling 911 too often.

Your mother would probably have ended up there if she were still calling 911 all the time. The police don’t put up with that.

She perpetually thinks her dog is dying because it doesn’t defecate. She is confused because she thinks the poop is caught in the testicles. We had the visiting vet check the dog and it is fine. MIL continues to declare it will die any minute now.

I’ve asked my husband to reach out to the AL to have a regular dr check her out so we can get a referral to a neurologist so we can get her medication for her mental illness as well as the dementia. This can only help the poor little dog so he isn’t being checked over by her all the time.

It is best if you interact with your mother’s nurse and reduce your visits to a minimum. Tell the AL they are being paid for care.

So her PT thinks you could be more supportive. Isn't that interesting? They seem to be operating FAR outside their area of expertise. Perhaps they imagine themself a psychotherapist. Or perhaps they are, like the rest of the world, just frustrated with her themself and taking it out on her poor unsuspecting daughter.

Let's look at this rationally. I'm in physical therapy myself. My PT has never once asked about my "family support" or implied in any way that it's part of the process. My husband basically ignores what I'm doing. My cat stares at me as if I've lost my mind. ALL of the "support" comes from the PT.

I think you have to consider the source of this advice, which is--unqualified to make this type of judgment. Your reaction is quite understandable considering the trauma you've been through with this parent. Advising you to "be more supportive" is completely inappropriate under the circumstances but unfortunately, you can't prevent people from expressing inappropriate thoughts, you can only change your reaction to them. Hang in there, and do find a therapist of your own. You are doing it right!

If she's in assisted living, let her live with assistance. Stop babying her and leave her and the staff to their own devices.

You've done so much to support both of your parents - and it's just really cringe-worthy the way the PT responded to you to be more "supportive". It was a poor choice of words and also ignorant on her part. It just leaves a person being bad - which is clearly not warranted. And I also understand your experience from friends/family over the years as well...no one truly understands what it feels like unless they've walked in the caregiver's shoes - even my own sister distances herself from any responsibility of care or emergencies for my elderly parents and her glib responses to me - while she provides zero help - are like nails on a chalkboard.

I think, regarding the medical advice that you had received from the "medical world" - if you can just tell yourself that it was a really ignorant, insensitive and inexperienced and unaware comment provided to you - in fact, coming from someone from a medical community dealing with families of caregivers, they should really know better. Then, try to switch your thoughts...focus on something for yourself that makes you happy - even for a little bit - just to create a more lifted mindset for yourself.

It sounds to me like your mom has manipulated the staff in thinking you don’t care. Your mom probably is a narcissist. I know, believe me. Let these hurtful comments go and let your mom figure out her way in AL. If you need to provide some personal supplies for her, arrange to have them delivered or take them to the reception area and instruct them to deliver it. Tell your mom you will not put up with her treatment and then follow through. When she gets nasty, leave. She will figure it out. But she will keep testing you, trying to get you to cave until one day, you will feel like it’s too much for your own mental health and you will walk away, forever or a few weeks. It’s hard being the empathetic one when in reality your mom doesn’t know how to love. The facility setting boundaries is a good idea and to save yourself, you need to do the same. I walk in your shoes with a family of narcissists!

PT only hears what she tells them. Sorry that they did not get the entire story - from you. Be firm and reply that you ARE being supportive and that she is manipulating them.

InlandMeg,

I feel your pain because your mother is my mother to the letter. I remember taking her to a fill-in doctor when her primary ws on vacation (she's a hypochondriac. Going to doctor's appointments is her socialization). Well, he didn't know us and he really laid into me something fierce. Of course this was like Christmas and her birthday all wrapped into one for my mother. She was LOVING it. I told him that he doesn't know my mother or me. I had a lifetime of various forms of abuse, neglect, and pain from her which resulted in a serious eating disorder for many years and a whole lot of therapy. This lovely old grandmother sitting in front of him is lucky I even speak to her (and I didn't for six years), let alone be willing to help her out. Her other children can't be bothered. So really he should not make assumptions about my lack of compassion and empathy because he has no idea.
The doctor apologized and we went on our way. My mother of course was livid me because I ruined her day out.
You know what? There comes a point where we have to say ENOUGH! and NO MORE! when it comes to our "loved ones" and their anxiety and depression. If a person is not willing to help themselves and at least try treatment for their mental illness then you have to let them go. Your mother has no right to ruin your life with her anxiety and depression. She has no right to force you to be a player in her games. She's a professional victim.
Give her an ultimatum. Either she gets willing to get treatment for her depression and anxiety, or you will completely cut her out of your life.
My mother will work herself up into a panic/anxiety attack when she wants to engage in a bit of verbal abuse but gets ignored, or if she wants to fight but doesn't get one.
Know how I handle her panic/anxiety attacks? I ignore her even more and give her even less attention. Try it, my friend because it works. Tell your mother what I've told mine. If the anxiety and depression is so out of control that they cannot function on any level, 911 will be because I fear you will harm yourself. I did one call one time, so she knows I'm not bluffing. She always manages to get herself under control.
Your mother is already in AL. You don't have to take her calls. Tell them at the AL to call 911 if she's getting worked up. You don't have to deal with her.

Simply tell PT that they know nothing about your Mom's history and you haven't time to fill them in on it, but that her anxiety disorder has little to do with you, and that your distancing is something you have had to learn THE HARD WAY to do.
It honestly is not their business, but do understand they are hearing your Mom's story and not yours. Throughout life we have the unwanted input of others in our actions. We have to learn to take and weigh what may be useful to us, and let the rest of the baggage sit as we move on.

Caregiving is the worst most stressful job there is. Even if you desperately love the person you are caring for it can take everything from you. Including your own life that you have spent years building, your job, your financial and emotional well being and your social support network. You have to set boundaries and know what you are willing and not willing to do. In essence, you have to save yourself, and chose your own life over the needs of the person you are carding for. This may sound harsh, but it is reality. You need to have a life to return to when the caring is over. The people who are telling you you are not being supportive do not know your history. And honestly, it’s not your job to defend yourself and rehash it for them. You tell them that you are being as supportive as you can be and doing all you can and leave it at that. You are paying for a service. It is their job to physically care for your mother now. Make it clear that she has nowhere else to go as she will not be returning to your house so they need to figure out a plan of care that works for her as well as the staff. If that means medicating her to keep her calm, then medicate her under doctors supervision.

I get all kinds of flack for living 3000 miles from my father with Alzheimer’s. I get lots of, “You are going to have to move home and care for him at some point.” My response is, “I don’t have to do anything that is going to ruin my own life. Nor would my father have wanted me too when he was in his right mind. When the time comes that he needs to be placed I will deal with it. In the meantime I manage his finances and what I can from where I am.”

Most likely in my father’s case there will be some event that triggers placement and I will have to fly back and deal with it then. In the meantime, I am not giving up my life to live with him and get sucked in to being a 24/7 caregiver to a father with dementia who can become aggressive and angry. He was always a difficult personality type and the frustration of the disease has made it worse. I love him dearly, he’s my dad, but I have one life to live and I have to choose me. Some people will have a problem with that. That can’t be my concern.

Save yourself.

It soubds to me like your Mom does indeed have nental health issues. Depression is a big one. I believe this AL place you have her in is just doing their best to diagnose the reasons for her anxiety and they did make a goid guess that her lost supportive family member being away is the cause. However you can only do so much. I am only guessing, but I would add a few things to her care and see if that helps. From fastest and easiest: 1 Bring her comfirt from home if she has such items. 2 A baby doll. Sounds funny but they give so much comfort. Make it one you think she could relate to (facial features, texture). I had to tell my Mom I just got it for fun because the last thing you want is them feeling insulted. My Mom thought ut was silly at first but then got attached. Stuffed animal. Again, one she can relate to. A soft floppy cat to hold on her lap. For both my Mom and a friend, this helped anxiety in AL tremendously. 3 counselor visits 4 companion volunteers. Hope that helps!

You have come to the right place and I can tell that you are a caring and selfless lady. Please take of yourself and your husband first, you placed your Mom in the care of others, but she needs the mental evaluation so they can keep her there. This PT was out of line, that is horrible and unprofessional. Forgive me, it is helpful for me to share my story now, I found that writing is my best therapy.
I was ready to unsubscribe, since Mom has been gone two years, but I am having grief triggers now and I saw your post. My Mom was mentally ill too, but refused to see a therapist or psychiatrist, she would not take meds of any kind anyway. She even told me she had children only so she would be taken care of in old age. She was verbally abusive to everyone, but she hit me a lot too because I stood up to her and protected my sister. So I took care of her for 22 years after my Dad passed. She started with dementia at 92 and what a blessing it was for me, all the demons were gone, she was sweet and loving and appreciative. It made it easier when I had to care for her 24/7 I truly loved this new lady, and I forgave her and I buried the worst memories. I am praying that the mental illness could be managed for your Mom, so she can become a lovable lady and remain at the AL. Another reason for writing is about a PT at the hospital. When Mom was admitted in 2020, she had low sodium and she was unable to wake up, so they first told me she was just old. They treated her for a UTI even though the tests were negative and they continued to give her sodium because it kept dropping. After a few days the PT went to evaluate her and Mom felt good, she wanted to go home so she walked around the floor and even did a twirl. The PT lady called me and said we are discharging your mother, will she come to your home? I said no, I am not prepared to take her home because something else is wrong, she will not wake up and she will not eat when I am there in the evening. So this PT said abruptly, I am calling the State and I will get her released to them because you are abandoning her. Well I said fine do that because I do not have a safe place for her now. I cried my heart out the rest of the day because it was Covid and I knew I would never be able to visit Mom in a nursing home. Luckily our neighbor is an attorney and specializes in elder law, I told him it was Devine intervention that we recently moved next door. He contacted the hospital and got the discharge delayed. That evening Mom was talking and laughing with a CNA, she ate her dinner, so I made arrangements to take her home, I thought she was healthy again. But, the hospital
called in the morning to say we are not sending her home today, her sodium dropped very low overnight, so instead we are sending her for a CT scan. The doctors found a huge mass, pressing on the kidney, bladder, aorta, and intestines.
The size of a mango told them it was stage 4 cancer and at best she would live a couple of weeks without chemo, but thank goodness she told me and all of the doctors she was ready to go to heaven. It made my decision to take her home to die bearable. With the dementia she would not believe or remember that she had cancer. Needless to say, I was ready to report the horrible PT lady, but because it was at the worst of Covid, I decided to give her a warning. I said the next time you feel it necessary to threaten anyone, think of my Mom who is going home to die from cancer and think of how you made me feel for pushing back because I knew something else was wrong with her. What gives you a PT the license to speak to anyone that way. Being condescending and judgmental is not part of your job.
It helped me to write, as my dear friend is in ICU today ready to pass after learning she has stage 4 pancreatic cancer, only 15 days ago. No signs of illness until she got foot pain, then a blood clot in mid October and I have had anxiety attacks since.
I wish you the very best and I am praying for you too!

I get a different story from everyone so Now I just trust my Judgement . I am the caregiver I have watched the decline and His old PCP was Not at all helpful - even when I said " I am so exhausted . " He said " Let him fold towels " it took a stroke for us to finally get some help . The Neurologist seems to think he is fine - His new PCP Does Not . One Physical therapist was very helpful and said " he will never survive a Rehab Hospital . " She was right - I did in Home PT for over a Year . My Social worker saw his decline after 3 years . Unless you are witness to someones behavior for years no one Has a clue . So Just remember Help comes in many forms . Sometimes you are Lucky and get a wonderful social worker or you get a A - Hole , sometimes you get a great Doctor and sometimes you get a A- Hole . Sometimes you get a hardworking Physical therapist and sometimes you get a Lazy one . Medicine is not perfect But this disease is Baffling and No one really has the answer .